Children living in Australia

My daughter has lived in Australia for 18 years now. I always cry buckets when she or we leave. We would go and live there but we have a daughter and GS here and we look after GS so we can't at the moment.
We are lucky that we can go every couple of years and she comes here so we do see her every year. The trip is not very enjoyable but we just grit our teeth and do it. We do stop on the way but there are two of us. Are you on your own?l have you any more children here?
We I-message a lot and Skype, although it's not the same as face to face it helps.
I'm afraid you just have to deal with it. No choice.
She is so happy, has a lovely husband and he has a lovely family who have taken myDD to their hearts. We just have to accept it but I do understand where you are coming from.
It does get easier.

It is indeed difficult ....both my sons went to Australia in 2010....it felt like a death in the family....we coped by phoning and skpe....took about 4 years for them to return.....then one went to Canada and is still there and now has a daughter...we or they visit at least twice a year....they FaceTime for an hour each week ....other one is here and pops in and out....it's difficult but thanks to technology bareable....another baby on the way in October...hoping they will return for schooling!!!!!

Yep daughter been there eleven years, we go over every other year and she comes the other years. Rotten journey. Only thing is she is so happy there and I love it there so don't blame her. Always encouraged them to travel and I knew I had to suffer the consequences and now youngest son just left for Canada to live so it must be something I said!
Skype weekly, loads of texts, what's app etc and I accept it now and look forward to spending longer there once retired.
Miss spontaneous hugs but it's their life and so be it but I know it will be tough when she has babies

It is really very hard. My daughter emigrated to Australia 10 years ago and now has 2 children. We decided to retire here at great cost to ourselves as my son was also going to emigrate. We so much looked forward to staring a new life with our family nearby. We came over earlier when DH was made redundant and first GD was due. We were lucky enough to spend 4 years with them before work took SIL away and they went to Africa 'for a few years' in order to earn enough money to get their own house. We ended up moving to live near my sister as we needed to buy our own place and nearly moved back to the UK especially as son decided not to come over to Australia and is now in Europe. Daughter and family have now come back to Australia but are still in a mining town in another state, 5,000 miles away.

We are devastated and we really miss them, in particular grandchildren and especially now where DH has been diagnosed with a serious illness. Skype is not the same. Oldest GD always says she misses us and I cry buckets after each session. We keep waiting for them to settle to a normal life, but there is no guarantee that they will move to where we are and moving house is very expensive here and if we moved to be near them again there is no guarantee they will not move on again.

We also miss our son in Europe and keep asking ourselves how did we end up like this? This is not the life we thought we would have here. We have thought of maybe going back to the UK, but then would have to endure the long journey to see G,. although at least we would be nearer our son, but who says he won't move away.

We sometimes wish we had never come over, Australia does not feel like home and does not offer us the things we like to do such as walking in the countryside and having a lovely garden, all of which we sacrificed to come here to be with our family but what's the point if they are not here? The only saving grace is that DH is getting better medical treatment here than he would in UK so it looks like we are stuck.

I sit and cry as we miss them so much. We do try to get out and I have joined a few groups, but it all just seems like displacement activity. It is very difficult to just 'get on with it' We are getting older and who know how much more we will be able to see them, especially with DH illness.

I truely think it's best to stay put and not follow your children aroundi I. loved my mum and dad so much but wouldn't have wanted them following me around the world ( I eventually came back)
I have a son and family in NZ 20 years they are happy and done so well they ll never come back a daughter in Europe 16 years she has been home for about ten years now I go to them twice a year, and then one who was overseas but came back
Just hold in there it's as hard as hell but we have to accept their choices and surely having children's means letting go when they want to fly the nest but being there if they want to come back

Hondagirl that is so sad.

I agree bluebelle, I investigated moving to oz but with two others to consider and my mum, I didn't look for long. As it happens as I said youngest son is in Canada and daughter is just about to move miles away within oz to earn good money for two years so we would be left stranded, also we live four minutes from royal marsden hospital which is vital for husband so it all worked out ok, hard decisions though. Good luck to all fellow parents of travelling children xx

It must be so hard to deal with, but as there is nothing that can be done about it the only way is to carry on. I wonder, have you taken up a new hobby, joined the U3A, the WI etc. Since becoming estranged from my daughter I have done all this and have met some lovely people, doesn't make up for the loss but helps enormously having something to concentrate the mind each day. You know they are happy and following their dreams and sure as you get older they will be visiting you more. My friends two daughters emigrated for about 10 years and she used to see them for just a week a year. They are both back in the UK now and live and are very close to each other. Never saw that happening. Perhaps a thread for parents of children who emigrated might be a good idea?

How sad are your stories my heart goes out to you all. It must be so hard to see them go though you wish them well and hope they settle and are happy.
My new phew lives in Australia with his wife and family. He went out there after his mum died of Tb at the young age of 55 she was such a lovely sil. My brother has visited but not for a while he has not been well. He has to other children in the UK. He always said it's such an awful journey. But FB and Skype helps him.

Sorry two. Bad spelling.

That's sad hondagirl my family are near don't think I would follow them unless all went I would dread what as happened to you being more alone in another country. I'm glad to see your oh getting good treatment best wishes

How brave you all are.

That is sad hondagirl - and reinforces the fact that following the children is not always a positive option.

My sister moved to Australia in 1950 under the £10 immigration scheme. Everyone wrote of course, but the highlight was the Christmas phone call.The GPO had to be contacted at least 2 weeks before the busy period and at the designated time the phone would ring and an operator would ask if we were ready. Of course we were! The line then went blank while my sister was asked the same question and then the magic words "you are connected". Her voice sounded like she was in a tunnel, I expect ours did too, and all too quickly the precious 3 minutes was over until next year. Plane fares were astronomical but my sister joined a club who were chartering a U.K. plane at reduced rates (still expensive) and 16 years after she left my parents were able to fly out to see her. That was the first and last time. But now we have Skype and my daughter in Dubai can sit in a comfy armchair with a cup of tea in our sitting room or take us for a visit round her home to show us the new things, the mad cat and her desert garden. I am so grateful for the technology, and so sorry my parents couldn't have enjoyed it.

My DD and her family emigrated to oz 7 years ago, it broke mine and my DDs heart initially.We FaceTime at least twice a month for an hour a time. I went 2 christmases ago and just booked ticket to go this Christmas. The journey is hard but the excitement of seeing them takes that away. I have a stop over at Singapore and do abit of shopping before the last stretch of the journey. I am 61 and able bodied but you can get assistance all the big airlines are very good with offering these services. You could also think of maybe breaking the journey up and staying at the stopover for a night or 2 to break the journey up.To be honest there is not much that would stop me from making that journey to see them, they live in a gorgeous part have a lovely home with a swimming pool and there is sunshine on tap surrounded by my family for a month it's worth doing the trip.But yes it is also hard and we all miss sharing the day to day things families share.

I'm in Australia visiting my daughter and two beautiful grand children, flying home tomorrow after three glorious months with them. We're all trying to be brave for the little ones but it's so hard, at least I go home with some wonderful memories.

It's really hard. My daughter emigrated 14 years ago because she had met an Aussie guy at work in London. They now have two children. I used to go out regularly when I was working but the cost now is a bit out of reach. They come here but her husband always wants to travel as well so I don't have much chance of having my grandchildren here to bake with, put them to bed etc. As others have said the technology is a life saver. To be honest I cope by shutting off a bit- just can't afford to dwell on it. Don't like to think of the future and getting a lot older and how little I will see them. Suppose there is a chance that the grandchildren might come here for university. My other daughter (and three grandchildren) are in the UK but four hour drive away.

I think about people like you when I get upset about my DD living in Cornwall, and wonder how on earth I would cope. My heart goes out to you, and I can believe the pain you feel when the visit is over.

My DD was keen to move to Australia at one point, but she decided she couldn't do it. I was SO grateful (but I never tried to influence her, I assure you). We were thinking of retiring to Cornwall, but I remembered the wisdom of not following your children around. I'd hate them to feel they were now stuck somewhere because the parents had moved to be near them.

To the OP, just hugs.

My family and I migrated to Australia in 1959 when I was very young. I returned after university to see Europe and visit relatives and never went back to Australia except for holidays. My mother was a widow and was devastated as I realise only now , were my siblings. It affected everyone. I always felt guilty and my mother never forgave me because she hated the "feast or famine ' contrast of life when we were there and when we left. I'm afraid it doesn't get easier as people get older and travelling gets harder. When I meet youngsters travelling I say to them to marry someone who lives near their parents!

A few years ago we visited my husbands only son who emigrated to Australia over 40 years ago. I had been before and absolutely loved it. It was dh first visit and he also fell in love with everything about it, so we planned to sell up and retire there. At that time, it was incredibly difficult for ndependent reirees to get in and dh decided it was not worth all the hassle - "if Australia does not want us, we don't need Australia"!!!! Just as well as three years later my step sons marriage broke up, he fell for a Balinesian girl one third of his age and went iff to Bali to live with her! Moral of the story, Live YOUR life, not theirs! We could not be happier in our retirement in the English countryside and Jim married his Balinesian, who is the nicest person you could wish to meet, and they are very happy too. Sorry for all your heartache xxxx

I's so reassuring to know that other people are in the same position. We went to California where my daughter lives every year for 20 years. Now we are older my husband won't do long-haul. I've been myself several times, but the jet-lag is crushing. This isn't as far as Australia, so I sympathise so much with Hondagirl. Also the insurance has rocketed, so now we rely on Skype. Also Skype for my sons in Dubai and Ukraine. Wonderful! The granddaughters can play a tune for you and show you their week's work. I think of the GI brides after the war, whose mothers waved them goodbye and never saw them again, so I'm grateful to keep in touch.

Very sorry to hear about all your families living so far away, it must be so difficult for you. This has just put something in perspective for me. I am upset at my DD and our lovely GC - two girls, aged 5 and 2 moving from nearby to Nottingham which is two and a half hours away. The good things is they will have a much bigger house so that we can go and stay.

Sheilasue thanks for your heart but I don't want anyone crying for me
It is happy/sad and yes you have to get used to it but I brought my kids up to be confident adults who are not afraid to try things outside my comfort zone I am happy for them and I'd FAR rather them being wherever they want to be than here nearby unhappy or in dead end jobs or having to worry about me

I think in the quest to keep families close to you sometimes it's forgotten that's it's THEIR life their decisions and our children should feel no guilt at making their lives the other side of the world if that's what they want

I was once told years ago children are only lent to you for a short while I thought that was a load of tosh, mine would always be near me but it's not tosh they have to make their own way and I hope when my grandchildren grow up and maybe move around these kids of mine are strong enough to build their own life's and not just get their happiness from keeping their children's in their back gardens ( who knows those grandkids may want to come over here to explore ?)

Love does not equate with seeing someone every day, every week every month a child/ parent relationship should surmount any distance

.....we go again in August to my son and DGD's in August for 6wks..we go about every 14mths..dont mind the journey...but each time we leave the girls break their hearts.and hold onto me saying "please grandma dont go" its wrenching.painful.heartbreaking!!! We then stop over in Dubai for a few days on the way home to see daughter.son in law....now a baby grandson too....its hard for ALL of us with family abroad..but I couldnt wish my grandchildren away from the wonderful life they have...and I couldnt move out there and leave my 5grandchildren here!! ......