Arriving unannounced

I would give anything to have my Mum call in unannounced, she died when I was 23. What is wrong with people, it's your mother.

I have my daughter's front door key, she had mine. Just in case of emergency I suppose.

I never drop in uninvited, unannounced or whatever you want to call it probably because I'm aware that her family time at home is previous to her. Even when invited I don't use her key to let myself in not walk straight round to the kitchen door at the back of the house. I use the front door bell.

Yet despite all the above there came a point when I asked that both she and my SIL please use the front door bell at all times. They constantly turn up here unannounced and uninvited which is lovely. What isn't lovely is that they just come straight 'up' to the living area of both our house and garden of our unusual split level house. No warning! There they are! And I was sick and tired at being found in just my pants enjoying the sunshine. Not so bad if just my DD but the SIL too.
Bloody annoying to be snoozing in the sun only to be rudely interrupted!

We have a lovely pond area between tall hedges and the SIL has walked round there with a pal of his to find me. Ring the door bell.

Polite reminders didn't work so In the end I was very blunt about this house rule and no more unexpected callers disturbing my privacy.

There seems to be a split decision on this one. I used to enjoy unexpected visitors. Now I prefer them to wait to be invited.

Mmmmm a tricky one, I think it's always best to just ring or text to say you are passing and 'is there time for a cuppa?'. I have a key to my children's houses but would never ever just use it and walk in!!!!! - very bad manners IMO and could be embarrassing.
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That's not to say I'd let it show, though! I would always be nice.

I quite like people "dropping in" as it's a nice surprise but if I'm doing the same, I usually ring first to make sure they'll be there.

I would always check with dds first. But then they both live over an hour's drive away, so we are never 'just passing'.
Dds know they can come to us any time, and I hope they will always feel able to, but I think they would always check first.

Must say I really hate anyone but family dropping in without a good period of notice. I am not tidy! And I hardly ever have cake or biscuits or anything else to offer with a cup of tea. I only ever buy or make them when I know someone's coming.

Anya - you are so right. When did this business about it being okay to be rude to people come about? I would always welcome unexpected visitors, they may have to fit in with what I am doing at that particular time, or I may even ask them to make us all a cup of tea while I clear/wash up or whatever, but to turn people away is just plain rude. I am not sure I understand a lot of families now a days. Perhaps I just thought everyone had hippy ideals, because all my friends and family are the same.

Polly.... You seem to be deeply shocked and offended by this. You need to talk to DD and find out why you're not allowed to visit her house anymore as there must be a reason for this. Have you had some kind of falling out?.

It might be annoying or inconsiderate to drop in on someone unannounced but that all depends on how well you know that person.

We visit our family and friends by invitation with the exception of my best friend who lives very close by and is forever dropping in to see me which I love. I have a key to my sons house who lives nearby but I wouldn't dream of letting myself in unless I was asked to. Our sons have house keys but will nearly always ring the door bell first when they visit with their families, now and again they let will themselves in.

Polly needs to sort this out with DD . We all do things differently.

Poly58 - how terribly sad that you are estranged from your DD. Presumably this is more than just dropping in unannounced that one time? Whatever the reason I hope you find a way to reconcile. To answer your question...

My parents would drop in at my house almost daily unannounced. I worked from home and it was really inconvenient. No matter how many times I asked them (always nicely) to call before visiting, they still dropped in. Eventually I decided to just accept it and work longer into the evening. It was a small price to pay for something that gave them some happiness.

Because i know how this can feel, I'd never dream of turning up at my son and DIL's house without calling, despite them constantly saying to drop by any time.

Having said that, I'd give anything these days to see my parents walk up my driveway. They're both gone now.

Personally I I always text if I'm going to go to family to see if they ve other things on, and I like them to text me, but it's all about what everyone is comfy with. If you have an estrangement in your family maybe it has made u sensitive. Just text to ask, then if suitable just go. Don't fret about it, just enjoy it when u go.

Our son always calls in without letting us know, usually bringing his dog with him for us to look after. He's about ten minutes walk from our house. If he's back late from a night out he will leave the dog overnight at our house without letting us know.

I love when my daughter calls unannounced, it's always lovely to see her. I occasionally do the same with her but never stay for long unless offered a cuppa and usually have a definite purpose in my visit (eg dropping something off ). I am in her house often though when she and her partner are at work as I look after her two dogs, but it's always in and out in the time it's takes to attach leads etc. I therefore have a key but never use it when she is there. I do think, as others have said, it depends on the family. In ours it would never be seen as rude. We generally spend a lot of time together, share holidays etc and enjoy each others company.

I wouldn't pop in/visit either of my DD's without checking first. On the other hand, they both have keys to our house and can come whenever they like. This is still their family home and they know there is always a place for them here. Every family is different though.

inishowen I've always said people come to see us ,not the house.We were in the middle of major renovations a couple of years ago,walls demolished rubble on the floor etc and we had visitors who arrived unexpectedly.The door was shut on the mess and we sent out for chinese takeaway for dinner .I'm sure they didn't mind eating off their knees and we were glad of the break

I wouldn't arrive unannounced at my son or daughter's house. I would ring or send a text. I feel I'd be catching them out otherwise, maybe the house would be messy. I feel the same about anyone calling at my house unannounced. I'd rather have half an hours notice to tidy up, clean the loo etc.,

I have a wonderful Irish friend like Paddyanne. No matter what time of day or how many people dropped in unannounced they would always be welcomed and invited to stay for something to eat. She lived modestly and had 2 children and a sick husband but it was 'loaves and fishes' and there would always be food to share. She returned to live in Ireland and when her husband died her neighbours bought dishes of food round every day to help out and keep her company.

The opening words of the OP are "Our DD has told us ( me, DH and DS) not to arrive unannounced". Surely that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to arrive at all?

Before the days when everyone had a phone my Mum's family were all used to just calling in and tea would be found somehow. My aunt would always bring something to eat with her, and my cousin made me laugh when she said to her "Put a ton of salmon in your bag and you think you can go anywhere."
These days we always ask and wouldn't dream of going into each others homes without permission. I have keys to my daughters' homes and they have them to mine, but it's understood that they are to be used in an emergency or with permission.

Ha ha Lupatria, that's so funny to read but must be been awful. I wouldn't dare to turn up unannounced at our daughter's - we even get into trouble if we arrive too early or before she gets home from work, when we have to wait in the drive, which she hates with a passion. Ironically, like so many other posters, she & her brother both have a key to our house. DS & DIL are very relaxed about us popping in, totally different to DD.

I think it depends on how you were brought up.my mum ,dad 3 sisters and I ,along with two sets of Aunts and Uncles all lived under the same roof and my Granny and unmarried Aunt were there too.When our family got our own home we missed the others so it was always lovely to see them...we didn't have a phone then so drop ins were all there was

my daughter complete with husband and two young children walked through my unlocked back door one day and found my partner and i in "a compromising situation" in the dining room!
since then they always let us know they were coming or ring the front door bell.
mind you since then my partner always locks the back door!

I also think some posters could also stoop to trolling eventually. Let's face it girls/ladies/people everyone has an opinion but that doesn't mean they are wrong
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What on earth do you base THIS on?

My dd has a key for my house.
I wouldn't go to hers without asking. It's just the way we are. Each family is different

I don't think that "dropping in unannounced" is a good idea under any circumstances. In my opinion, things always go smoother if we respect each other's boundaries. Clearly, if a relative or friend or relative did drop in unannounced, they would always be made welcome, but I'd also make the point that I wish they'd warned me as I could have then "set aside some time for a proper natter", or "get something in" for them. Common courtesy, really...

radicalnan i am with you but i am afraid the days of just popping in are over. Everyone is so busy nowadays and what with working odd hours anytime at home is sacred and to be used wisely. If someone turns up unexpectedley it can cause a problem i'm afraid.