Arriving unannounced

I would not dream of turning up at either my Darling daughters' homes without a prior arrangement/invitation. We love each other to bits but its basic good manners to ask IMO.

I would not go unannounced to any of my daughters, to me it's rude to the person they are married with. My daughters come unannounced quite often. They grew up here and know both of us.

I too would normally send a quick text "are you home?" Or "can I pop in? before calling in

It's not rude or bad manners. It's a case of what is usual in your own family situation. We have always dropped in, usually just for a few minutes to drop something off or pick something up, and my son often drops in unannounced for a quick coffee.

So let's not call people rude when it's the norm within a family. In fact I think it's very rude to be so judgemental.

Its not about being judgemental its 'MY opinion'.....and perhaps judging people for having an opinion is perhaps being just as judgmental. The OP made a statement so surely she expected responses?

I wouldn't mind them arriving here unannounced, but I would never go to them unannounced. They wouldn't come into ours if we were not here though, unless we had asked them to.

Working from home I find it very difficult if someone calls unannounced during the day - the exception is my son who lives 2 hours away and is often on the road so occasionally calls in if he's passing for a quick coffee - although he has a key he wouldn't dream of coming in if I wasn't home. Most of the time we see no one at any time since my parents passed away. I don't call on anyone without letting them know first.

I do think it's advisable yo ask first, but to just do it once is hardly crime of the century. Please let it roll of you, you know the score now and won't do it again. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have you.?

I pop into my DD's home 'unannounced' regularly, but don't stay long ( we live within walking distance) but have only done this twice to DIL as we were dropping presents off, otherwise we arrange it first.As Anya says in her post, nothing is rude, just that different families have different ways of doing things.

poly to answer your post, it sounds as if there is a problem with your DD that maybe you are unaware of.You have my sympathy I must say, but if you are no longer talking to each other, surely it must be ( at heart) something more than you dropping in when passing.

I agree with Anya and*roses*.it has nothing to do with good manners in my opinion. I frequently drop in on DD but not so much on DiL as she lives further way and is very often out. She wouldn't mind if I did though.

Each family has its own rules, formal and informal. My DDs know that they could drop in anytime (2 of them live only 10 minutes away)but they seldom do - they usually let me know that they will be popping in - they know that I would never say no; and that I would be happy about them dropping by unannounced; but I guess they see it as good manners, especially as OH has bad days.

Poly580 - I am guessing that there were other underlying problems for you all (since you say you are now estranged) and this statement from your DD felt like the last straw. I am sorry that you find yourself in this unhappy situation.

When D lived near she would pop in without warning as I always did to my mum's.
I wouldn't have done it to D when she was married as I wouldn't have wanted to "interupt" she lived out of the way so I would never be "just passing" Can't see that she would have found it a problem though. I had a key to hers for childcare at the time anyway.

Whole family (us and 2 DC) have each others front door keys for emergencies, but none of us would call on any of the others unannounced.

To be fair none of us live near each other, DD does shift work from home and DS and family live the usual family-with-children complicated lives. Come to that, so do we!

Our children have keys to our house, the one that lives the nearest, only a mile away, often comes around unannounced, still gets post that comes here Occasionally he has come up the stairs and scared the s**t out of me when I have been on my own at the top of the house, we have 3 floors. Yes sometimes it gets on my wick, not enough to take the key away. Ironically, when he did live with us he lost numerous keys, but somehow has managed to retain the one he last had when he lived at home, I suppose that's why I let them keep their keys, it was their home once. Although personally, I wouldn't drop in uninvited on them, not that I have a reciprocal key for their homes or particulary want any.

I should have said "in my opinion" it's quite rude to drop in and we wouldn't.

OP asked how people would react. I would feel DD was correct, to herself and her family. I would have given her lots of space after apologising profusely.

It may well be that her DH doesn't like pop ins.

But, I would guess there is more to this estrangement than pop ins?

There's no need to even bring the word 'rude' or 'bad manners' into it. It's simply enough to express your opinion that it's not something that you would do or expect others to do. That is quite acceptable.

This is a culture thingy I'd say. I may disapprove of people coming into my house and not removing their outdoor shoes, but I'd never call them rude, because I accept that that is their way of doing things.

www.historic-uk.com/CultureUK/british-etiquette/

This->"Conversely, should you arrive too early to a dinner party this could also appear slightly rude and ruin the atmosphere for the evening if the host is still completing their preparations. For the same reason an unannounced house call is often frowned upon for risk of inconveniencing the home owner."

So, you're into reading articles on etiquette 'frowned upon' how very English! (N.B. English)

Let me tell you what is bad etiquette. My DD and her family call in on me on their way back from visiting their cousins in Gloucester this afternoon. They have a present for us for our garden.

I greet them all the door and make it clear they are unwelcome because they might be 'inconveniencing' me. Or welcome them in, tell SiL to put the kettle on, and settle down to hear about their day and admire my new raspberry canes.

Go figure!

I wish I could drop in on my DiL, announced or unannounced, but it involves an 11-hour flight, or a 5 hour train journey.

It's about respecting boundaries and each other's privacy. I wouldn't want family dropping by unexpectedly I'm afraid. I always send a text or call first and family do the same back. It's emabarrssing for everyone if you drop round at an inconvenient time.

I am at my daughter's house quite a lot due to childcare commitments over a period of 8 days and use my key even when she is at home. (At her request)

However when her partner returns home (he works away) I always text or call first if I wish/ need to visit.
And I do not use my key
I ring the doorbell .

I love unexpected visitors ,people know they are always welcome in my home.I'll happily find food for as many as want it and make scones and pancakes while they stand and talk to me with a glass of wine in hand ...I'm even happier when they stay over so we can have a good old blether and make a big cooked breakfast before they leave.Its how my family has always been ,how my daughter is too .I've always thought we were "normal"Yesterday I had 5 extra for dinner ..and we all had a lovely time .

That sounds lovely paddyann how kind you are. I find hospitality quite difficult at times. Think I should relax a bit more.