Arriving unannounced

Whole family (us and 2 DC) have each others front door keys for emergencies, but none of us would call on any of the others unannounced.

To be fair none of us live near each other, DD does shift work from home and DS and family live the usual family-with-children complicated lives. Come to that, so do we!

When D lived near she would pop in without warning as I always did to my mum's.
I wouldn't have done it to D when she was married as I wouldn't have wanted to "interupt" she lived out of the way so I would never be "just passing" Can't see that she would have found it a problem though. I had a key to hers for childcare at the time anyway.

Each family has its own rules, formal and informal. My DDs know that they could drop in anytime (2 of them live only 10 minutes away)but they seldom do - they usually let me know that they will be popping in - they know that I would never say no; and that I would be happy about them dropping by unannounced; but I guess they see it as good manners, especially as OH has bad days.

Poly580 - I am guessing that there were other underlying problems for you all (since you say you are now estranged) and this statement from your DD felt like the last straw. I am sorry that you find yourself in this unhappy situation.

I agree with Anya and*roses*.it has nothing to do with good manners in my opinion. I frequently drop in on DD but not so much on DiL as she lives further way and is very often out. She wouldn't mind if I did though.

poly to answer your post, it sounds as if there is a problem with your DD that maybe you are unaware of.You have my sympathy I must say, but if you are no longer talking to each other, surely it must be ( at heart) something more than you dropping in when passing.

I pop into my DD's home 'unannounced' regularly, but don't stay long ( we live within walking distance) but have only done this twice to DIL as we were dropping presents off, otherwise we arrange it first.As Anya says in her post, nothing is rude, just that different families have different ways of doing things.

I do think it's advisable yo ask first, but to just do it once is hardly crime of the century. Please let it roll of you, you know the score now and won't do it again. She doesn't know how lucky she is to have you.?

Working from home I find it very difficult if someone calls unannounced during the day - the exception is my son who lives 2 hours away and is often on the road so occasionally calls in if he's passing for a quick coffee - although he has a key he wouldn't dream of coming in if I wasn't home. Most of the time we see no one at any time since my parents passed away. I don't call on anyone without letting them know first.

I wouldn't mind them arriving here unannounced, but I would never go to them unannounced. They wouldn't come into ours if we were not here though, unless we had asked them to.

Its not about being judgemental its 'MY opinion'.....and perhaps judging people for having an opinion is perhaps being just as judgmental. The OP made a statement so surely she expected responses?

It's not rude or bad manners. It's a case of what is usual in your own family situation. We have always dropped in, usually just for a few minutes to drop something off or pick something up, and my son often drops in unannounced for a quick coffee.

So let's not call people rude when it's the norm within a family. In fact I think it's very rude to be so judgemental.

I too would normally send a quick text "are you home?" Or "can I pop in? before calling in

I would not go unannounced to any of my daughters, to me it's rude to the person they are married with. My daughters come unannounced quite often. They grew up here and know both of us.

I would not dream of turning up at either my Darling daughters' homes without a prior arrangement/invitation. We love each other to bits but its basic good manners to ask IMO.