How far would you go to be with your children?

Yes Riverwalk we have - bear in mind we told them 3 years ago, postponed it for a year as our youngest daughter was upset and then its been almost a year so far since we put the house on the market.

Our eldest daughter is thrilled for us ( and sees longer child free times and holidays too .

Our youngest reluctantly accepts the inevitable. As the ones not working , we know the onus will be on us to do the lions share of the travelling - so be it.

I think merlotgran you're right , it is unusual. Partly, it stems from my life . I left home at 17 , joined the army and never lived closer than 3 hours to my Mum and Dad for the rest of their lives and usually further than that. But they had a close and loving relationship with our children so I know it can be done. Our girls have been lucky , and never had to live a nomadic life so this is a large upheaval to them - and pretty much run of the mill to us.

Our new home is being as future proofed as possible for us to negate as much potential help needed. Luckily, we are financially sound so can afford to buy in day-to-day support if needed. We want them to be able to visit without having a list of jobs for them.

We've thought through a number of scenarios and in the absolute worst case , if one of us dies, the other can sell up, move back into something small and be back within walking distance.

I want them to be able to be my daughters not my carers and we have planned accordingly.

of course the best laid plans and all that - we shall see.

When DH decides it's time to stop working, ( he's 66), we are going to downsize. He's been waiting to see where our DD and family will settle, but there has been talk recently of them emigrating. DSiL has a job which is rather limited in openings, and is looking at Canada, America and Australia as well as UK. When we do move, it will be for ourselves, and we will go where we want to be.

N&G, I've been following your house move story as it's unusual for grandparents to uproot themselves to move away from friends and family. It's usually the other way round.

Whilst you may feel they need to stand on their own feet a bit more and not rely on you so much for child care etc., what will happen when you both need more help and support as you get older?

Won't distance put more of a burden on them?

NandG that sounds an interesting move - have you told your daughters?

We are just moving away from our children. Not thousands of miles just 100 or so but we have lived close( walking distance) to them since they moved out.

Our move is for us . We have always put our daughters first and then along came grandchildren and we provided help and support. But we are aware that they lean heavily on us and we will not always be here. Whilst we are they see no reason to widen their support network.

Its going to be a bit of a shock all round in the early days I am sure but I think its the right thing for everyone.

I'm sorry you're in this situation Honda.

I have one son in Somerset and one in Switzerland and wouldn't dream of selling-up and moving to be near one or the other. Not because they might move on but due to the fact that I have my own life to live and following my adult children has never entered my head.

I do however toy with the idea of renting in Somerset for a year.

Oh Christine and justoneed how I agree ....children need to lead their own lives not have parents following them around, what if you become incapacitated after you ve travelled to be near them and they end up 'looking after you' my worst nightmare what a tie and a burden, let them enjoy THEIR lives make their own mistakes their own adventures we as parents should move to the background after our children leave to make their own way in life. If in the future the children say could you move nearer (for whatever reason) and you want to that would be quite different

Birds push their offspring out if the nest to teach them to fly on their own we need to follow natures lead albeit in a more gentle way.... it's their lives not ours any more

I would never move because of my lads, they are adults with their own lives to decide about and live.
I have known other people who did similar moves to you, some have been successful others disasters. I think uprooting your lives to go to the other side of the world is always going to be a big test, especially when you're older.

If you move because its something you want to do and not just to follow your children that's one thing. I think we should make our own lives and allow our children to get on with theirs.
It's different if either party needs help for some reason but in general we should have a level of independence from each other.

Please do what your heart says. Too late when you have left these shores. I do know of one lady, widowed, who followed her daughter to New Zealand. She left her son and grandchildren here. I couldn't have done it, rather go for long visits if they wanted me, whilst I could, but all families are different.

In our case about 150 miles. But never-the-less we left behind the familiar and good friends.

Would I stay here if they moved away? Probably.

However, you hondagirl moved halfway across the world which is an entirely different matter.

Could you reverse the decision and come back to the UK while there are still two of you?