Support can i empathise that word please thread for families or anyone undergoing trauma through estrangement also positive moving on for us all

When family are fit and well there is so much to be grateful for - especially when you see suffering all around you. But instead of reflecting on how lucky they are, and being thankful for what they have got, some people seem determined to see only negative things and to pick a fight regardless.
I have no explaination for this

"As parents, we would take their pain", yes Luckylegs we would wouldn't we but it's their cruelty that we're given and expected to bear.

Heard on the lunch time news that a little girl of 8 was killed at the concert. With so much sadness and cruelty in the world it makes you wonder why our EC want to cause even more, specifically to us, their parents.

Eddie, I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been for you with your son in Afghanistan and the relief on his safe return. To come back and have marriage problems must have been so hard for him. He must make the most of the life he has for the other lads that didn't return or had life changing injuries. His has time on his side, and you. As parents, we would take their pain, but life's not like that.
Makes you wonder what it's all about sometimes.

I know exactly what you mean Lucky - the problems with my DIL blew up very shortly after DS had returned from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. I was so thankful he was in one piece I couldn`t believe she was falling out with us over nothing. Since then I have felt that he owed it to the lads who weren`t so lucky to live his life to the full - which is why it has distressed me so much to see him so miserable in his marriage

Not knowing how your family are is another heartache. The Manchester bombings last night, where 22 young people died, 59 injured is just heartbreaking. I keep thinking of my 16 yr old granddaughter to loves gigs, hoping madly that on a school night she wasn't there, can't see that she would but you never know. . Nothing matters more than your family being safe and I can cope as long as they are. It's the not knowing. How silly is this no contract when you hear of all those poor families going through hell.

I have lost 4 post's fed up

Wanted say been great day excellent lady si her tonight but we left soul singer was too.loud

Smiless good idea keep message brief its way too painful to think how sad it all.is xxxxxxwill be 9 on 8 June election day I chose card but its still
Painfull.yogagirl it hurts more than I can say each year 2nd year we not sent present

Well hope this posts

Oh gosh Smileless! NOW I understand why eddiecat sent you [Irregular choice] - I just couldn't figure it out.

Now it makes sense to my aged brain - very funny eddiecat

Thanks Yogagirl, Fairydoll and Starlady. Hope you enjoyed your F&C; could have been worse Fairydoll if you'd been wearing a pair of Irregular Choice shoes while being dragged up that steep country path.

Mr. S. and I do that too, try to convince ourselves that we'll be able to walk off a moment of over indulgence.

I think the change in content of estrangement threads really does reflect the way we have changed as our journeys progress.

Fascinating post, Smileless! The way the threads have changed probably reflects the way the egps here have changed, as they continue on this journey.

Touché Yogagirl - I've just had fish and chips (at a Premier Inn on our little touring holiday). Then DH dragged me (almost literally) up a steep country path as we are now supposed to be 'walking off' our evening meals. Hmm....see how long that lasts.

Great post Smileless

Good post Smileless made me laugh re shoes

Thank you Luckylegs

& for all. I'll have my watching BGT with my oven fish & chips in a mo.

Great post Luckylegs yesterday morning.

You're spot on Sparkly. TBH I past trying to 'fix' it sometime ago but want to keep posting in the hope that I can be of some comfort and support to the wonderful friends I've made here on GN, to raise aor 2 and to have people here to give me their support when it's needed.

Sadly Nelliemoser it's only to be expected that this thread and indeed any other estrangement threads are going to be in the same place as estrangement threads were 3 years ago, because just as we were 3 years, 4 years ago and for some much longer, we're still estranged, still CO.

That said, I've seen a change in posts from the regulars from when I began to post 4+ years ago. There's a lot more general chit chat, we have a laugh, share the good things in our lives with one another so it isn't all doom and gloom. One poster even put on a pic of her new shoes .... oops, that was me.

You see when it first happens, when you first realise that your own child doesn't want you in their life anymore and wont allow you to see your GC, it is all doom and gloom; that's all you've got and you think you're the only one.

Then you come across a thread on GN about estrangement and you see that there are other parents and GP's whose AC refuse to have anything to do with them and you share your pain, anguish and sorrow and that helps.

As time goes on and you move on you see that others are moving on too and you celebrate their little steps forward with them. You share in their happiness as well as their sorrow.

I hope there will always be at least one thread on estrangement because there's one thing in my life that is never going to change, I am an estranged parent, I've been CO of my son's and only GC's lives.

Plus a ?

Yogagirl, I hope you conscentrate on your nd and gc, you can do nothing about the others. It's out of your hands. But you can enjoy what you have. X

Well I'm C&P again, as we seem to be on two threads now, some regular posters on here, then the others on the other

Yogagirl Sun 21-May-17 07:40:13
Morning Girls
Sparklygrandma my GS's Birthday was yesterday the 20th. Of course we all make spelling mistakes, especially me as I don't have spell check on here and really need it at times but when I see a mistake I just read through it, correcting as I read, it's not the correct spelling or grammar that's important, it's the content.

Celebgran hope you are having a wonderful holiday, I love flamenco dancing, we do some in my dance class I go to

I did feel sad yesterday, it being my dear GS 6th birthday. It is said that you go through stages of emotion in this estrangement hell; first disbelief, second denial, then grief & sadness, then anger, I've reached the anger bit, took me a long time, 4.5yrs, but yes I am now angry at the damage my once beloved D has done to her little girl my precious GD, to her good kind gentle mother & sister and for destroying her once close & loving birth family, yes I'm angry now. My ND has shingles and without doubt caused by the ugliness of the messages between her friend to her est.sister, followed by her beloved niece and then nephews birthdays.
My ND is a very sensitive, kind & gentle soul, so yes I'm angry she has been hurt so badly by her baby sister that she loved so and all this for no other reason than her nasty H & his mother's jealousy! Why couldn't she [estD] have just said "NO!" to the estrangement and just seen us with the C on her own, if her nasty H & his mother wanted us out of their lives!

Luck legsso well.put so hard for you like yoga girl without a partne

The tremendous support I have been given by you, smiless sparkkygran eddiecat yoga girl rhinestone etc means works to me and dh

....attempting to support each other etc etc

You are so right NanaandGrampy

The posters on this thread aren't actually asking for advice - if they were, they would possibly post on the Ask A Gran forum. They are just attempting to support it each and, for the life of me, I cannot see why they shouldn't be 'allowed' to do that in peace. If a poster looks at the thread and doesn't like what they see, of course they are entitled to comment but, from my observation over the past three years, so called 'helpful' posts are often veiled criticism. I can't figure it out.

Nice to see a post from someone who actually understands and empathises

Very good post Luckylegs

Thank you Nanna&Gramps Yes it helps to come on here with others in the same sad boat and yes we do go over & over the same things because even 4.5yrs or 7yrs down the line, it's still hard for a mother to get her head round the fact she has been 'cut out' no longer required in our once beloved D/S's lives or that of their C,our beloved GC.
Till the day I die, I will never understand how my D that was loved & cherished, support emotionally as well as financially, and that included her Husband, how she can get rid of us, her birth family that loved her & her C so, but stay with a nasty H & his mother both having done her so much harm!

My darling little grandson's 6th Birthday today, a day that should have been full of happiness, love & celebrations, instead a day of deep sorrow, pain & unhappiness

As for the typo (Freudian slip?) in the title, I LOVE it - it says a lot!

It's one thing to give advice to egps who are in early days. But most of the egps here have been so for several years already so that's a different story. Often, it seems, they are past trying to fix the problem and just need support as they try to get on with their lives.

That's my impression, anyway. I'm not estranged, but come in here because I have a few friends who are and because I realize it could happen to me one day, too. (I don't see it coming, but I'm sure most of the egps here didn' either.)

Nellie, I can see where you are coming from it must seem that those not in their children's lives are not moving on, that we should be "over it" . That is a valid point. The trouble is, children are out of your lives and not out of your heart. Most of the time I am reasonably happy, but underneath is that sense of failure of something missing, the most important thing for me and others is family, they are supposed to be those we share happiness with as well as the difficult and sad times, part of a team, a family team. The hole that is left after no contact, can never be filled, that love remains, you work round it fill the spaces with activities and friends and pretend it doesn't matter, but the truth is for many of us it does and always will matter. So yes, it might seem the same old, to you it is, but for many of us it reminds us we are not alone with these feelings. I tried everything fir it not to happen, became a nervous wreck almost, but had to accept the inevitable
that I was no longer required. Many people, including my husband died, that is a completely different kind of grief, they died but were loved and loved me. I am pleased you are not in this position, I never thought it existed, wouldn't wish it on anyone. Abandonment is cruel.

This was NOT meant as a criticism or an attack and I have no issues with a friendly group supporting each other
Empathise/Emphasise is not just a typo though is it ?
So no, I was not getting at you. I just thought that anybody NEW skimming through GN threads to find a sympathetic hearing, might be confused at the wording. Don't be so quick to jump to the defensive.
I agree that it is confusing to have more than one thread (I would include the others on Estrangement) so it is really a practical issue not a personal jibe. Peace! ?

Maybe the regular posters here aren't asking for advice?

MAYBE they have debated and discussed the issue as pertaining to them endlessly and now its just a group of people who understand ( as they have been there) the pain its caused and they're 'supporting' each other in their own way.

I pop in here occasionally when I'm going off my family to remind myself I'm lucky that I don't have these issues and sometimes I'm amazed at the vitriol that appears on the page.

I agree Nellie it is the same old same old but maybe that's how these posters get by? Who's to say its right or wrong? if it helps them put one foot in front of the other every day then I'm not knocking it.

Why is it necessary to have two threads more or less the same,just asking.