Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

You're not estranged though Norah It's your 4 D's poor husbands that are estranged from all their birth family!

Oh dear, Yoga, I'm sorry those questions come up. I think you're very wise to simply say "not there." Not anyone's business really.

It sounds as if you're feeling depressed? Or is it just tired from working nights, etc. Have you talked to your doctor about this?

Regardless, I hope you go to that party and have a good time! I hope you can just put your troubles aside and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!

Smileless I'm sure my nasty s.i.l has told my dear little GD, that I'm dead! She would have asked where I & her aunty where, as we saw her all the time. The worst emotion a human or animal can feel is grief and that was inflicted on my precious little GD & GS

My nasty s.i.l screamed at me in the court car park, that I would never see my beloved GC or D again and they would not even be at my funeral, so my family will be spared Sparklygrans ordeal!

grannygrace, I agree with you, I like equality. You do see you children, just not to your amount you would like. Our estate, any we can't spend now, is equally divided in trust to all our DD, GC and GGC.

While not at a point to do otherwise, as everyone is very content with all circumstances, I like to think we would stay the course.

Smileless2012, lovely your children are not estranged to each other!

Celebgran, Good Luck with the surgery. After, please do not lift other than what you are allowed.

It wasn't a good idea to watch that 90min programme on little Sarah Payne, preceded by 'families reunited' Friday night, knew I shouldn't have, I had recorded that programme weeks before and couldn't bring myself to watch. So woke feeling very blue & emotional, no doubt had nightmares!

OK Nelliemoser ;

Sorry mumofmadboys Seems I was out of order, suppose sometimes it hits a nerve, where others don't see it

I'm supposed to be getting ready for a party I keep missing lovely invites as once I sit down I don't want to get up again , my night out is a night in Owing to my work in the evenings. Am I the only one??

Starlady People do notice, I was showing friends the wedding album of ND's wedding and one kept saying "where's your youngest D?^" I just replied ^"not there"

Also we do point out to my ND's little girl photos of her cousins & aunty & uncle, this is only when she is being held, as I have the pics high up on the wall or behind a feathery plant, in other words not under my/our nose.

Sparklygran So very sorry about your grans funeral, what a terrible thing to go through, how can our once DC be so very cruel. }}}HUGS{{{ I wonder what your GC will think, when they are grown and learn that story, which they will!

I watched 'Who do you think you are' and the emotion for grt. grt. GP, that have long pasted, is amazing, so just goes to show the generational family pull.

Darn no edit button ,it is estrangement Yogagirl as if I see him it is purely by accident,never planned.

No Yogagirl we do not see our son at any function,he couldn't even to see fit to attend my Mothers funeral. It doesn't make my hurt any less than yours just because he has no children (out of choice I may add). When I was very unwell and he was informed by the only sibling he has contact with it didn't even warrant a phone call. So no we don't have phone contact at all. If you read my post you would see inheritance is Husbands idea not mine.But as the money is equally ours,I am not going to cause conflict within a very happy marriage over money.

Luckylegs I think if we went out to Australia for 3 months our DS would head for the hills too. Only thing in our favour is that there aren't any in Perth or for miles and miles around.

Thanks Smileless, I know how strong you have been under difficult circumstances. To have your other son in Australia I sometimes forget how hard that must be for you. I wish I lived closer, that might seem odd as I haven't even met you, but a few on here I have got to know and respect a little of your situations. My son is not far away, we don't get together much and if I needed him he would come as yours would, a friend if mine had just travelled to be with her family for 3 months, I think the thought of that would send my son flying to the hills.
Celeb, be thinking of you when I have my morning cuppa tomorrow morning, I wake really early, this time tomorrow should be all done. Good Luck we all all thinking of you.x?

Yes it was Easter this year that our DS saw his brother Luckylegs and no, you're not prying. As for your other questions I really can't say for certain as we very rarely discuss his brother with DS.

We still have friends living in the village who see our GC and say they seem to be happy. They see the physical change in our ES, now really quite overweight apparently and looking as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders which is so TBH I'd rather not have details.

As for our GC TBH unless any information were to come from our DS I'd rather they knew nothing at all as I dread to think what they may have been told already and may be told in the future, to explain our absence from their lives.

Sparkly not sure how I'd have handled that situation. I'm pretty sure my response would have been 'well he'd better not come then'. You're a better person than me that's for sure I may have been able to ignore my ES but not my GC.

Yogagirl Sat 05-Aug-17 09:19:18
Flpping heck! yogaqirl what did mumofmadboys do to get that response from you. Totally unjustified .

Yoga, that gap in nd's wedding photo probably says more about estd and esil than it does about nd. And remember, some people won't even be aware of the gap, especially as years go by. If nd's kids don't really know estd and their cousins, they aren't likely to notice it. It's not like they'll be saying, "Omg! What's wrong with this picture?" as they get older. You and nd may always think of the gap when you look at this picture, but not everyone will. Hope that helps a little.

Yogagirl the pain goes on. I had a glimpse of my estDS DiL and one DGD at my grandmothers funeral 7 years ago. I was readingthe eulogy as eldest GC but an aunt warnede not to speak to my DS because he had made it conditional that they would only come if I didn't speak with or to them.

It was a sad enough occasion as my grandmother and I were very close and doing the eulogy and reading a Bible passage rather took up my nerves that day.

Smileless my exDH, my estDS's father snuck me a photo of the last baby DGD when she was born.

Anyway, reading a new author I heard recommended on Radio 4 - to take my mind off all this - Elizabeth Strout. Should keep me quiet. What works for me is distraction, keeping my mind off the family stuff.

celebgran wishing you well. X

Smile less, was it this Easter your son saw his brother, your estranged son, if so, how did he seem, was he happy, was his family happy, did the chikdren know all about you?. Hope I am not prying, if so just ignore me.
I too know all the family events I have missed and will never have.

Yoga and Smileless,agree about the huge void at family gatherings..very painful to see others in the family enjoy their relationships with their offspring.But,we have to take a deep breath and continue.
What we have learned from this experience is to feel compassion and understanding for others in the same situation.

Our children must also feel that chasm of separation too.
They will have to work that one out themselves.

Celeb,sending my good wishes along with others.
You have given a lot of yourself on this thread over the years and have given support to many who perhaps read and don't wish to post too.

We find ourselves in a situation we would never have either imagined or understood, but, if we/I can give any support to anyone whose being affected by this then it's a positive thing to share.
NSx

Your DD's birthday celebrations sound lovely Yogagirl.

I'm not a lover of photo's especially if I'm in them. We have loads of course but the only one we have on show is DS and his lovely wife on their wedding day. It was taken without them realising so neither are looking a the camera and those are the ones I like the most.

A couple of months ago I was shown a pic of DS, Dd.i.l. and our GC taken at Easter when they'd gone to visit ES. The GC didn't look anything thing like I thought they would. I still remember the eldest the way he looked when we last saw him aged just 8 months, and of course have never really seen the youngest at all.

Photo's can tell their own story I think. The gap in your DD's wedding pics due to the absence of her sister and brother Yogagirl and for me, the smiles on the faces of DS and Dd.i.l. in that photo I saw.

There's virtually no contact between DS and ES now. They used to skype regularly and chat with eldest GC but have never done so with the youngest. The smiles, not from the children of course, were too smiley; there was a falseness, a trying too hard look about them.

One for ES's family album perhaps. A rare photo for those C to see of themselves and the only members of their father's family that they'll have ever met.

'A picture paints a thousand words' sometimes by what it doesn't show and sometimes because of what it does.

Off to work now, yah!

Just in case I don't get on here later;

Very best of luck to you Celebgran on your op tomorrow. You'll be sitting up in bed drinking your cup of tea [cuppa] before you know it, the op all in the past and then just to recuperate at your leisure pm me your email add and I'll send you a nice e-card xxx

Grannygrace Do you see your DS at family gatherings, weddings, special birthday parties, anniversaries etc?
My estD&S do not attended any of these, I do sometimes think 'if only I could have a glimmes of them, just a glimmes'

I do realize it is still a very painful situation for you Grace and one you would dream & wish to change

My ND's wedding photos have a big gap in, were her sister & brother, niece & nephew should have been and she said [only to me] that her wedding day was spoilt due to them not being there Her brother would have given her away, her sister 'maid-of-honour' and little L&J bridesmaid & paige-boy. The photos will be seen for generations to come, with the gap!

Thank you Luckylegs

Just a footnote to my last post [which I now can't see as I'm on prev. page reading more posts, thought I was going mad or lost the last post, till I saw I was on page 25, still to see page 26] enough waffle Anyway, I have stated that in my will, as even if we were reunited tomorrow, the pain would still be in my heart, the 5yrs of destruction still there, the special bond I had with my precious GD would not suddenly vanish, I would have to rebuild the relationship with my DGD from the point of my being a stranger to her The damaged done to my ND will last a life time. I've yet to ask her if she got any 'happy birthday' messages from her brother & sister, but I know the answer to that for her!

Bibbity well said x

Grannygrace sorry to hear you do not see much of your DS, but as you do see him, then that is not estrangement, do you hear from him on the phone? If you had had beloved GC ripped out of your life you may well feel different about the inheritance. I have put in my will that even if we were to be reunited, my will stays the same. 5yrs on, I really cannot convey the pain in my heart, daily, hourly pain