Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

Oops mean to say DH said his life has been happier etc etc NOT DS

Wow Luckylegs. Touché !!! I had a brief foray into MumsNet earlier - first time ever - and I don't know what prompted me really (apart from the fact, maybe, that am approaching the 2 year 'anniversary' of my DS's partner cutting herself off from DH and me)

Could hardly believe the vitriol and hate expressed towards MIL's for relatively minor 'offences.' Of course, some mums were totally justified in their rants but reading that a DIL hated the MIL because she was fat or had given a child sweets (it's a no no, but hardly a hanging offence!) made me very sad.

I always stayed on the periphery of my DS and his partners life when their child was born, gave help when required, never made unscheduled visits, didn't criticise (she is a very competent mum anyway) or judge. Did whatever she wanted me to do when she wanted me to do it, and yet she has accused me of intimidating and bullying her! In fact, it was the reverse - she tried to humiliate and bully ME.

DS said the other day that his life has been happier and much less stressful since we have no contact with son's partner. We are fortunate, and probably in the minority in this situation, in that we are 'allowed' to see our DGS.

Thanks for sharing that with us Luckylegs I don't want to take a look on there either, rather get a little info third hand. Same with my estD, I won't go on her FB page, too upsetting.

Glad to hear your husband is better now Rhinestone for him. I went to court for visitation rights, wouldn't recommend that road, does more harm than good and like Sparklygran I wish I had seen this forum first. I went to mediation, great for me, but they declined, so that was the end of that!

Nice to hear your knees have been sorted out Celebgran I'm sure your husband was thinking of you when he sent his letter to your estD about your back surgery, no harm done there, at least she is informed.

Smileless and I have been having some nice 'chats' on PM, so hence not on here so often.

Eddiecat Xx

My new neighbour next door is having her baby this week, it was due Tuesday, car gone last night and still gone this morning, so I'm thinking it's all happening now

Out to the park for some walkies in the sunshine before my Yoga day/evening begins.

Take care all xx

Hello everyone, hope you are all well. I have just, for the first time, looked on Mumsnet. Not joined up or anything. I couldn't get over the bad language for a start. Looked at a thread on no contact, to see the other side of the situation. There seemed to be such trivial reasons for nc, no love or respect for parents who were judged not fit for some thing or other. Very sad. I wonder if they themselves are perfect mums, perhaps by their own standards, we all do our best, but what an example to their children. My way or your out of the picture, is the message loud and clear. There were mums of course that didn't feel that way at all, didn't agree with it but it as upsetting to see those with closed hearts. Wished I hadn't looked now. Think family dynamics should be on the curriculum at schools, that and negotiating skills in different situations, so you are not just seeing any problem from one angle.

Rhinestone good luck with applying for visitation rights to be considered.

About 4 years ago I looked into it - both Families Need Fathers and Grandparents Network give phone and leaflet advice on estrangement and the legal process.Or point you in the right direction.

I was warned it would cost financially, emotionally for all, so decided firmly against taking action.

I wish I had known about here and Gransnet when I was taking advice and seeking support. One lady on one occasion on one of the support/advice lines, did ask me ''Well what did you do, you must have done something?''.

Stumped me a bit.

Anyway - celebgran I hope all your pre-appointments go smoothly and the operation goes ahead and is successful. .

CelebgranI know how you feel about your husband as I was mad at mine for writing that he missed the grandchildren and not his son also. We are now looking into grandparents visitation rights and may petition the courts for some time with the grandkids. You can also go to mediation here in the states but the estranged person has to be willing to do that so that might not work.
I understand why your DH did what he did . It was almost like he was in panicky mode and anxious for you and your surgery. Eddiecat is right. Concentrate on you and getting well after surgery. Focusing on your ED may not be in your best interests after surgery.

Thanks smilless and eddiecat yes yourmare totally right edicts

It will be hard as on18th July and 26th also actual op date 7th August we travel to within few hundred yardsof daughters home that's where hospital islbut have to try be strong and focus on those who love. ME and are reliable your are correct

Also lovely ladies on here,

Dr Stanislavsky was a poppett waited 20mmkns then was in his room 40 minutes he scanned, drained and injected both knees totally unrushed with me left k e bit sore and had rest as had double dose cortisone feel bit flushed etc,
He knows my back surgeon and wanted me to see him in first place he feels confident in him, it was dr Stanislav whoreferred me for.mri scan and to see back consultant in first place.

We enjoyed lunch now resting having bought pretty giftbag ? Rose for kind neibor who watered plants at weekend,
Sadly one who used to and we Fed her cats refused to(hoidays clashed so she had to pay cat sitter) mmm not very pleasant, just what we neeed at moment a totally selfish ? nasty neibor.
Still live and learn spent hours helping dh feed cats and searching for them over last few years no more!

Celeb - I think you would be wise to try to put your daughter out of your mind at the moment - easier said than done I`m sure. But if she did get in touch you would be worrying about what might happen next - and you really don`t need that as you lead up to your op and then recover. Let yourself be supported by people you know you can rely on - your lovely husband and son and niece - and all of your friends here.
x

Hope your appointment goes well Celeb.

We've felt better too, since letting go but theremains in me Rhinestone and I think it always will.

Mr. S. sees a friend at bowls whose son refuses to even look at his parents when he sees them in the street. They were excluded from their GC's lives too for about 18 months but now see them regularly. Just goes to shows that for some AC, regardless of the 'issues' they believe they have with their parents, not all are prepared to use their own children as weapons against them.

We have an email from ES in which he says 'if you don't see me, you wont see my children'. Don't know what he was trying to say bearing in mind that it was his choice to have nothing to do with us, and not the other way around.

Oops ? iPad get stuck

Part of me yearns to hear from her as it's lonely path before major surgery but I really do accept now that she doesn't care, I don't want upset my dear husband but I really don't want him to write again on my behalf,

I know he thinks we are so near to her house at hospital so it is emotional

Off for my knee appt today not seen consulant since January,

It is my lovley niece birthday today she is same age as ed
We seeing her and little ones Thursday,

We had amazed weekend away but did feel rough yesterday so tired and in so much pain ☹️?

Rhinestone you sound too angry for concillatory letter at moment,

Try let it go we feel better since we have but it's longer for us

??for us all

I won't lie rhinestone but i don't go into details,

I keep wondering if my daughter read letter and if she will care.

It hurts deeply and do rather wish myndear husband haspdnt sent it there is always part of me that can't

Well ladies I went to my reunion. 64 people were gone all ready so that was depressing. I did wear my fancy jeweled sandal the first night( It was three days of talking and standing) By the second day my hip and knee hurt from standing for three hours.So you can imagine how I felt by Sunday.
Not that I expected it but we have not heard back from our ESS after my DH send a Father's Day card. So the next step is called mediation where grandparents can petition the court for visitation. It may go no where but we have nothing to lose. I told my DH that I wanted to write my EDIL a letter but I would probably make things worse right now. I have too much anger even though I would feel better letting her know that we need to be told what we did to cause the estrangement.
Here it is 2 1/2 years later and I have more anger now. It was embarrassing to have to lie at the reunion about two grandchildren pretending we see them and they are doing this and that.

Celebgran you are right, no loving mum and parent deserves to be treated with cruelty.
Lucklegs,Starlady and Smileless, the weekend was quiet. I watched some of my Elizabeth I (with Glenda Jackson) dvd set, and did some photo sorting. Watered plants in pots. I hope everyone else had more excitement!

Obviously I meant no loving caring mum as we do seem to be on here, deserves such cruelty and deprivation of any care o suport from a child or chance to love our grandchildren ??

Thank you ladies, i ajvemasked dh not to ontact her again in connection. With me I can fully understand why he did it and am very pleased that it doesn't hurt me in such severe way anymore.

I take on board cruel that it is my own daughter discarded us after using all love and support we could give her, and she no longer wants us in her life,

Like lucklylegs I no longer prepared to be hurt or insulted by her anymore.
It will always hurt me but i cope now whereas I used to be so tearful and struggled so much to come terms with it,

?For us all no mum deserves this cruelty,

Thanks, Sparkly! Hope you're having a good weekend, too!

Rhinestone the sandal looks gorgeous.

Luckylegs you too and everyone on here - a peaceful weekend.

Luckylegs

Rhinestone, your foot looks lovely, hope the other one matches.
Good weekend everyone.

Oooo, the shoes are delightful, Rhinestone!

Sorry dh hasn't heard from ess yet. But maybe it's just as well. Who knows what kind of reply it would be?

Celeb, I'm sorry Mr. C wrote to ed. I understand why he did it, but I just hope it doesn't push you back to that bad place where you hurt if she doesn't show any concern. I know you know not to expect it though (maybe Mr. C is still hoping?). Do you think maybe you should ask him not to contact her where your concerned again?

Smileless, you sound so happy. Good to see it!

Sandals look great Rhinestone as do your painted toe nails. How audacious of you, wearing your family jewels on your feet.

Yes, wouldn't it be great to get together over a; never say never. Love that word 'hinny' by the way. I'll definitely be renewing Mr. S's. contract bless him.

Mr. C. is a sweetie Celeb, I just hope you wont be upset if your don't hear from your ED. It might be better if you could put her to the back of your mind for now.

Had a grueling workout at the gym this morning. We took a look at a new leisure center that opened just 2 weeks ago only a 10 minute drive from where we live. It's amazing; state of the art gym and olympic size swimming pool so I'm going to join as one of the classes they're doing twice a week, body pump, really appeals.

My current gym membership doesn't run out until the end of the year but it will be cheaper for me to be a member of this new one then just pay for 2 classes a week. I used to go 4 times a week, twice for training and then 2 classes but I've just stuck with the training because by the time I've driven there, done my workout and got home it takes almost 3 hours. Not sure what I'll do when my original membership runs out because the guy who owns and runs the gym is a mate now.

Well ladies, it's Friday sooooofor us all.

Oh rhinestone love your sandal and sense of humour.

Just had such lovley message from myndear nephews wife mother of little xxxxx and baby xxxxxx

She was so thoughtful saying hope ed relies or it will be. MOre stress before my op one orpf reasons didn't want dh to write but he menst well,

Better get dressed packing done looking forward to weekend

Have good one ladies ??☀️?

Smileless I'm so happy to hear you say how happy you are now. I hope I can get to that point. Mr. S is a nice thoughtful man. Renew his contract for a few more years.
CelebgranI know being angry is a waste of energy but I can't snap out of it yet. Actually I should feel pity for my ESS and his wife because one day Mr Karma will come back to bite them in the hinny.
Wish I could have a cuppa, as you say over there, with you two.

Ok ladies- My toe is mostly healed though hidden in the sandal and I'm ready to go to my reunion this weekend. How do you like the family jewels on the shoe?

Op isn't til 7 August but his secretary rang today with 26th july appt for any questions appt with surgeon and sign consent form.