Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.TWO

Welcome Christina You sound like a very strong person despite the estrangement . It's hard for some of us who did know our grandchildren to have them ripped away from us.It tears at our heart. I almost think for me it would have been better tonot know our grandson for three years because now I know what I am missing. And yes I'm lucky that I can get to see two other grandchildren but our family is still broken. The estrangement caused my DD to be estranged also and cousins to not be together at holidays. What's more fun than getting into mischief with your cousins. We are all going thru grief at the same time but with different situations. Smileless said it best... it's a living bereavement.
We are here for you

I`m not sure if I should post this here but last night we had a wonderful skype with grandchildren - in their DS`s new home - all looking very happy. Long may it continue!

My biggest worry if our estrangement with them comes to an end is - will I be banished from this thread?!

(I`m sure there will be lots of hitches along the way and I`m still going to need you all)

I have been estranged 11 years Yogagirl, the first 6 were awful and the past four, since I just left my EAC and spouse be, much better. Of course I wish it was different, but it isn't, I can't change it and so no point in bashing my head against that brick wall time over, I just chose to leave them be and work on reclaiming my life, for me. If one day there is reconcilliation, ok, but until then, my way of thinking is that I did my best as a parent, have always and will always love my EAC, I don't know my grandchildren nor do they know me, it is not my choice not to have a relationship with them. I have one life so live it and not waste any more emotional energy on something I cannot change. It takes time to heal and I wish those of you still struggling with your grief and emotions find peace one day too.

Thanks Sparkly you too and all on here
Hope you're feeling better today Celebgran extras

Lovely post Christina and welcome How long have you been estranged, to get to such a good place? xx

Bless you Smileless I hope you got a good nights sleep, maybe not the best time to listen to that CD

Hello ChristinaG. Thanks for such a compassionate and life affirming post.

Naughty Smileless
Naughty Yogagirl
Naughty Celebgran

celeb shower seats are a marvel, and I have one. I hope when your new one is fitted, it proves useful as you recover.

With my last surgery I had morphine patches for the pain, your kind GP sounds amazing.

Maddyone and Smileless I also think I decided humble pie is not for me, either.

It's one of my darling DGC birthdays in 5 weeks...it still is painful as the love I have is still in my heart...

Have the best Sunday you can, fellow estranged grans.

Thanks, Christina! And welcome!

Smileless, you're right about Maddy and her dh having "eaten humble pie" in the past. I forgot that. Sorry maddy.

I think maybe there is an element of PTSD for many estranged, a trigger from the past such as your West Life can stir up emotions for us all, I have no doubt of that. I don't think for one minute that my EAC doesn't have similar triggers too. I know some posters here, not all, but some are still very angry, I was once too but not anymore and don't for one minute believe my EAC is happy with the situation or even planned it to have lasted so many years. But, how can the EAC reach out when they know how much they have hurt those who have loved them so, maybe they are scared too or just don't know how to ? I found my inner peace when I let my EAC free, with the words "I will always love you and my door will always be open" and I will always love my EAC unconditionally. I wish the young family I am estranged from nothing but peace and happiness. My grandchildren aren't suffering not having me in their lives, yes, they are missing out on what would have been a loving relationship with me but what a child has never had, a child wont miss is my reckoning. I keep a memory box including a book of stories about yesteryears, happy fun stories, my EAC growing up, EAC's school books, pictures, school reports, baby shoes, first hair brush - all those memoirs. If and when my grandchildren look me up I will only display the love I had for my EAC. I will not pass on negativities that might conflict their relationship with their parents, that would be just running around the treadmill of circles, sowing the seeds of estrangement down into my grandchildren's generation. It is an awful thing estrangement but I do believe all within are hurt, not just us parents and grandparents but our EAC too. "just my thoughts"

It's late and I should be in bed but instead I'm listening to a Westlife CD. I wondered if I'd be able to play it without crying as certain songs remind me of ES and how things used to be.

So far, so good. I haven't played this CD since we moved and listening to it now casts my mind back to those early days when I could barely get out of bed and used to go to bed hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

It also casts my mind back to the first time I found an estrangement thread on GN. I posted and within minutes was welcomed by Celeb and Yogagirl. That was a turning point for me, to know that there were others living the same nightmare, that I wasn't alone and that I'd found someone who understood my pain and suffering and believed me when I said we'd done nothing to deserve our son's abandonment of us.

We've hit a few bumps recently on this thread and my biggest fear is that we'll lose it. We'll lose the care and support that we give to one another and the care and support that is here for anyone who finds themselves estranged from someone they love.

I think that there are some who simply don't understand why we keep posting; why we seem to go around in endless circles. I don't know why we were cut out and I know that's the same for you too. I don't know where this circle began but I know that it will never end. It is as is often described a living bereavement.

It's been wonderful to read Luckyleg's posts to see how far she's come. To be able to support eddie as her son's marriage has come to an end. To have been a support to Maddy and to have welcomed Christina.

The love and support that this thread has given to Celeb as she recovers from major surgery has been amazing. There isn't another thread on GN like the estrangement threads where close bonds and friendships are made.

Well I was doing OK until I heard 'You are so beautiful (to me)' because that was my song for him. He was so beautiful, inside and out and all I have now is the memory of how he used to be.

Your post is certainly food for thought Starlady that said Maddy has said that they've eaten humble pie for things they haven't done wrong.

We're all different as are our levels of tolerance but this isn't the first time they've been 'punished' by having contact with their GC refused. I sometimes think that trying to have a rational conversation with some of these adult children is about as fruitful as trying to negotiate with terrorists.

I think your DH must be full of humble pie Maddy and I can understand why he wont be bullied as one who also refuses to be.

Luckylegs learning to live with this estrangement is a life long journey. It really doesn't matter how long it takes any of us to reach our destination, a place that we wouldn't choose to visit never mind stay for a life time. You've come a long way in extremely difficult circumstances and your courage and strength really is inspirational.

Christina.

Forgive me I can see you have now removed offensive post.

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I am an estranged parent and grandparent denied any contact with my grandchildren and think your metaphors mixed together are an excellent way forward Starlady.

More good wishes, celeb!

Maddy, I'm so sorry about what happened. I hope dh didn't say anything to set dd off. But I get that it may not take much - she sounds very full of anger, for whatever reason.

I don't think it's a choice, though, between continuing to put up with this and being done with her. Maybe you and dh could send her an email and tell her that you'd love to talk these issues over with her but won't do so again till she's ready to talk calmly and rationally? Tell her to let you know when that is? It may take a long time, but maybe it will make her think about how she reacts to you people. If you don't mind my mixing metaphors, at the same time, it leaves the door open but puts the ball in her court.

Maybe not. Just an idea.

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Celeb, the shower seat will be invaluable to you as you recover, my mum (much older than you, I snuck a look at your profile) had a seat fitted years ago and it has been useful to her. She sits on it and then carefully brings her legs round and into the bath.
Thank you again ladies for kindness and support, it's so important at a time like this. Ye p.m.s Celeb, my daughter is being very difficult about us seeing her or the children (3 and a half year old twins), I wrote a thread entitled Sibling Jealousy a few weeks ago, and received some support but some posts were not supportive at all, and that's when I came here instead. I know you all understand because you've all had/got similar problems. I was shocked when my DH put the phone down on DD, and said he wouldn't be bullied, because he's not a quitter! He does so much for our children, all of them. A few weeks ago he decorated two bedrooms for DD, I lent them my car whilst one of theirs was repaired, DD took their car to be repaired, DD walked their dog, we even managed a half day of childcare for them back in early July. All the the time they were cool, leading up to now, basically no contact, not allowed to see the twins. It's happened before, often, eventually we've eaten humble pie for things we didn't think we'd done wrong, but DH says he's not eating any more humble pie!
So we are where we are. But thank you all for support, I'm truly shocked by how much of this is going on, but this thread is helpful.

It's pretty awful when everyone been hugely supportive for me at this horrendous time.

Thanks ladies ? For youmall my lovely gp trying me on controlled morphine so we can try get some sleep.
She came visit again yesterday so kind of her,

Got xxx godparents visiting shortly xxx taking
Dh to get controlled drugs.

Better go get wash don't feel up to shower today i a having shower fold up seat fitted next week.

Thanks rhinestone glad you,had good trip with family

Hard concentrate on All this morphine hope makes sense,

Maddy Well done to your husband in trying with your estD, at least you know he tried. Your estD's jealousy is causing her to 'cut off her nose' so the end of this can only come from her!

Fear of walking on eggshells would not be a reason for me not to reunited, but all of what I've said in my above post.

Celebgran hope you are feeling a lot brighter today and that the pain has eased

Morning girls

Luckylegs very good post and again that could have come from me. Your mother's quote I need on a plaque to stick on my fridge, in fact I've just written it down as my 'life lesson' for my classes today, isn't the sort of quote I would normally say, but it could be just the thing for someone else to hear. Quite often in my classes, students come up to me after and say that quote was for me!

As for reunited with once beloved D, like you I don't know how that could happen now. How could you reunited with someone that has destroyed your family, your ND, your beloved GD, damaged your GS & S. My estD didn't just destroy me, she hang me on the cross & crucified me! All this with a smile on her face

I watched 3 programmes on the Indian partition of 70yrs ago, I will think of those atrocities done, to try and put my hurts into prospective. I had no idea of this awful part of Indian history!