New life at 65

I moved into my own house after splitting up with my partner of 13 years and before that getting divorced from a husband of 18 years. It was the very first time I'd ever lived by myself and it was wonderful. When I left the house tidy to go to work, it was still tidy when I came home. If I wanted to put the sewing machine out and leave it on the table to finish something later, then I could without someone whinging it was in the way. I can still remember the pleasure of my own house and my own way of doing things. Look for the pleasure in living alone and enjoy it!

loopyloo. look after yourself and remember it is not your fault!

Hope your OK loopylou

I'm heading for the same Heathers after 40 years. It's very frightening especially as there will be very little money to buy a house/flat, and I'm retired.
Found out today about him not being the man I thought he was, horrible.

My husband dumped me after 40+ years. I just wish it had all happened years and years sooner. Now we are friendly which is better than festering bitterness. However, now that I've been on my own for 3 years I appreciate the benefits of not pandering to his ideals. I was fortunate enough to buy my own little house and like many have said, when I close the front door, it is all mine. I eat when and what I like, go to bed when I choose, watch telly that I enjoy, go out when I like, let my two cats sleep on my bed. Yes, there are times when I feel vulnerable but overall, I'm quite content. As for future relationships .... no thanks, not for me, not ever. I've been let down and betrayed too often by the men in my life. So good luck and make sure you endeavour to create a social life for yourself where you can make new friends. There's U3A, the WI, clubs to suit all tastes .... try them all, then decide what suits you best.

What have you always wanted to do- your dream- there's nobody holding you back now- go for it- good luck

Embrace it I look back now and my only regret is that I waited 27 years I still get a lovely feeling usually on Friday evening as weekends were the worst he worked away during the week and I can't believe how calm and content I know feel

Lizziepopbottle, Your final paragraph is thoughtfully and beautifully stated. Thank you.

First of all, Heathers, I wish you every happiness. Good advice from others, take things slowly. I have a lovely friend whose husband is an alcoholic and she needed a "little push" (her words) to do something she's been wanting to do for ages. She said, "there would be so much freedom in that" ... She's going to arrange care for her husband and do it! You've got the freedom now to do all sorts of things. But small steps at first maybe!

I was only married for 20 yrs before I got divorced, goodness knows how long I would have stuck it out had he not had an affair and been found out. It was tough at first, I felt rather lost, my son by this time was 17yrs old and was carrying on with his education and eventually university. Money was short and we didn't have a lot but I was much happier being able to make my own decisions, to do what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. Socially yes it was all couples and friends I had then seemed to drift away over time, but at least the ones that were left I knew to be proper friends. My sister was also a great boost, we did an awful lot together, outings, holidays etc. Her husband had his golf holiday and we had our holiday, perfect. Unfortunately she passed away in January so I have now lost my best friend as well as my sister.
I suppose what I am trying to say is yes, it will be hard at first, but I would not have it any other way now, I am my own boss so to speak and really enjoying it.

Speaking as someone of a similar age who has been agonising about making the decision to leave an equally longstanding partnership for some years now, I really think heathers that the hardest part is done and with a couple of firm shakes your wings will unfurl and you will fly. Onwards and upwards and the very best of luck to you

Do you know what it's called, please?

Anthea Turner has just published a book about life after divorce. I'm sure it's full of tips and good advice.

I am sorry Conners but the thought of you hiding in the wardrobe from a boring husband I hope you had plenty of and books or iPad in there to pass the time.

Are you ready to start dating again ?

Would you like to find new men friends ?

You may not be surprised to find that there are men who may be in a situation like you, where they are seperated, divorced, widowed or otherwise single - and keen to develop a positive friendship

You may not want to develop a permanent, long-term relationship, so you can go out occasionally for weekends away or days out visiting galleries or theatre or films or just doing things together that you both enjoy - almost like a teenager

Online dating is the current way to meet new people, but you may be bewildered at the many options.
I have had good experiences via: "IllicitEncounters"

Once you register you will be flooded with offers, so you have to be ruthless at avoiding the toy-boys and philanderers - and separating the married from the single !

Engage online with the ones who seem interesting and ask them to describe how you will spend your second date.

Make a short list of 5-10 and meet them in a safe public place to see how you get on

If it works for you, you will be surprised how positive you will feel.

Take it one day at a time, go places you have always wanted to and embrace self. Do yoga, walk, read, get a cat, life is full of small pleasures ( and large ones ) After 34 years married I had resorted to hiding in the wardrobe when I came home from work in case he came over from his office to share his day (moan and complain)

I just read an article about someone who got married to herself. She wore a white dress, carried flowers and made the usual vows about loving and cherishing herself and threw a big party! Her dad gave her away..... erm..... to herself.

A new adventure beckons. Embrace it and enjoy. Wishing you much happiness in your independence. I love mine x

You sound as if you were lonely, or worse when married.

I wish you well this life is full of wonderful people, one of them is you, be good to yourself.

Very encouraging posts. I still waiting for my "partner" to go! His choice. Then I shall be busy cleaning his grotty room and making my home how I want it. Still depresses me though.

Just remind yourself that, 'I probably couldn't have done this if.....'

????x

Congratulations and well done. Local college courses for next September? Small puppy or kitten are wonderful for company. Puppy walking/training good for building up network of people to chat to. Ditto arts and crafts courses. Then you will start to learn what's going on in your area that you really want to get into.

i realised after 25 years that i was in a situation that i didn't want to be in - i rediscovered ME.
that was almost 23 years ago now and i haven't looked back.
i found my lovely little house and was able to furnish it exactly as i wanted and i was able to eat what i wanted and watch the television that i wanted.
in fact i decided that: i would do what i wanted, how i wanted, when i wanted, where i wanted, with whom i wanted, if i wanted - and if i didn't want then i wouldn't!!! it's a rule i still live by today.
in the end i suppose it's made me somewhat selfish but when i rediscovered ME i found that i like ME and encouraged her to do what she liked.
as others have said, you have the freedom to do what comes to mind and you don't have to consider others [well not to the extent that you did before you left the situation you were in].
in the past 22 years i've finished a business studies degree, got computer qualifications and also a garden design qualification. i discovered that i can DIY and garden. the only things i can't do are electrics, plumbing and building. but i know in theory what i should do as i've read up on them [and watched all those building/diy programmes on the tele].
look forward to your new life heathers - take time to think what you'd like to do and do it! join clubs, go out to lunch with friends, rescue a dog and go walking [you'll soon meet people then], just go out ............. or stay in with coffee/wine and a good book/film. if it's pouring with rain or freezing cold then home is the best place to be and if you're surrounded by things that you've bought and love then your life is good.

I started my new life after 36 years with my childhood sweetheart by valuing my own company and enjoying doing simple things when I wanted.
Watching a good film on tv/reading in the early hours of the morning
with a lovely cup of tea. Good luck in your new life and enjoy your freedom