New life at 65

This may sound a bit trivial, but as a start, think about the things that you couldn't do when you were with him, even something as simple as eating a food that you like but never served because he didn't like it, then think to yourself "ooh goody, I can do this now!"
I can still remember the pleasure I got from eating my first lamb chop for years.
I know this is only a small thing, but small things add up.
Best of luck with your new life.

One step at at time Heathers I should think.If you are already living somewhere after leaving him, then think about what you want from life.If you are feeling lonely and have no family near, join a couple of clubs locally, such as WI or a history or gardening or book club to meet new people.Don't rush into anything ( relationship) it will take you time to adjust to your new life.?

Sorry typo,that should read.....don't rush into anything.

I agree heathers small steps one at a time. Start by giving yourself small treats, a new book, chocs an outing to a favourite place. I lived alone for ten years and it is much better than living with someone you don't want to be with. There will be times when you are lonely but pick up the phone, get on GN. Volunteers are always wanted in all spheres of life. Embrace your new life, and live it for you.

If you're feeling down, heathers, remind yourself why you left him! I've been single now for nine years and it can be awkward at times. The world of social interaction is largely populated by couples but there are distinct advantages to being partner free. You can please yourself what you're going to do/not do, buy, wear, eat, when you'll sleep, get up, whether/where to go on holiday (or not to go at all), who you'll call friends, how much time you spend with friends...

Embrace singledom. There's a lot to be said for the freedom of it.

Apologies, of course, to any GNer who may be recently bereaved or whose partner has left them. I've been widowed nine years and would not celebrate that fact. It was truly tragic. I'm realistic enough, though, to accept my single life and I don't mind admitting I will never pursue another relationship.

Wow! After 40 years? I wish I was that brave!!!!

Start by congratulating yourself on your independence !

The thing I most appreciated once I had left an unhappy marriage was not having to worry about the atmosphere in the house when I came home from work or being out somewhere, not having to anticipate what his temper or mood would be. The bliss of opening my front door, with certainty that my home would be calm and welcoming. And I took pleasure in ensuring that my home smelled fresh and pleasant, that there was a welcoming lamp lit (it was wintertime), that I could turn on music or the radio to something I wanted to listen to, and could sit down with a freshly made brew in peace and quiet. It more than compensated for the occasional panic and loneliness when I worried about my future alone.
Good luck, Heathers

How about the fact that you can now watch any tv program you want at any time that you're home, day or night. You can go to sleep early if you want to and get up in the middle of the night, turn on the light and read for a while if you wish. You can vacation anywhere in the world or just lie in bed till noon every day when you have time off. It may take time to adjust, but please try to enjoy your newfound freedom!

Lizzie and Starlady say what I feel. Although in my case I was widowed, thought my world had ended, I have never wanted anyone but him, but I too am a happy singleton, it more than compensates for the lonely moments we all get. I have already planned my new holiday for next year though, it's going to be expensive so thus year I am catching up on those jobs at home that I do myself. The only problem I have is not seeing my daughter, but that wouldn't change if I had a partner. I put my music on, light scented candles and drink my Pinot or Chardonnay and put my feel up. Heaven.

Total bliss being single after 3 difficult and abusive marriages. I now do all the things I've never been able to do - learn languages, go to night school, and best of all - paint my beautiful and well-selling flower paintings! No man to demand dinner on the table at 6 - I eat and sleep whenever I want, go out when I want and am assured of a calm life, wonderful son and his family and a small group of fab friends who I see when mutually convenient! I will NEVER look to have another relationship - heaven forbid! Join some clubs, go to the theatre with friends and if you are fit join the local tennis/bowls/whatever group and have fun! Congratulations and best of luck! xx

If you have a local library and have not been using it, that is probably a good place to start. Just sitting and reading the newspapers there, browsing around, you will probably get to know regular people. They have books of local associations and their notice board will have local activities etc.

Congratulate yourself! I wish I could find the courage ....
Good luck, health and happiness to you!

I started my new life after 36 years with my childhood sweetheart by valuing my own company and enjoying doing simple things when I wanted.
Watching a good film on tv/reading in the early hours of the morning
with a lovely cup of tea. Good luck in your new life and enjoy your freedom

i realised after 25 years that i was in a situation that i didn't want to be in - i rediscovered ME.
that was almost 23 years ago now and i haven't looked back.
i found my lovely little house and was able to furnish it exactly as i wanted and i was able to eat what i wanted and watch the television that i wanted.
in fact i decided that: i would do what i wanted, how i wanted, when i wanted, where i wanted, with whom i wanted, if i wanted - and if i didn't want then i wouldn't!!! it's a rule i still live by today.
in the end i suppose it's made me somewhat selfish but when i rediscovered ME i found that i like ME and encouraged her to do what she liked.
as others have said, you have the freedom to do what comes to mind and you don't have to consider others [well not to the extent that you did before you left the situation you were in].
in the past 22 years i've finished a business studies degree, got computer qualifications and also a garden design qualification. i discovered that i can DIY and garden. the only things i can't do are electrics, plumbing and building. but i know in theory what i should do as i've read up on them [and watched all those building/diy programmes on the tele].
look forward to your new life heathers - take time to think what you'd like to do and do it! join clubs, go out to lunch with friends, rescue a dog and go walking [you'll soon meet people then], just go out ............. or stay in with coffee/wine and a good book/film. if it's pouring with rain or freezing cold then home is the best place to be and if you're surrounded by things that you've bought and love then your life is good.

Congratulations and well done. Local college courses for next September? Small puppy or kitten are wonderful for company. Puppy walking/training good for building up network of people to chat to. Ditto arts and crafts courses. Then you will start to learn what's going on in your area that you really want to get into.

????x

Just remind yourself that, 'I probably couldn't have done this if.....'

Very encouraging posts. I still waiting for my "partner" to go! His choice. Then I shall be busy cleaning his grotty room and making my home how I want it. Still depresses me though.

You sound as if you were lonely, or worse when married.

I wish you well this life is full of wonderful people, one of them is you, be good to yourself.

A new adventure beckons. Embrace it and enjoy. Wishing you much happiness in your independence. I love mine x

I just read an article about someone who got married to herself. She wore a white dress, carried flowers and made the usual vows about loving and cherishing herself and threw a big party! Her dad gave her away..... erm..... to herself.

Take it one day at a time, go places you have always wanted to and embrace self. Do yoga, walk, read, get a cat, life is full of small pleasures ( and large ones ) After 34 years married I had resorted to hiding in the wardrobe when I came home from work in case he came over from his office to share his day (moan and complain)

Are you ready to start dating again ?

Would you like to find new men friends ?

You may not be surprised to find that there are men who may be in a situation like you, where they are seperated, divorced, widowed or otherwise single - and keen to develop a positive friendship

You may not want to develop a permanent, long-term relationship, so you can go out occasionally for weekends away or days out visiting galleries or theatre or films or just doing things together that you both enjoy - almost like a teenager

Online dating is the current way to meet new people, but you may be bewildered at the many options.
I have had good experiences via: "IllicitEncounters"

Once you register you will be flooded with offers, so you have to be ruthless at avoiding the toy-boys and philanderers - and separating the married from the single !

Engage online with the ones who seem interesting and ask them to describe how you will spend your second date.

Make a short list of 5-10 and meet them in a safe public place to see how you get on

If it works for you, you will be surprised how positive you will feel.