Should we be more selfish?

Happy 70th Merlotgran.????

Go away with your husband and make some glorious memories.

I can't understand women with lovely husbands who don't make the best use of them.

You don't know what your family have in mind they may well have something up their sleeves so to speak but in the meantime plan your own plans, life is too short to be hanging around.

Go away if you want. We've spent our lives supporting offspring but this year, we went to Switzerland, just the two of us. It was fantastic and we're already looking at the next trip.

Yes definitely go away, enjoy planning it and make it something special. 40 years together is a special achievement, you have earned it, there is nothing selfish in that! Our children are of the opinion that we got married before they were born and it is nothing to do with them. They will turn up if they are free and there is food involved, bless them, but just to please us.

Don't limit yourselves to the one trip either, when you come home, start planning the next one, while you can.

Just go away on your own.
Last Christmas we treated ourselves to a fabulous holiday in favourite place, Cornwall, Children (adults) were a bit diasppointed, and I felt guilty, but it was so wonderful to spend Christmas there, the guilt wore off!
Go for it Emelle!

I agree that celebrating wedding anniversaries seems to have gone out of fashion. My parent's and grandparent's generation saw anniversaries as a really big achievement and made a big thing out of celebration.
Nowadays, although it's important to the couple, we all sort of know there's a lot of luck involved in staying married and alive after forty or fifty years.
Many people aren't so lucky, so it feels a bit unfair to have a big celebration when friends and other family members haven't reached that magic date because of divorce or widowhood.

Congratulations! Definitely go for holidays/experiences for two every time, precious moments together are priceless. Think theyre known as SKI holidays, Spending Kids' Inheritance!! My DH is 60 next week so Ive booked a surprise Med Cruise ( told him now!) really intend to push the boat out literally!! Have fun!

Do what you want to do, it's your anniversary so celebrate with a special holiday if that's something you enjoy.
I don't think the younger generations take so much notice of other family anniversary's etc, it's not the normal thing to have a party for every special one these days. I know from working for many years in the hospitality business that the number of organised do's greatly reduced over the years.

You are not bring selfish. Your d is going to gave a lovely break and why shouldn't you? The significance of your special days probably didn't register in the excitement of the invitation. I would have the holiday, then get together with your family for a meal out to celebrate, it doesn't matter if it's a couple of weeks late.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, Nfk and Greyduster. We'll have a quiet day with DD1 and DGS but it will be lovely to be at home with no travel to worry about/dogs in kennels etc.

Always a silver lining.

If you have always celebrated family events and anniversaries together then it is a shock to realise they mean more to you than to your children.

Many families do not celebrate these events on a family scale so a decision like this would pass unnoticed.

It all depends on your family's expectations.

I am coming very rapidly to my 80th , my D will come when she can, several weeks after the date, my S probably doesn't realise. My ex DiL will do more than anyone else.
I have accepted this for years, my H being totally undemonstrative. I have always done things for everyone else and for myself, this year I CBA even if it is probably the last significant birthday I will have.
I urge you all to please yourselves and spend all on yourself and what YOU want to do. I wish I had done.

Yes definitely spend money on yourselves, also nice to help the family though, so as said, happy medium, do both.

My Nan had a saying "everything has its importance"

Hope you do go on that nice holiday with your husband and hope you really enjoy it. Sounds like you have been a caring loving and giving parent and can not think of anyone more deserving of a lovely holiday than a loving parent

"I'm a bit confused about the bank of mum n dad thing because you haven't mentioned giving your family any money??"
Yes - that is confusing. I think that was due to poor editing and meant to say that we have given significant financial help in the past so was thinking it was time to spend our savings on us rather than having money available to help the family.

I don't understand why you think its selfish to have a holiday with your husband especially as your family are not going to be around.

Happy medium is always best, yes spend time with your family but also allow yourself a nice holiday with your husband

I'm a bit confused about the bank of mum n dad thing because you haven't mentioned giving your family any money??

May I add my good wishes too, Merlot. A very happy special birthday to you ??.

I don't think our offspring have any idea when our anniversary is!

Many Happy Returns of the Day Merlot. ? I hope your DH is soon fit enough for you to celebrate properly.

We have an anniversary and both birthdays in July we've decided to have a family picnic in a park with everyone contributing to the refreshments everyone loves the idea.

I agree. Look after yourselves and enjoy yourselves. Our offspring have never shown the slightest interest in spending our birthdays/anniversaries/Christmas with us or their celebrations either. They buy us nice gifts but would rather be with their friends, so we do the same!

Don't scrimp, spend on yourselves and have fun. You can't take money to the grave!

We have spent all three of our "special" anniversaries on a push the boat out for two. Like Nina we're perpetually short on numbers for a knees up, and don't enjoy them anyway, so we do what suits us best. The children have come to expect that. For our fiftieth, it would have proved almost impossible to get DD and DS and all their significants together on the day anyway, so we had arranged a family week away during the school holidays (it wasn't an outstanding success and frankly I wish we hadn't done it). But on the day itself the two of us were being superbly looked after at a lovely hotel in Norfolk. I'm with merlot; do what feels right for you, and don't stress about it.

Thank you for the lovely replies and support - it is helping so much. NanaandGrampy - you have summed it up better than I could -yes I am a little hurt especially as I don't think DD daughter has even realised the significance of the dates so hasn't considered suggesting we arrange something on an alternative date.
Now where's that travel brochure?

I'm 70 tomorrow horror!! DD2 had planned a party for me (yesterday) and the whole family would have been there.

Unfortunately, due to DH's sudden and unexpected health problems we reluctantly told her we would not dare risk the three hour trip and a weekend away until he's much better. Naturally I'm disappointed but his health must come first.

Re-scheduling might be tricky because of all their other commitments but what will be will be. As Luckygirl says, you don't know what's around the corner.

We had a weekend away for our Ruby Wedding and didn't feel at all guilty. We also went away for DH's 70th because it was straight after Christmas which is not a good time for family celebrations as everyone's had enough!

You have to do what feels right for you but if it were me I'd go for that holiday.

I understand totally where you're coming from in feeling a little 'put out' Emelle except I would say I was a little hurt.

Not because they had accepted the trip away or even that it was over two family events but more because they didn't suggest an alternative date .

We celebrated our 40th last year and despite having what I think is a close family, neither daughter thought it was important enough to visit ( we all live within 10 miles) or mark it in any way on the day.

Grampy and I thought it an achievement to have made it that far but it did feel like they didn't think it worthy of mention.

Maybe mention to your DD that they'll miss this milestone and suggest an alternative date when you can get together to celebrate ? We went away for a 5 night break the day after and found flowers and chocolates from one daughter when we arrived - so it wasn't all a lost cause.

As Maggie says . I would just celebrate your Husbands birthday and Ruby wedding on a day when they can all be there . They should be free to accept this invitation to go away for Christmas without being made to feel guilty . You are all grown ups after all .