Should we be more selfish?

Please, whilst you have each other and are fit enough, take that holiday, make it the most indulgent wonderful holiday you can. If you have spare money spend it on yourself. I always put family before myself, bought them the nice things and holidays, helped with deposit on houses etc. Wish my late husband and myself had put ourselves first, on my own now, my children, they have far more than I could ever dream of and have what they want. Do it.

We had a weekend away for our 40th and and have booked another for H's 70th birthday next year. D and partner wouldn't have appreciated what it cost us for a big family meal and we don't have enough family and friends for a party.
I'd far rather spend our money on us not selfish at all Emelle

I would entirely endorse that - because of my OH's PD our ability to go out and enjoy ourselves together has gone down the pan completely. Do it while you can - you do not know what is around the corner.

That way, both you and your family will be having a good time in your own different ways. Just enjoy!

Treat yourselves while you can like others have said you don't know what's round the corner . Enjoy

Emelle your Daughter is living her own life and so she should as she is a grown up, you too are a grown up and should be living your own life no watching it pass by in case your adult child needs a few pounds. It is not your job to pay for a grown woman and her family. She obviously isnt interested in being with you for your Ruby wedding Anniversary or your Husbands birthday so let her get on with it and lead your own life.

You can of course celebrate your Ruby Anniversary as you wish, just don't do it in the spirit of redress as it were. Your family have had an offer they would like to take up, and indeed have done so, so that leaves you free to 'do your own thing' too, on this occasion.

But take each situation as it arises and don't burn your boats by striking out independently and spending the kids inheritance just because!

Enjoy your me/us time AND enjoy the closeness you obviously have with your family too. They are not mutually exclusive but neither are you all joined at the hip.

We always celebrate family occasions with a get-together and I'm pretty certain we all enjoy it (nobody's complained yet, anyway ). It doesn't have to be on the day itself though, does it? Some of ours are weeks either side of the date, just so that we can all make it. I certainly wouldn't hold it against any of my lot if they had other plans on a particular date - we all have busy lives. Why not just do whatever you want with your OH on the date itself and celebrate with them when you all get back?

I would definitely go away for a short break, we often pick up special weekend offers, it's lovely to have a little change of scenery. We had a weekend away for our 40th, at a lovely country hotel, all paid for by DS and DD even our meals and wine. Maybe if we're lucky they'll do it again for our 50th in a couple of years

As Maggie says . I would just celebrate your Husbands birthday and Ruby wedding on a day when they can all be there . They should be free to accept this invitation to go away for Christmas without being made to feel guilty . You are all grown ups after all .

I understand totally where you're coming from in feeling a little 'put out' Emelle except I would say I was a little hurt.

Not because they had accepted the trip away or even that it was over two family events but more because they didn't suggest an alternative date .

We celebrated our 40th last year and despite having what I think is a close family, neither daughter thought it was important enough to visit ( we all live within 10 miles) or mark it in any way on the day.

Grampy and I thought it an achievement to have made it that far but it did feel like they didn't think it worthy of mention.

Maybe mention to your DD that they'll miss this milestone and suggest an alternative date when you can get together to celebrate ? We went away for a 5 night break the day after and found flowers and chocolates from one daughter when we arrived - so it wasn't all a lost cause.

I'm 70 tomorrow horror!! DD2 had planned a party for me (yesterday) and the whole family would have been there.

Unfortunately, due to DH's sudden and unexpected health problems we reluctantly told her we would not dare risk the three hour trip and a weekend away until he's much better. Naturally I'm disappointed but his health must come first.

Re-scheduling might be tricky because of all their other commitments but what will be will be. As Luckygirl says, you don't know what's around the corner.

We had a weekend away for our Ruby Wedding and didn't feel at all guilty. We also went away for DH's 70th because it was straight after Christmas which is not a good time for family celebrations as everyone's had enough!

You have to do what feels right for you but if it were me I'd go for that holiday.

Thank you for the lovely replies and support - it is helping so much. NanaandGrampy - you have summed it up better than I could -yes I am a little hurt especially as I don't think DD daughter has even realised the significance of the dates so hasn't considered suggesting we arrange something on an alternative date.
Now where's that travel brochure?

We have spent all three of our "special" anniversaries on a push the boat out for two. Like Nina we're perpetually short on numbers for a knees up, and don't enjoy them anyway, so we do what suits us best. The children have come to expect that. For our fiftieth, it would have proved almost impossible to get DD and DS and all their significants together on the day anyway, so we had arranged a family week away during the school holidays (it wasn't an outstanding success and frankly I wish we hadn't done it). But on the day itself the two of us were being superbly looked after at a lovely hotel in Norfolk. I'm with merlot; do what feels right for you, and don't stress about it.

Don't scrimp, spend on yourselves and have fun. You can't take money to the grave!

I agree. Look after yourselves and enjoy yourselves. Our offspring have never shown the slightest interest in spending our birthdays/anniversaries/Christmas with us or their celebrations either. They buy us nice gifts but would rather be with their friends, so we do the same!

We have an anniversary and both birthdays in July we've decided to have a family picnic in a park with everyone contributing to the refreshments everyone loves the idea.

I don't think our offspring have any idea when our anniversary is!

Many Happy Returns of the Day Merlot. ? I hope your DH is soon fit enough for you to celebrate properly.

May I add my good wishes too, Merlot. A very happy special birthday to you ??.

I don't understand why you think its selfish to have a holiday with your husband especially as your family are not going to be around.

Happy medium is always best, yes spend time with your family but also allow yourself a nice holiday with your husband

I'm a bit confused about the bank of mum n dad thing because you haven't mentioned giving your family any money??

"I'm a bit confused about the bank of mum n dad thing because you haven't mentioned giving your family any money??"
Yes - that is confusing. I think that was due to poor editing and meant to say that we have given significant financial help in the past so was thinking it was time to spend our savings on us rather than having money available to help the family.

Yes definitely spend money on yourselves, also nice to help the family though, so as said, happy medium, do both.

My Nan had a saying "everything has its importance"

Hope you do go on that nice holiday with your husband and hope you really enjoy it. Sounds like you have been a caring loving and giving parent and can not think of anyone more deserving of a lovely holiday than a loving parent

I am coming very rapidly to my 80th , my D will come when she can, several weeks after the date, my S probably doesn't realise. My ex DiL will do more than anyone else.
I have accepted this for years, my H being totally undemonstrative. I have always done things for everyone else and for myself, this year I CBA even if it is probably the last significant birthday I will have.
I urge you all to please yourselves and spend all on yourself and what YOU want to do. I wish I had done.

If you have always celebrated family events and anniversaries together then it is a shock to realise they mean more to you than to your children.

Many families do not celebrate these events on a family scale so a decision like this would pass unnoticed.

It all depends on your family's expectations.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, Nfk and Greyduster. We'll have a quiet day with DD1 and DGS but it will be lovely to be at home with no travel to worry about/dogs in kennels etc.

Always a silver lining.