Niece spotted with someone else

Tough if you stir up family trouble, why should a young man go through with a wedding if his fiancee is cheating ? Tell the Neice that she has been seen twice and that she should do the right thing before her fiance finds hurt.

Its a tricky one. You actually haven't witness this yourself and therefore I would be very careful. You obviously trust the member of family that have told you but, they could have read it wrong, some of the comments above are right about having friends of the opposite sex, but as you suspect in this case it probably not the case. Once you have spoken about this it will open up a can of worms, and families will fall out that is one thing that will happen, and some wont thank you for spilling the beans. I would stay well out of it.

You haven't actually seen anything. Could the close family member be trying to stir up trouble? Did she tell you so that you would say something but she wouldn't "get the blame"? Please stay out of it, but I think you've decided that already.

Dont go there!

I've been single (widowed) for nine years and live in a fairly small community. I'm a member of a pub quiz team but my next-door-neighbours don't quiz. At our quiz Christmas dinner I was sat opposite another member of our team who happens to be a man. He helped me to pull my Christmas cracker. That was, apparently, more than enough for the village gossips. My neighbour's husband returned home from the pub a few nights later and told her, "Liz has a fancy man!" (Yes, those really were his words!) My friend lost no time in informing me I had a boyfriend (it was news to me but I wasn't offended!)

So, seeing someone together with someone else (even in a group at a group event) makes people jump to outrageous conclusions and they may well be way off the mark. Don't touch your niece's situation with a bargepole!

Iam that woman that was seen with another guy whom I was having an affair with by my inlaws, how sensible were they to keep stumm. It all fizzled out and Iam still with the husband happily 40 years on.Keep quiet I say it pays for all concerned

A close family member has told me that my niece (who has a fiance) has been spotted on two separate occasions with another man.

Last time I looked, having a fiancee means you're still not married! Technically, your niece is still single and she's also an adult. It's her own business (and no one else's) who she walks with or even holds hands with.

blue60, you also haven't witnessed any of this firsthand, so more the reason to hold your tongue. This is all hearsay or what some people call 'mischievous gossip'! Don't allow anyone (even close family members) to drag you into the middle of this and cause trouble when there isn't any.

Thanks all for your messages - I didn't see her myself. I was asked a question whether my niece was still with her fiance, I said that as far as I knew she was, which then led to the conversation.

The description given was the opposite of her fiance (she has no brother btw) so I was a bit taken aback.

I think you're right quizqueen- it's up to the person who bumped into her to ask the question, but I don't think that will happen as that person doesn't want to be seen as the one to blame.

No, I'm staying well away - my family is awkward enough and it would cause a family row.

Thank you all for taking the time to put forward your views.

Hi Blue - glad you've decided to say nothing but thought I would tell you a story from many years ago.

I was about 17, working in London & my BF was away at university. I'd known her and her family since I was 7 and used to spend a lot of time at their house. I passed their house on my walk home and would occasionally call in to say hello to my BF's parents.

Sorry this is long; I'm setting the scene. Anyway a few times I called in the mum would be in the front room chatting to a tall handsome chap and the dad would be watching TV in the back room. I thought it was a but odd ..... But of course these 40 something parents were old & past it in my eyes so I told myself "no, not Mrs D .... Way too old blah blah"

Moving on. These people didn't have a house phone and would use the phone box to call family etc .... Reaching the crescendo now! So one evening as I'm on the bus waiting for it to stop, I saw Mrs D literally running up the road into the arms of the chap! My mouth literally dropped open

It was the most romantic scene straight out of Brief Encounter ..... Which I saw several more times over the next few months.

I said nothing to my BF !!!! How could I ??? I vaguely recall some gossip in the area and the chap was never seen by me again.

In my 30s Mrs D came to work for us and we became close again. She was with us for about 25+ years. She was still happily married and Mr D also helped out occasionally with our business. She was devastated when he died .... Sadly she passed away a few years ago.

Her secret liaisons were never discussed between her and I though I admit I would occasionally giggle to myself.

Just think! If I had spilt the beans this lovely couple's life may have taken a different turn.

So I'm with the 'say nothings' on this one. It's always the messenger who gets shot!

Say nothing it's up to her
It's her life ??

and if it does all go pear shaped don't say anything either !

No, no no. Don't speak at all to anybody about this. If you were mistaken the fallout would be horrendous. If you weren't mistaken it will come to a head by itself. Keep out.

Think it's best to keep quiet, you could stir up all sorts of family trouble. If you were to see her yourself face to face, then that's a different matter. It could be that she has changed her mind about getting married and is waiting for the right time to finish her relationship

I can imagine your concern but this is hearsay.
Depending on how close you are to your niece, and feel you can mention this to her,then keep out.

We visited a country pub one lunchtime and walking into a small room happened upon my daughter's best (married) friend snuggled to a chap, not her husband. They were sitting on top of each other and she was giggling and flirting away. Her face, when she turned and saw us (we hadn't a chance to leave before she saw us) was a picture of guilt, shame and 'crickey!'.

We didn't say anything to her or our daughter but on the couple of occasions we have met this friend and her husband since this episode, it has proved to be a sticky time.

I would not say anything as it is just possible that behaviour can be misconstrued. On the other hand, you would want the best interests of your niece and her future happiness. If you had yourself seen her behaving 'inappropriately' with another man and are absolutely sure of your facts and you are close to her, you could possibly have a gentle word. You could ask her if she is sure of her wedding plans as it is in her best interests not to go through with a marriage she is not sure about.

Blame does not come int the equation only the possibility of unhappy people but to reach this stage you would have to be absolutely sure of her behaviour and obviously take the risk that she would be upset and angry at you for broaching the subject.

My daughter has been best friends with a man since she was 18. She's happily married. At first her husband didn't like the friendship but now he accepts they are friends and nothing more. I wouldn't get involved in speaking to your niece about what was seen. It may open up a can of worms and you don't want to be held responsible.

Two sightings with a man is hardly conclusive. From your OP it appears it wasn't even you who saw her, so this could just be gossip or a misunderstanding. I would say nothing.

Really it's up to the person who has seen these events to say something not you, through hearsay. Perhaps he/she could mention what they have seen to your niece and that, if she has got anything to confess to her fiancé, she should consider doing it soon before anyone else catches her out and leave at that for now and see what she does herself.

It might be her brother.

Yes Yes Yes defiantly say something. I was the one who got left for another woman and when I found out afterwards all my friends knew I lost my trust completely. Unless you have walked in those shoes you will never know how devasting it is.

I agree, I would risk telling a child of my own but more distant relations and friends............never.

Fairydoll2030 that must have been awful for your son and heartbreaking for you. I think if it were me, I'd quietly say to your niece that there were rumours going round about her being seen with another man and ask her if she was having second thoughts about getting married. I expect that if she is playing away, she probably is having doubts but probably feels she can't tell anyone. You could be the catalyst for her not making the biggest mistake of her life so far and I am making the assumption that you are close enough to her to have an in depth conversation. You don't have to even mention that she has been seen with someone if you don't want to, you could just talk to her about marriage being for life and tell her that you will always be there for her if she finds that she wants to go in a different direction.

It's hard to keep quiet. I know from experience! Quite by accident I found out just a few months after my son's wedding that his wife had been making plans to hopefully leave him, and set up home with someone else, even as she was living with him and making wedding preparations! The other guy was a married father and he bailed out, so she went ahead and married my son - then left him less than a year later for someone else (which also ended in disaster.) I didn't mention what I knew until they split. They lived in a house my son had purchased before he met her but she tried to force the sale of it. If he hadn't employed a good negotiating divorce barrister he could have lost everything. A rotten bloody experience to go through.

What if I had known what she was up to before the marriage? A terrible dilemma. In those circumstances I may well have risked telling my son.

I worked with someone who was having an affair with her boss - it started before the wedding but she still went through with it and carried on for months until her husband found out. I don't know what she was thinking - she blithely showed everyone the wedding photos and pretended everything was hunky dory through the whole office knew what was going on. None of us knew the fiancé so no-one said a word. Still feel a bit guilty 10 years on. In this case I think you need a lot more evidence before stirring things. Stay well clear!

Don't even think about it! Whether it's an innocent friendship or not it will all rebound on you. Just be around to pick up the pieces if necessary.