Feeling used by son and his partner who live with us

I recall when we let our flats out, that the buy-to-let mortgagor made the first set of tenants who moved in sign a waiver that any guests, even temporary ones, could not stay in the flat IF there was a repossession by the mortgagor. The tenant rental leases provided for termination/eviction of tenants for that reason, among others, but the 'hangers-on' waiver agreeing to vacate was a new one for me.

Perhaps you could start looking for a property for yourselves. Tell them about it and discuss getting an estate agent in for a valuation. Then ask politely when they are likely to move out and say it really must be by September 1st or whatever at the latest and get DH to back you up. Try and keep it friendly as you don't want a fallout. Let us know how you get on. Good luck!

Exactly Ana! It was easy for me - my son would do anything for a cheese & pickle sandwich!

MiniMouse, that aspect had crossed my mind too. What would happen if they just dug their heels in and refused to move out?

Well said Lorelei.

I would be quite annoyed to find out they are going to Portugal on holiday and Indonesia next. They should be putting the cost of these holidays towards a rental deposit and monthly rental on a place of their own, not having a good time at your expense. I would call the estate agent this week if only for a pre- sale valuation prior to the For Sale board going up. Tell them that the time is right for your house move and this means it's time for them to start finding their own place now. You have put your plans on hold for long enough now.....it's time to put yourselves first.

Seems so unfair when you have done all this for them .....you could do all the above (give them a date for moving) put for sale sign up.....erc ! You could also get an Estate Agent or two round (if you haven't already) to value the house ....make sure your S and his girlfriend are in when they come ...explain in front of agent your S will be gone and the room re decorated when you get some viewings ..oh, and casually mention they are looking for accommodation .....most agents nowadays also have rental accommodation on their books so he.she will have a good idea of deposit, montly rent, outgoings, etc .......and get your S to make an apt there and then !

I have two or three friends who have similar problems with their sons ...only one who has a problem with her daughter ! One friend, who had sold her house and bought a retirement apartment, was asked by her son to help him buy a house in London (and you know how expensive that is !) ...she gave him a lot of money ,,and told the younger son he would have the same when he found a house. Older then asked for more money to fit new ch and windows ....sensibly she said Ask your father (divorced years ago but he was a surgeon and had two houses !( ,,,2nd son then asked for his share, Refused because he would have squandered it, so money still in bank only for buying a property).....she sent him a small cheque on his birthday ..some months ago and hasn't heard from him since ! It is so difficult with grown up children nowadays ! Like a lot of you on here, neither I not my husband had any help whatever from our parents and would never have asked (not that they had anything to give anyway !) now it seems the norm sadly ! Best of luck ! ...ps you could tell him that if he stays there and the time comes when you need care the house will be taken by the Council in any case (whether it would or no !)

Well said Jinty44.

That's all there is to it really.

I know someone on here will correct me if I'm wrong about this!

I seem to remember that, when I wanted to sell my previous house, I had to ask my son (over 18, still living at home) to sign a waiver/legal document stating that he would move out of the house once it was sold. He was not named on the Deeds and was not a joint owner or paying lodger or anything, he just lived there.

It might be worth checking where you'd stand if you just went ahead and put the house on the market.

Good luck!

I think all four of you should sit down and discuss the two moves before they go away, you could say you want to get the room decorated while they are away and will be seeing a local agent and the house will be on the market then, so when they come back you would like them to have made a plan and be ready to go. I know if it comes to a sale and they are still in the house they will have to sign a form foregoing their right to be there to enable you to move. Good luck with it all

Buy local papers, fold it open at the house rental page. Hand it to him

I agree with the majority of people that have responded to your post - you need to be very assertive with them and give them a date, soon, to be gone by. Do not fall for emotional blackmail. Just tell them in no uncertain terms that you need them out to prepare the property for sale so that you will get the best price you can in order to move to a property that suits you. Be clear they are not welcome to move with you. Having extra house guests when trying to conduct viewings with potential buyers could be inconvenient at best, a nightmare at worst. What if they are secretly sabotaging potential sales to put their own interests first?

If this is still too subtle for them, tell them that at age 27 he should be more independent and needs to stop acting like a dependent child - he shouldn't need 'babying' as such. If needs be, point out that holidays etc are things people have if they have finances left after paying rent/mortgages and other household/living expenses. Maybe offer to help them budget if they want to tell you how much money they have coming in between them - look mortified and tell them to buck their ideas up - I'd wager they won't want you to know exactly how much they earn, as then you would know how little they have contributed and how much they spend on enjoying themselves whilst freeloading from you and, from the sound of it, expecting free rent and board with chef, chambermaid and waitress services thrown in. It's not on. They need to grow up, and you need to be able to get your home and life back for yourselves. Be ready with positive comebacks for any excuses they try - keep repeating how life can be hard, can be a financial struggle etc - that's the way of the world and they need to pay for their own way in it! Look up storage costs - tell Lucy how much it will cost her to store her crap as you will no longer be storing it for free and having it taking over space in your home - de-clutter, box her crap up if you have to, but better she does it herself, like an adult. She may realise she'd be better off paying rent, on her own rental property, than on-going storage fees! Cut the apron strings or your son will never grow up - you have already gone above and beyond to help them and should be enjoying retirement years, not still parenting a 27-year-old and his partner as if they were schoolchildren.

If that all fails, tell them to fuck off, stop taking the piss, and get back in touch when they have learned to be reasonable adults. Do not back down or the cheeky buggers will be there, freeloading forever.

Hope you have a nice holiday. Good luck with your house-hunting and I hope you don't allow them to prevent you getting the house/cottage you want this time.

Yes, you must give them a definite date to find somewhere, to declutter, and a deadline by which they will move but be firm and stick to this.
If they are still procrastinating after that then you will have to be much firmer and start boxing up their stuff.

Wow, can't believe how many would change the locks and take a hardline approach before the couple have been given a date by which to leave. This is family we are talking about, not a lodger and I wouldn't treat the latter like without really good reason.

I've been in this position and we were very open about this with our son. We looked for suitable properties with them and went to look at them. We framed the whole thing as being the best thing for them but in your position you have the sale of the house to use as your reason. As for the room needing decorating, the price would be a negligible drop for one room being less than perfect. Most people are looking to make sure they don't need to do the bigger stuff like kitchens and bathrooms.

phoenix I would have changed the locks but it would not occur to me to put their goods in storage. That would waken up their ideas.

You have to be assertive or they will take over the house before you know it.

They are sponging on you. they will stay and hope you will give up.

Do as people on this thread have said put the house up for sale. The agent will advise you about how much stuff on view is OK. Tell them that you will be having a declutter and any item they leave out in your living area etc. will go. Also that their bedroom must be immaculate.

You might like to check out with the Citizens Advice on your rights and hopefully you will not have to take legal action to get them to move.

Use their holidays to help you.

As theoddbird says, make that the deadline and if they haven't moved by then (preferably the first holiday) get their stuff in storage and change the locks.

Or keep being a doormat. Your choice.

"We ask when they are leaving, They say when you ask us."
Well that's pretty clear then, isn't it? Give them their marching orders!

For example - 'We're putting the house on the market in August, you need to be out by July 15th so that we can get the house into sellable shape. So you need to start looking for rental accommodation TODAY. Get somewhere to move to set up, because July 15th is an absolute. If you haven't found somewhere by then, you'll have to put Lucy's your stuff into storage and B&B it.'

I am concerned by how much of a doormat you and your husband have been.
You posted "I think once the holiday is over hubby will have to say something as well." That told me two things. 1. Your husband has said NOTHING to them to date. 2. You're still procrastinating - you THINK, not you WILL. Oh, and 3. you're waiting for their feckin' holiday to be over to make it more convenient to THEM.

No more pussy footing. Ultimatum time. Tell them that while they are away you are going to clear their room and get it decorated ready for the sale. Tell them that the house is going on the market and on their return they will have to look for somewhere else to live.

Should something they want turn up I doubt theywould be as considerate to you. Give them a months notice and get on with your life. Moving doesn't get any easier as we get older and perfect cottages don't come up often.

When our DS finished his PGCE and returned to our local area where he'd got his first teaching job he of course needed to stay with us.

I told Mr. S. to bring his clothes and him of course to our home but to take his tv, games consoles etc to our business premises until he'd found his own place to rent.

Mr. S. wasuntil I pointed out that if he got too settled back home he'd never leave. Love him to bits but bless him he never was the easiest person to live with so I got the local paper, found the lettings sections and sat down with him to find him a flat. We paid the deposit (we never got it back) and helped him out with furniture etc. He lived there eventually with his lovely wife until they went to Aus.

I agree with the other posters jimmy. When you get back from your holiday get the ball rolling, get your house valued, start looking for your new home and give them a date to move out.

Hope it goes OK and you'll come back later to let us know how you got on.

Someone dear to me had this situation years ago - in the days when young people didn't share a bedroom in their mother's home! Young girlfriend moved in, slept in the front room (refused to sleep in the back room), curtains drawn until 11 am because she wouldn't get up, wouldn't eat this, that or the other, left a mess everywhere, used all the hot water until the young man's mother was at the end of her tether. Then the young couple got married and did find a place of their own but it only lasted a few months.
Then he found a lovely lady and they have been together for over 30 years.

Be firm as other posters have said - and the realities of life may mean the romance will not last anyway.

So ask then! Don't be a doormat or you will be traeted as one. They are both working and can afford hilidays abroad so they can certainly afford to move out and live on their own.

Once again, this post provides quite detailed information which means that people might be able to be identified. Remember that this is a public forum and the info could be posted on the GN Facebook page (plus other places), or found on Google.

We had a young nephew staying with us and when he overstayed his welcome, I sat him down and over a cup of tea described the situation to him (with everything about the arrangement slanted in his favour) and how it didn't seem right to me. In fact I said that "something is wrong with that picture". I ended the conversation by telling him how much rent he would be paying as from the next month. Needless to say, he decided that as he was now having to pay rent, he'd rather be in a house share with other young people than paying his old uncle and auntie rent, and he moved out. Result!

Good luck.

Give them a date that you expect them to move out by and stick to it. Do it in writing so that you have a record should you need it.