Feeling used by son and his partner who live with us

You know you're going to have to lay it on the line, and it may not go down well.
Maybe set a definite date for them to move out by? Even if its a long way in advance, it'll give you something to look forward to!

Time for a for sale notice to be in the garden when she comes home from work! Seriously do they pay for their keep in a realistic way? I doesn't sound like it if they can afford to pay for several expensive holidays. Maybe have a real discussion about money and explain you want to downsize whilst you're still well enou.gh to benefit from it. I don't know how old she is but at your sons age I'd been completely, independent financially for 8 years. Time to think of yourselves

Sorry to sound unsympathetic but why on earth are you going on holiday with them when they are already driving you mad? And why on earth did you miss out on a house you really wanted just because they are living with you at the moment. Put your house on the market, start looking for a place for just the 2 of you and tell them you plan to move as soon as possible and they have to find a place of their own.
Would a bit more of the silent treatment be any worse than what you are experiencing on a daily basis?

If a sensible conversation isn't possible, then wait until they go on holiday to Portugal, find a local storage company, put all their stuff there and change the locks!

eddiecat78 The holiday was booked a good while ago before things got like this. The room they use needs a lot of decorating and would reduce the price if not done. We need to get someone in to do it.

Ive just told Lucy we will be taking about it when we've had the holiday. She seems more receptive. I think once the holiday is over hubby will have to say something as well.

Give them their marching orders and get advice from the Citizen's Advice Bureau (CAB) about what you should do if they don't go.

Better still, do what Phoenix suggests.

Simply tell them ( sweetly) that much as you love them you will be putting the house up for sale, so would they please look for somewhere to rent.
You have done your parenting, time for them to grow up and move out.

I think you need to speak to them after your holiday and set out a firm date by which they must have sorted out alternative accommodation. Point out that it was only meant to be a temporary arrangement and now you wish to sell the property.

It is time for them to fend for themselves - if they can afford holidays in Portugal and Indonesia they can afford to pay a proper rent. It also isn't fair that your other son struggles on without asking for help while two people who appear to be financially able are expecting you to subsidise their living expenses.

I m with everyone else on this but I do appreciate how hard it is to turn your own child out it's so easy on paper but when love and nurturing comes into it not as easy as it sounds but I think you and your husband should stand on this together

You have answered your own question actually as you say when you asked when they were moving they said when you ask us so there's your answer I think they need a date or else they will just plod on

Have your holiday then have a united front ( you and husband together) give them a date to be off and stick to it put the house up for sale and enjoy your retirement x

Agree with others, but know it isn't easy, try to sort it out because it is not going to get better.

Give them a date that you expect them to move out by and stick to it. Do it in writing so that you have a record should you need it.

Once again, this post provides quite detailed information which means that people might be able to be identified. Remember that this is a public forum and the info could be posted on the GN Facebook page (plus other places), or found on Google.

We had a young nephew staying with us and when he overstayed his welcome, I sat him down and over a cup of tea described the situation to him (with everything about the arrangement slanted in his favour) and how it didn't seem right to me. In fact I said that "something is wrong with that picture". I ended the conversation by telling him how much rent he would be paying as from the next month. Needless to say, he decided that as he was now having to pay rent, he'd rather be in a house share with other young people than paying his old uncle and auntie rent, and he moved out. Result!

Good luck.

So ask then! Don't be a doormat or you will be traeted as one. They are both working and can afford hilidays abroad so they can certainly afford to move out and live on their own.

Someone dear to me had this situation years ago - in the days when young people didn't share a bedroom in their mother's home! Young girlfriend moved in, slept in the front room (refused to sleep in the back room), curtains drawn until 11 am because she wouldn't get up, wouldn't eat this, that or the other, left a mess everywhere, used all the hot water until the young man's mother was at the end of her tether. Then the young couple got married and did find a place of their own but it only lasted a few months.
Then he found a lovely lady and they have been together for over 30 years.

Be firm as other posters have said - and the realities of life may mean the romance will not last anyway.

When our DS finished his PGCE and returned to our local area where he'd got his first teaching job he of course needed to stay with us.

I told Mr. S. to bring his clothes and him of course to our home but to take his tv, games consoles etc to our business premises until he'd found his own place to rent.

Mr. S. wasuntil I pointed out that if he got too settled back home he'd never leave. Love him to bits but bless him he never was the easiest person to live with so I got the local paper, found the lettings sections and sat down with him to find him a flat. We paid the deposit (we never got it back) and helped him out with furniture etc. He lived there eventually with his lovely wife until they went to Aus.

I agree with the other posters jimmy. When you get back from your holiday get the ball rolling, get your house valued, start looking for your new home and give them a date to move out.

Hope it goes OK and you'll come back later to let us know how you got on.

Should something they want turn up I doubt theywould be as considerate to you. Give them a months notice and get on with your life. Moving doesn't get any easier as we get older and perfect cottages don't come up often.

No more pussy footing. Ultimatum time. Tell them that while they are away you are going to clear their room and get it decorated ready for the sale. Tell them that the house is going on the market and on their return they will have to look for somewhere else to live.

"We ask when they are leaving, They say when you ask us."
Well that's pretty clear then, isn't it? Give them their marching orders!

For example - 'We're putting the house on the market in August, you need to be out by July 15th so that we can get the house into sellable shape. So you need to start looking for rental accommodation TODAY. Get somewhere to move to set up, because July 15th is an absolute. If you haven't found somewhere by then, you'll have to put Lucy's your stuff into storage and B&B it.'

I am concerned by how much of a doormat you and your husband have been.
You posted "I think once the holiday is over hubby will have to say something as well." That told me two things. 1. Your husband has said NOTHING to them to date. 2. You're still procrastinating - you THINK, not you WILL. Oh, and 3. you're waiting for their feckin' holiday to be over to make it more convenient to THEM.

Use their holidays to help you.

As theoddbird says, make that the deadline and if they haven't moved by then (preferably the first holiday) get their stuff in storage and change the locks.

Or keep being a doormat. Your choice.

They are sponging on you. they will stay and hope you will give up.

Do as people on this thread have said put the house up for sale. The agent will advise you about how much stuff on view is OK. Tell them that you will be having a declutter and any item they leave out in your living area etc. will go. Also that their bedroom must be immaculate.

You might like to check out with the Citizens Advice on your rights and hopefully you will not have to take legal action to get them to move.

phoenix I would have changed the locks but it would not occur to me to put their goods in storage. That would waken up their ideas.

You have to be assertive or they will take over the house before you know it.

Wow, can't believe how many would change the locks and take a hardline approach before the couple have been given a date by which to leave. This is family we are talking about, not a lodger and I wouldn't treat the latter like without really good reason.

I've been in this position and we were very open about this with our son. We looked for suitable properties with them and went to look at them. We framed the whole thing as being the best thing for them but in your position you have the sale of the house to use as your reason. As for the room needing decorating, the price would be a negligible drop for one room being less than perfect. Most people are looking to make sure they don't need to do the bigger stuff like kitchens and bathrooms.

Yes, you must give them a definite date to find somewhere, to declutter, and a deadline by which they will move but be firm and stick to this.
If they are still procrastinating after that then you will have to be much firmer and start boxing up their stuff.

I agree with the majority of people that have responded to your post - you need to be very assertive with them and give them a date, soon, to be gone by. Do not fall for emotional blackmail. Just tell them in no uncertain terms that you need them out to prepare the property for sale so that you will get the best price you can in order to move to a property that suits you. Be clear they are not welcome to move with you. Having extra house guests when trying to conduct viewings with potential buyers could be inconvenient at best, a nightmare at worst. What if they are secretly sabotaging potential sales to put their own interests first?

If this is still too subtle for them, tell them that at age 27 he should be more independent and needs to stop acting like a dependent child - he shouldn't need 'babying' as such. If needs be, point out that holidays etc are things people have if they have finances left after paying rent/mortgages and other household/living expenses. Maybe offer to help them budget if they want to tell you how much money they have coming in between them - look mortified and tell them to buck their ideas up - I'd wager they won't want you to know exactly how much they earn, as then you would know how little they have contributed and how much they spend on enjoying themselves whilst freeloading from you and, from the sound of it, expecting free rent and board with chef, chambermaid and waitress services thrown in. It's not on. They need to grow up, and you need to be able to get your home and life back for yourselves. Be ready with positive comebacks for any excuses they try - keep repeating how life can be hard, can be a financial struggle etc - that's the way of the world and they need to pay for their own way in it! Look up storage costs - tell Lucy how much it will cost her to store her crap as you will no longer be storing it for free and having it taking over space in your home - de-clutter, box her crap up if you have to, but better she does it herself, like an adult. She may realise she'd be better off paying rent, on her own rental property, than on-going storage fees! Cut the apron strings or your son will never grow up - you have already gone above and beyond to help them and should be enjoying retirement years, not still parenting a 27-year-old and his partner as if they were schoolchildren.

If that all fails, tell them to fuck off, stop taking the piss, and get back in touch when they have learned to be reasonable adults. Do not back down or the cheeky buggers will be there, freeloading forever.

Hope you have a nice holiday. Good luck with your house-hunting and I hope you don't allow them to prevent you getting the house/cottage you want this time.