Feeling used by son and his partner who live with us

Reported old Franka go away we don't need your spells

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How is this going Jimmy?

IMP they are not paying rent - they are paying dig money as the son of the household. They have no rights, and at 27 you have no responsibilities towards him.

JimmyRFU this looks like it's not going to end well. If they are paying rent then they would have a rent book and a tenancy agreement. I'm assuming no such arrangement exists. Then it's simply a case of an adult child living at home and giving their parents some money as a goodwill gesture toward their keep. I'd be instructing an estate agent and telling your son and his girlfriend the house is going on the market on x date. Yes you may loose a little as one room needs a revamp but surely it would be worth taking this hit to get the house sold and to move into a smaller house on your own. Your son can't exactly force you to not sell the house.

Yes, what did hubby say? Did you and he come to any decisions about what to do?

Hope you're ok, Jimmy?
And that last nights conversation had a satisfactory conclusion.

Wow. So they weren't being honest when they said they would move out when you asked. And, in fact, they intend to give you a hard time about it.

While I'm glad to hear that they've been paying rent, well, idk, but I don't think it means they are entitled to stay there forever. Landlords do evict people, and not just for failure to pay rent. And you have a right to sell your home. When you do, what do they expect? Do they think the new owners will be willing to "inherit" them?

Unfortunately, I agree with pps, you need to seek legal counsel. You may also have to take legal steps to get them out. Sorry to say, it will probably cause a rift between you for a while - maybe even a long while. But if it's the only way you and dh can get your life back, then the risk is worth it, imo.

It says online that they will count as lodgers not tenants. You can ask them to move out with 28 days notice. They don't have any right to stay. I typed in "lodgers rights". What a horrible situation, but at least you have no illusions now about how they regard you and don't have to feel bad about getting them out.

While I loathe to agree with you idiot son you need to seek legal advice asap.
As if they have been paying rent you Amy have to formally give them notice.
I'm not sure I'm not an expert.
I think you'd have to give them 3 months notice.
But I would defiantly Tell them that that is what you plan to do.
I'm sorry you've been taken advantage of like this.

If your son and gf are acting in this bullying way, don't try to get anywhere with it until you have checked out your legal position.
Then you'll know the best way to approach it.

jimmy I suggest you seek advice, as soon as you can. I'm not sure where you live but the CAB is a good starting point or ask a local solicitor if this type of issue qualifies for a free initial meeting. Check your home insurance, we have legal cover included which would cover this situation. These are threats which sadly could be founded in fact. Please do take this seriously, you need to protect yourselves. Try to keep calm with your son and his partner but seek some informed advice asap. Wishing you well. Please let us know how this works out.

This has taken an ugly turn, hope you get it sorted x

Good Luck Jimmy. What an unpleasant situation. I hope it all gets resolved quickly to YOUR satisfaction.

jimmyRFU - Wow!
Is that what they actually said to you? I hope your husband is able to handle the situation when he gets hone.
That is aggressive and bullying behavior from your son and GF.
Plus you can spend your money any way you wish.....no matter if DS gave it to you for rent.

Hubby and I are supposed to be sitting down and discussing them moving out tonight. He is at work, should be on his way home. I've tried to talk to them but son DS says what do we pay rent for? what do you use it for? You have no right to ask us to leave. Apparently his GF who lives here has rights because she pays towards the bills. I'm beginning to think they will never leave and I want my space back. Waiting for hubby to come home.

Four days on - I wonder whether the OP is going to come back?

until they get their own place and she would do washing, clean the bedroom, cook. I do everything. She cant do chores as she works full time

I agree with Starlady - it's time you showed your DS what a washing machine, vacuum cleaner and oven are for.

And when you saying she is 'planning' and 'buying stuff' - is this in preparation for them getting their own place - that sounds hopeful.
Your DS sounds as if he is quite happy with the status quo, perhaps he if he's not good at household chores he could be be handed a paintbrush and paint and get on with some re-decorating, starting with their room?

Sold my house cheaper in desperation to my son and partner and moved away myself. Seems to me the more you help them the more they use and abuse you sadly
Good luck. Be firm

I agree with the idea of beginning to prepare for a sale now and let them know the room will be redone when they're away, etc. They said they'd move out "when you ask," so go to it. They may get angry for a few days - or more - but they will have to move out. In the end, imo, it will be better for all of you.

I'm not sure why you're pointing a finger at her, though, for not doing chores. Do you ask any of this of ds? Men can cook and clean just as women can. Maybe if you asked them each to do some of this, she would be more willing?

But no matter. The focus needs to be on getting them out and getting a place just for you and dh. Best of luck!

Oh, jimmyRFU - they may be family (well, one of them is) but they regard you as an M.U.G. First Class, which is a pretty hard truth to swallow when it comes to relatives.

Obviously, on the basis of the old proverb "blood is thicker than water", your son - and his ladyfriend - are taking far too much advantage and apparently expect to carrying on doing so.

I'm with a previous post which advised you to give them their marching order AND consult the C.A.B. as to all the legal angles if they prove stubborn.

The utter truth is that they're a couple of spongers.....letting them take root was a big, big mistake. But then, who expects that their own flesh and blood and co. will turn into shameless freeloaders?

If they are living with jimmyRFU so that they could save a deposit for their own home, they would not be going on expensive holidays to Portugal, Indonesia, plus one other holiday to an unspecified destination. How much will these holidays cost for two plus holiday expenses - well to the north of £5,000, I suspect. Think what a difference that would make to their savings.

I think they are free loading.

My Step-S gave his girlfriend a key to our house without our permission & eventually moved her in, my DH was a pushover very kind person who hated confrontation so nothing was said.

However Step-S did pay a reasonable rent & she did their washing & meals.

Luckily we had a 4 bed, all doubles, house so weren't cramped.

Crunch came when they discovered she was pregnant, quick hunt for a flat, they knew we would not have tolerated a baby in the house

I agree with others, set a deadline, put your house on the market & I wouldn't go to the expense of decorating prior to sale, it makes little difference to house value, most people want to decorate in their own style. Be firm & plan your future just the 2 of you

I must be on my own here then.
I understand that they are going to Portugal and they are then on to Indonesia but and it's a big one!
If they are staying with you at reduced rents isn't that how they can go on such a wonderful trip. And isn't tat how th younger people manage to save and get started ? I have one child left at home (21) and a (30) threatening to come back purely for the 'cheap' rent so can get some serious savings to get on the property ladder because as a single man he has no chance otherwise.
I have no problem sharing my home with my children whatsoever provided of course I/we are respected still. I still consider this 'our ' home as it's the same house they were all brought up in and we haven't felt the need to move on yet.

You need to stop being a walkover and lay down the law. It is your home and they need to find their own place. Stop doing anything that is their responsibility, give them a date for moving out and get on with the rest of your life.

Your son should be doing the chores as well and it's not fair to the girl that you are blaming her for this