Do not want to move

We also have airports! My flight from Newcastle to Bristol, to visit my daughter, is just 50 minutes in the air...

When you say 'far north' where do you mean? We in Northumberland (England's most northern county) sweltered along with the rest of the country last week. My water butt has twice run dry. We are not heathen barbarians, you know! We're quite civilised. We have shopping malls, universities, public transport, ancient monuments, castles, beautiful beaches, the list goes on. ? The west of Scotland has the gulf stream, which brings pleasant weather. The roads in Scotland are better than in England and the scenery is stunning. Just watch out for the wild haggis!

Flamenco...I don,t know what the answer is but you have all my sympathy. I was born and brought up in the north of England , lived for several years in the Midlands before moving to the south coast. I so love it down here as the climate is so much better and for more than 20 years this has become home. However we now need to move to a different type of property to suit our needs. Cost is playing a big factor for us ...but the fact that we may have to think of moving out of an area that we love is depressing. Our families are as far north as Scotland and far south as Devon so all saying come and live near to us is not an option. I understand your dilemma, and as someone else suggested perhaps renting is the way for you. If your home in Spain is a permanent one can you think about having say 9 months there and just renting for around 3 months here....that would not sound so daunting. Good luck with this ,hope it works out well for you in the end.

Has your DH tried to make the idea attractive to you?
Ask him about renting as a way of getting you used to the idea. Or do you really not want to get used to it?

Neither of you should be being 'adamant' about this.

I*m sorry, but WHERE does your DH want to move to? For me the far North is Thurso or perhaps Oban, or Aberdeen.

And why is your hubby adamant that you are moving? He must realize you dislike the idea.

Are you willing to risk divorce over this?

I wasn't when my DH dropped a bombshell two years ago, and now I am very glad I gave his "mad" idea of selling up, buying a motor boat, sailing canals and rivers in Europe for a couple of years and ending up in the opposite end of the country to where we set out from, living in a house and with the boat in the nearest habour for holiday use.

So I really hope you will give the move a try. The thought of Spain worries me too; is Brexit going to make it impossible for you to go on living there part of the year? - I understand why you want to live there, I would too, but can't as we would have to pay income tax both in Spain and here in Denmark, as the Danish government woke up to the fact a few years ago that they were losing too much revenue if OAPs lived in Spain and were only taxed there.

In January, Flamenco had been with partner for eight years, now, in June, been with partner for ten years

Flamenco Are you earth?
You sound like me with a dislike even fear? of being uprooted.This has become more noticeable since I retired.Old age!
I did have a job which involved travel but then this was usually a few days at a time. I was always eager to get 'home'
I enjoy holidays but am never sorry to get back to my 'roots' and the familiar.
I can understand your apprehension of that which will be unfamiliar. This is an issue you and husband need to
seriously consider.

Half way is neither one nor the other. Neither of you are where you want to be half way.

As you get older making friends is not so easy as you will find if you read any of the threads on loneliness.

Making friends when abroad is sometimes easier because there are other expats in the same position looking to make friends.

If you jointly own your home, then just refuse to sign the sale. Obviously your husband is use to "What he says goes" so it will surprise him when you make a stand.

Another option, spend more time in Spain but with the £ beiing so weak that might be difficult plus more than 6 months you might have to be resident.

I'm a southerner and moved north from London with my husband to his hometown in North Yorkshire...11 years ago. I have been fine, but I do still miss my friends and the numerous activities in London. Sometimes I get frustrated because I can't get something as simple as an avocado where I live, unless I drive 14 miles to get it! Its 21 miles to an M&S, hence I visit London frequently so I have the best of both worlds. I could never make a clean break from my home.

If you are really unhappy about moving north and leaving your friends behind and your partner is adamant, could you stay, let your partner live in the north for half the year and live together in Spain for the other half?

It should definately be a joint decision, we moved three years ago, I didnt want to as it is too isolated for me, but I had no choice, I hated it in the beginning, mainly because I had no choice, but I have to admit, I am beginning to get used to things and fortunately I adapt easily, so Flamenco, give it a go,and the North really isnt a bad place to live.

Don't move to Newcastle if you hate the cold , it's nearly always cold. I was born here but hate the weather here. I would move if I didn't have family here, though I do have a daughter in the South who wouldn't move back here. Surely out has to be a joint decision unless you perhaps want out of the relationship. Hope you can resolve things. X

I can't recommending renting enough. We sold our house and rented near to two of our children and their families, just over an hours drive away from our original home but for many reasons it wasn't for us so we relocated back to a nicer part our own area. When we go to visit the family I feel nothing but relief that we didn't make a permanent move to be near them and so glad we had the chance to try before we committed to buying.

I am reluctant to suggest any half way house because you get all the upheaval and none of the solution. It would be a wrench to leave all your friends.....not sure how it would work renting either, one of you has to make huge sacrifices. If you husband refuses to try renting to see how it works for you then you are at an impasse.

Presumably you have friends in Spain maybe you could spend more time there, but as you get old you face the risk of being stranded up north if your husband dies before you with no one you have known for years around to support you.

This is a tough one. I wish you good luck.

I moved halfway between family and friends at one time and it didn't work for me. Both places seemed too far away. They were quite distant - the north-east and south Wales - and I just felt out of place in the middle, betwixt and between. I think it's better to settle on one and be prepared to travel to visit the other.

So he expects you to leave your friends and family to be closer to his? I don't actually think this is fair. I think half way between would be better and much fairer.

If you're moving to a cheaper property area any chance of keeping a small place in the South for you to spend time? It could be a sensible investment if you are financially able to do it and would allow you time with friends

It's probably wetter in the west
although when I moved to the dry south-east it didn't stop raining for three weeks (must have brought it with me).

Anyway, what's wrong with the north? It's not cold and rainy all the time. Beautiful beaches, lovely market towns, lots of history.

It's different if you have to move for work but if you're both retired then why not stay in Spain for 6 months, home to the SE for 6 months - and send him up to stay with his family for 3 of those months?

Peace and quiet for part of the time.

Partners should not be adamant over issues like this.

Why is he so insistent? Is he missing his family and not seeing enough of them?

If your family are in Australia and Manchester perhaps you may be able to see more of them. If you're moving from the SE and property is cheaper in Newcastle then you could release some capital - there must be flights from Newcastle to Spain as you go over there for half the year, and there are definitely flights from Newcastle to Australia via Dubai with Emirates - and from Manchester.

There could be some positives, you could join organisations and make new friends - unless you are not really happy in your present partnership.

Even if he is adamant that doesn't rule out renting. It could be seen as either a trial run or as a transition to let you look around to find a property.
If he is simply overruling you then you need to think about your future together with a domineering man and not just about where you
love.
Just how entangled are your finances?

Who owns your place in the UK, is it you or both of you?

Thanks everyone, partner adement that's where we are going, so cannot rent , l hate the cold so not the place for me, I am used to moving have lived in Spain and Switzerland and different parts of the UK . It's just too far away from everyone single person I know. I am feeling more and more resentful!