So upset for my son

We never stop worrying about our children regardless of how old they are but we can't live their lives for them he sounds like a successful person and sometimes when you strive to have a great career our personal life suffers however I would point out to him that lots of men in particular don't settle down until later on in life I'm sure if he will meet the right person when he is probably least expecting it I would just be there as a support when he needs it

Hopefully my story will spread a bit of hope .....

Our DS was also long term single and I'd gotten used to the idea. His sister always said he was just too nice, an old fashioned gentleman.

Anyway, he recently got married, on the same day that he turned 40! In his speech he said something along the lines of, 'If anyone had told me five years ago that I would have moved out of London, bought a house and be getting married I would have said ****, though being a gentleman he didn't actually swear!'

He ended his speech by saying, "My Gran always told my mom that one day I would meet the right person and she was right." How she would have loved to have seen him married and tell me 'I told you so!'

From what I've seen in other cases, better wait for the right person than marry in haste and repent at leisure.

As it turns out they have known each other as friends for many years so there is already a solid basis to their relationship.

Try not to worry about your sons and daughters, we never know who is round the corner waiting for them

I'm 45 and never married. Life has just taken over and passed me by. No boyfriend for 5+ years. It becomes more difficult I think as you older. I have a daughter & I've spent the last 4 yrs being a kinship carer for dgd. Now she's gone back to her mum who knows what's round the corner? To be honest though I'm very set in my ways & the thought of permanently sharing my space with another adult doesn't excite me ?
I hope your son finds what he's looking for ?

My youngest is 33. I too worry about him. His 5 year relationship ended 5 years ago. He says he's fine and happy but.....

It seems to me that he has reacted to your announcement that your friends are about to become grandparents. Depends on how you said it. I think you have put him under unnecessary pressure and he has lashed out. Leave him to his own life and whether that produces grandchildren or not, does it really matter. I don't have grand children and never will as my son is gay. He is more than enough for me.

My son is 38. Divorced and can't find a job. He also bemoans the fact he has nothing - no house, no wife and no children - and an old car! I do think it is quite common and when he is in the slough of despond my husband and I have the unenviable task of trying to perk him up. But nothing stays the same does I? My daughter at 38 thought she was never going to get married and have a baby and then wham, in the space of 18 months did both. So hang in there SunnySusie. It will happen.

Hi Sunny Susie - it's clear from your son's reaction that this is something he wanted to share with you otherwise he would have kept a lid on things. This means you need to be overtly helping him if only by encouraging him to talk. The next thing is for him to recognise fairly and squarely that it is his non-routinised lifestyle which is presenting him with no opportunity to meet Miss Right. He has to make a decision in this respect - either he reclaims his personal time so that he can be proactive and put himself about or he has to accept that he must find the right lady another way and this means using IT and getting himself on several dating websites but being completely and utterly honest about what he can offer in the way of a relationship. This will be a step forward at least. From my own experience I have a male relative who has had several unsuccessful relationships resulting in three (now grown-up) children to three different women (of different nationalities). When the children were aged between 3 and 10 he joined an online dating agency and clearly outlined his position, saying that he wanted a relationship with a woman who had no children of her own and who didn't want any, but would be happy to develop a relationship with his children when they visited at weekends, holidays, etc. He found someone within weeks - a career woman who in her mid-forties at that time had prioritised her career and been unsuccessful in relationships for the same reason as him - both putting their jobs first. I think your son could at least give this a try. He has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck to him - but don't forget, he needs your counsel.

SunnySusie......I am twice his age so I see 35 as still very much in his prime with many years in front of him to meet the right person. My husband was 37 when we got married. My own dad was 40 when I was born. Not everyone meets their partner at the same time as other friends do ....perhaps some little changes in his lifestyle will bring him in contact with more people who he can socialise with. Sometimes when we are least expecting it someone else becomes a big part of our lives.

Sunnysusie - It must be difficult if he is away a lot but maybe there is an online group he could join in with? Not necessarily a dating site as such more a friends one or a group with similar interests? My son was still single in his late 30's then he met Dani through a fantasy gaming website - they started chatting and next thing he was off to Boston Maine and within a few weeks they got married so don't despair! Perhaps you could talk to your son and then see what groups he might be interested in?

Sorry, but if he wants things to change, he's going to have to start making changes himself. He needs to take a good hard look at his lifestyle and decide what is important to him, and what he has just accepted along the way.

Does he want to do the amount of travelling for work that he does? Does his employer expect it of him, the single man, but not of the husbands/fathers (and wives/mothers)? If it is an inevitable part of the job, should he consider changing jobs?

Why does he have no house? If he works long hours he has an income, where is it going? Is home ownership unaffordable, or has he prioritised spending on other things (e.g. holidays, tech, fast car)?

Lots of people get sucked into a lifestyle that's fun in their twenties, and then somehow they get stuck. He's realised that's where he is now, I think the best you can do is encourage him to have an actual life-plan rather than just drift with the opportunities. To sit down, work out where he wants to be in three or five years time, and to consider what he's going to have to put in place to achieve those goals. To position himself to be able to meet someone, to build a relationship, to get on with his life.

Do not worry! Just for the record my second husband was 42 before he met and married me, He had always been to busy or travelling to settle down. He has made a wonderful husband who appreciates anything I cook, does his own ironing and does a lot around the house. We have not had any children together but he reckoned if he had wanted children he would have done something about it instead he has my 5 gc and my two children who treat him as a dad. It will happen, just look at Prince Harry!

SunnySusie
Your post opened my floodgates, I am so unhappy for the same reason. He's forty, handsome with a job in films so he works all hours (nowadays it's not well paid) to make ends meet. His latest love has just left him after 4 years, just as his younger brother has his second child. I wish we could meet up and form a support/sharing group. It helps just to know I'm not alone, it certainly hasn't happened to any friends or relatives offspring, and he is so dejected now. I wish you and all the others a happy ending to this sadness.

Well I hope the OP listened to her son and asked him some pertinent questions. It's so hard for young(ish) people to meet like minded potential mates these days.

Did he have any thoughts on how to remedy his situation? Did you offer any help or advice?

Is there a reason why your son has never bought a property (a small flat he can just lock up when he goes away for work)? If he has a good job and is intelligent then he must know that he is just throwing his money away on renting. He could even have taken in a lodger to help with the costs and security.

Susie please don't worry and tell him this little story. I received an invitation In May last year to my cousin's wedding and just about fell off my chair. He is 49 years old and his bride is 42 years. He has never had a girlfriend in his life but been totally absorbed in running a bras band and his job. In fact he went to this ladies house to do some work for her and they fell in love at first sight, they married within 12 months and are so in love and very, very happy 12 month later.. They are perfect for each other.

He lived in his own rented flat, her family is well of and they were given a piece of land as their wedding present on which they have had the most beautiful bungalow built. They will never have children, but they have a cat they treat as their chid. Lovely fairy tail ending.

My own son got married at the age of 41 years after a few years of courting. I married my husband when he was 39 years old. As you see 35 is still quite young compared.

I wish you son luck in finding a bride, which will happen as long as he does not come across too desperate.

Your son must have had this building up for a while and felt he had to say something in front of you. Although he is lacking the major props in life that he feels he needs, he hasn't rushed into a relationship, made a complete mess of it all and then had a nasty separation. He just hasn't met the right person yet, and love is not the privilege of the young. Life can turn around with one chance encounter, and become completely different and much fulfilled as so many have said here. I wish him well - this time next year could see a completely different scenario for him.

My son is 40 and until his mid 30's hadn't found the right partner. He was quite despondent, as most of his friends, and his brother, had settled down and started having children. However, after a few false starts he met a woman via a dating site who is perfect for him. They have married and have a little boy. Internet dating seems to be an excellent way of meeting people for those who, like my son, aren't confident and certainly can't go 'on the pull' to pub or club.

I had a teacher colleague who was clever, charming but socially very offputting. He managed to .get to his fifties without so much as a sniff at romance. To our astonishment he got talking with a Vietnamese waitress's of forty years old or so and a relationship blossomed. In short, reader, he married her. We suspected it might have had something to do on her part with a passport but it didn't matter. They are fine and very happy.

That said , my son is 28 and there are no prospects in store for him.

We live in hope.

Is it a mother thing?
Or the fact that we were supposed to 'settle down' when we were young?

I remember an uncle saying to me when I got engaged 'We thought you'd never settle down, you always seemed flighty'.
What a cheek!!
I was 22.

Sorry, my iPad inserted a redundant apostrophe and I missed it. That should read waitress not waitresses'.

Waitress's. Doh!

SunnySusie my son was still single and living at home at 35 but while my husband and I were on a road trip in New Zealand he met a lovely young woman at work and they started dating.

Now he is 46, living with his partner in their own house with two lovely little boys aged 5 and 18 months. Like all families they have their ups and downs but they are happy, can't ask for more than that.

My son married after a few gfs in his youth and was happy. I liked her a lot but sadly she died. It hit him hard and me. He got back on track work wise and socialwise. But he got involved with one horrible woman. Long to short he sold up and moved back with me in his early thirties. It seemed logical. I was divorced he was single, my house is large.
It was a strain in ways. I wanted and was meeting and dating and dare I say I bought some home before he moved back. Dear mum can't be a floozy Lol. But things got better he came out of his shell. And now he lives round the corner. Nicd to gave a man about the house for a time for diy He seems to be here a lot eeekkk
One still needs privacy lol.

I remember, thinking I am getting on I really must make meeting someone a priority and sending off a Dateline form . This was in 1974. The 3rd person I met was my husband and we have been together 42 years. Had been busy working shifts and had little social life. I don't think you can leave it to chance.
I think it might be easier out of large cities.

My only daughter is now 37 and still alone.She has a good job, her own car and lots of friend, so she socialises all the time but still hasn't found the 'one'. She was engaged back in her 20's but he left her for someone else, then about three years ago she met a guy on a dating app, things went well for a while but that fizzled out too, she says mum 'its not meant for me' and it breaks my heart. Maybe us GN should set up a dating app for our sons and daughters and do some match making!!!