The lost friendship

Thank you so much Smileless2012. You have given me a lot to think about. I still cannot believe this ever happened - it is the total mystery of her actions which is killing me. My tears are flowing all the time I respond to comments here - it meant the world to me.

Please just give it just one more try but prepare yourself for your friend not to want to take it any further as it does sound between the lines she could possibly be suffering from dementia of some sort.
Its such a shame that all your years of friendship are suffering but one last try maybe by your hubby could help or does your friend any other friends or relatives (her daughter) who could pose the question for you

I'm sorry that because of responses you received the last time you posted you've not wanted to post again cheneslieges but pleased that you've had the courage to do so.

I too have a friendship much like the one you've described; to one another we are the sisters neither of us ever had.

My dear friend, due to marriage problems moved away and after several months stopped contacting me. She'd moved from the address I had for her so I was unable to find out why.

About 15 years ago, after 10 years of silence she 'phoned me just before Christmas. I knew immediately who was on the other end of the 'phone the moment I heard her voice which was shaking with emotion.

The call was brief, she said she understood that I'd be taken by complete surprise and may not want to talk so gave me her number so I could ring back if I wanted too.

I made myself a rather large G&T (it was only about 3 in the afternoon) then called her back. I told her the only reason I was calling was to ask her why. We spoke for some time and arranged for her to come and visit the following February.

Typing this has re awakened the emotion when she arrived on our doorstep, the sheer joy of seeing her again. We stayed up until the early hours talking of what had happened and have never spoken of it since.

When Mr. S. got home from work on the day of that call I was playing Simply Red, the music she and I had loved. He said "she 'phoned then" and it turned out that she'd 'phoned him first at work to ask whether or not I'd want to hear from her again. He'd told her he had no idea and the only way she's know was of she called.

I know this is different to your situation as although you were the one who was cut off, you're the one thinking about making contact.

All I can say is go for it, you really have nothing to lose and so much to gain if she's willing to put the past behind her and reconnect with the friend she's lost.

Our friendship continues to be a blessing for us both. Last year she came to visit and we went to see Simply Red in concert. It was very emotional sitting there with our arms around one another. Mr. S. came too and said the best thing about the evening was seeing us together.

I hope if you do contact her it goes well but if not you tried and that's all any of us can do. Good luck.

It is possible that her change is down to the onset of dementia.
My mum and her neighbour had been good friends for 50 yrs. When mum was widowed M would pop round for coffee etc. One day I met M in town and she told me she was hurt that mum had stopped her coming round and was behaving like a stranger. A few weeks later mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia.

I'm sorry you are so hurt.

I think annsixty's advice is spot on

Thank you annsixty. I am so fearful of trying again.

Thank you MawBroon. You are kind to take the time to comment, which is so much nicer than what happened to me last year.

I can only say how sorry I am for the way you are feeling.
Personally I would have one last attempt to contact your friend, explain how much you miss her and how precious your friendship was to you.
If you are rebuffed again you must put it behind you knowing you have done all you can.
If she is lapsing into dementia, things can never be the same , she will be a different person to the one you knew and loved.
Say goodbye to her in your own way and do not let this spoil the rest of your life.

Oh dear I am sorry the response from GN only made things worse.
Are there any mutual friends/acquaintances who could tell you how she is? I seem to remember suggestions that your friend might have been showing symptoms of dementia or perhaps there was some other crisis in her life?
If you try to get in touch are you prepared to be hurt again? Only you can know that.
Good luck