can't think what to do

Just to say when my friend became very depressed she couldn't even talk on the phone I spent a year maybe more just sending her letters and cards of support every few weeks She's fine now and we often lunch together but she told me how supportive and helpful she found my letters when she didn't even feel able to talk to anyone

Don't visit until they say it's OK - she may even feel embarrassed that she can't get dressed, can't wash her hair etc etc.

She probably just can't be bothered with anything much at all. Years ago you would have been kept in hospital for much longer after an operation but now you're out after a couple of days. For the first two weeks or so after I had a major op the nurse was calling in daily, I couldn't get dressed and could hardly get down the stairs and in fact slept a lot.
Two weeks is very early days and I am sure she will love to see you when she is feeling better but it may take time and in the meantime you can keep in contact via her husband and see if there is anything you can help with, like the drinks etc.

Thankyou all so much for your replies, you are a wise lot! I resolved my worry this morning with a phone call to her husband. Everything is fine, as far as our friendship goes but she has no energy at all and feels sick most of the time. He is wonderfully supportive and helpful to her. Its been 2 weeks since her surgery but the post op time has had dreadful complications. I've been trying to help her with finding drinks that she can tolerate as she becomes dehydrated.

If you know she's being looked after, leave her alone.
When friends have been unwell, I just say " call me when you need me or need anything.
If your recovering from a serious op, it takes all your energy just to get well. Talking to people, even good friends can exhaust you.
That's just me, and fortunately my friends are the same.

The other post is 'the lost friendship '

How interesting as I have just written on another post with exactly same issue, but four years on. I'm interested to read responses , feel for you farmgran

If you visit make it very short, no more than 10 or 15 minutes and offer to do something quite simple like make a hot drink, of there is washing up in the kitchen, just do it.

Is she on her own or does she have a partner/DH?

I agree with Roses, ring beforehand to arrange a mutually acceptable time and maybe take a nice homemade meal too.
I nursed on a post-operative ward and when the bell heralding the end of one hour visiting sounded the relief in almost all the patients was palpable.
I really don't think this is personal, just that your friend tires very easily at the moment and if she hasn't been doing anything she will have very little to talk about.
You sound a good and caring person, so be patient, take a step back and allow your friend the space and time to recover at her own pace.

I agree with all the above posts, but do beware about sending flowers by post - the last think your friend will need is having to sort out a vase etc, trim the flowers and dispose of all the packaging! (As I know from experience...)

I would just send a Get Well card with a 'let me know if there's anything I can do' message and leave it at that.

She'll probably be in touch when she's feeling a bit more chipper.

She has no energy to do anything, maybe that is including reading texts and welcoming visitors.

Is anyone looking after her? Maybe try and contacting them and see how things are and when it is a good time to visit,

At the moment she probably feels she's gone off everything. Even when you're pleased to see a visitor it can all seem too much very quickly. Keep in touch with chatty texts and perhaps drop in with a treat, some nice soap or cologne perhaps and just give her time to recuperate.

Ring her to arrange about you popping in? Take a nice cake and some flowers.

I've looked after two relatives after major surgery. It took bothe of them about ten weeks before they could cope with anything approaching ordinary life. They liked getting cards and notes but didn't want much in the way of visitors. How long since your friend had her operation?

The problem with being a worrier is a tendency to worry about things that needn't be worried about; this is coming from a fellow worrier.

You've said your friend is still suffering from the after effects of major surgery so there's your answer farmgran she probably doesn't always feel like replying to your texts and doesn't realise that her failure to do so worries and upsets you.

You could give her a call before you visit to make sure she feels up to it and maybe have some flowers delivered to cheer her up which wouldn't involve you calling round. Maybe next time you text you could put 'hope you're OK, let me know if there's anything you need' and leave it at that.

You says she's a good friend so it would a shame to stop contacting her especially when she's un well.

What Lucky said. Just keep plugging away.

Keep sending the texts and not mind if she does not reply. She is clearly wiped out and needs some space - but also needs to know that folk are thinking of her.