can't think what to do

Keep sending the texts and not mind if she does not reply. She is clearly wiped out and needs some space - but also needs to know that folk are thinking of her.

What Lucky said. Just keep plugging away.

The problem with being a worrier is a tendency to worry about things that needn't be worried about; this is coming from a fellow worrier.

You've said your friend is still suffering from the after effects of major surgery so there's your answer farmgran she probably doesn't always feel like replying to your texts and doesn't realise that her failure to do so worries and upsets you.

You could give her a call before you visit to make sure she feels up to it and maybe have some flowers delivered to cheer her up which wouldn't involve you calling round. Maybe next time you text you could put 'hope you're OK, let me know if there's anything you need' and leave it at that.

You says she's a good friend so it would a shame to stop contacting her especially when she's un well.

I've looked after two relatives after major surgery. It took bothe of them about ten weeks before they could cope with anything approaching ordinary life. They liked getting cards and notes but didn't want much in the way of visitors. How long since your friend had her operation?

Ring her to arrange about you popping in? Take a nice cake and some flowers.

At the moment she probably feels she's gone off everything. Even when you're pleased to see a visitor it can all seem too much very quickly. Keep in touch with chatty texts and perhaps drop in with a treat, some nice soap or cologne perhaps and just give her time to recuperate.

She has no energy to do anything, maybe that is including reading texts and welcoming visitors.

Is anyone looking after her? Maybe try and contacting them and see how things are and when it is a good time to visit,

I would just send a Get Well card with a 'let me know if there's anything I can do' message and leave it at that.

She'll probably be in touch when she's feeling a bit more chipper.

I agree with all the above posts, but do beware about sending flowers by post - the last think your friend will need is having to sort out a vase etc, trim the flowers and dispose of all the packaging! (As I know from experience...)

I agree with Roses, ring beforehand to arrange a mutually acceptable time and maybe take a nice homemade meal too.
I nursed on a post-operative ward and when the bell heralding the end of one hour visiting sounded the relief in almost all the patients was palpable.
I really don't think this is personal, just that your friend tires very easily at the moment and if she hasn't been doing anything she will have very little to talk about.
You sound a good and caring person, so be patient, take a step back and allow your friend the space and time to recover at her own pace.

If you visit make it very short, no more than 10 or 15 minutes and offer to do something quite simple like make a hot drink, of there is washing up in the kitchen, just do it.

Is she on her own or does she have a partner/DH?

How interesting as I have just written on another post with exactly same issue, but four years on. I'm interested to read responses , feel for you farmgran

The other post is 'the lost friendship '

If you know she's being looked after, leave her alone.
When friends have been unwell, I just say " call me when you need me or need anything.
If your recovering from a serious op, it takes all your energy just to get well. Talking to people, even good friends can exhaust you.
That's just me, and fortunately my friends are the same.

Thankyou all so much for your replies, you are a wise lot! I resolved my worry this morning with a phone call to her husband. Everything is fine, as far as our friendship goes but she has no energy at all and feels sick most of the time. He is wonderfully supportive and helpful to her. Its been 2 weeks since her surgery but the post op time has had dreadful complications. I've been trying to help her with finding drinks that she can tolerate as she becomes dehydrated.

She probably just can't be bothered with anything much at all. Years ago you would have been kept in hospital for much longer after an operation but now you're out after a couple of days. For the first two weeks or so after I had a major op the nurse was calling in daily, I couldn't get dressed and could hardly get down the stairs and in fact slept a lot.
Two weeks is very early days and I am sure she will love to see you when she is feeling better but it may take time and in the meantime you can keep in contact via her husband and see if there is anything you can help with, like the drinks etc.

Don't visit until they say it's OK - she may even feel embarrassed that she can't get dressed, can't wash her hair etc etc.

Just to say when my friend became very depressed she couldn't even talk on the phone I spent a year maybe more just sending her letters and cards of support every few weeks She's fine now and we often lunch together but she told me how supportive and helpful she found my letters when she didn't even feel able to talk to anyone

My husband was like this last year after major surgery, I had to put his friends off visiting because he didn't feel like seeing anyone and he was quiet and almost rude to me at times. I was very worried but gradually he came round and now he is back to normal. I think it's a big shock to be ill and it takes time to recover mentally as well as physically. I would keep sending texts and visit occasionally to keep in touch .

Less is more when people are wiped out by illness, a card with 'call me if I can help' is enough, follow it up once a month or so. I have had times when opening an envelope has been too much to cope with.

Friendship is as much about giving people space as anything else.

went to see a friend in same situation and she said I was the first visitor she had seen without her husband being around to relieve her if she couldn't cope. She thought she'd be able to tell me when she'd had enough. Suggest asking is best way - would you like me to visit or are you wiped out?

I underwent major surgery 5 years ago and it took me a full year to recover. I was as weak as a kitten for the first 3 or 4 months and quite spaced out to boot. I'd persevere with your friend. Be patient, just let her know you're there for her, and allow her to set the boundaries for a while as she recovers.

I would suggest sending a text to ask if she'd like any help and that if she doesn't want to reply you'll take it that she's too tired even for visitors. Leave it at that.
Hopefully she'll contact you as and when she feels up to it.

Text less frequently. Be prepared the friendship might have changed. But, kerp the door open. You never know, she may just be feeling a little below par still.