My son is being hard on me

Hello there... Having been at the receiving end of parents with new partners I wild absolutely agree with the others who say 'go slow'. Id go as far as to say perhaps completely keep them separate. Your son may have experiences at school of other kids 'having girlfriends' and even at 10- this can cause mini riots in terms of a relationship meaning that friends are ignored/ left out etc! He might be thinking the same. I personally would avoid talking about her, taking phone calls from her etc when he is there- Or showing him in any way that your time together is compromised by another person.
If in 6 months you are still dating then perhaps meet up- but take it slow and good luck.

Under no circumstances, Lie to him, as suggested, you can't trust a liar, ever. Spend your times alone with him, go gently, time is on your side. Introduce your lady friend, if you are in a stable relationship, otherwise don't. In time he will accept someone you are serious with and she will be part of your lives, not the other way round. That wonderful bond you have is precious and will last him all of his life and
your lady friend would want the best for you and if handled with sensitivity, she could be very important to your son too. He has to trust you, like he does, to lie to manipulate a situation would result in him questioning whether anything you say is true, but I am sure you have too much integrity fir that anyway. He will be fine, you have his best interests. That precious bond you have is worth more than gold.

Your son is upset.
He is not being hard on you, how harsh of you to think so.

David your son is not being hard on you, you are being hard on him by even thinking that he is the problem in this situation.

Every child of separated parents, whether he can remember life with two parents or not, deep, in their heart of hearts, dreams of their parents being united and giving them a home with both of them. When one starts having new partners or remarries it reminds them that this will never happen. Be gentle with him

Hi David, he got upset because he now feels threatened that you will want to spend more time with your new partner and less time with him.

The tricks are to firstly let him know how much you love him and make him feel secure and secondly and ONLY if its 90% sure that your partner will be hanging around for a good while, get him to see what you like about them and hopefully he will understand things from your point of view.

Possibly a case of Hope not being lost until it smacks you in the face that it really is. Keep talking and listening. Wish you luck.

Giving the benefit of the doubt, Auntieflo

You have already been given lots of very good advice, but I would just like to add another point of view.

Most of the answers are from people who rightly consider a ten year old a child, but he is getting to the pre-teen stage and these days even 10 year olds are quite well informed about human sexuality, but not old enough to really know what it is all about. They are, however, old enough to be embarrassed at the thought of Mom or Dad "doing it".

So your son may be quite horrified at the thought of what dating involves.

As the others say, go slow. If or when the new relationship looks like becoming permanent, you can take the next step and introduce your son to the lady, but not before, as the others also suggest.

Holidays? suspicious mind here. Just a thought.

You have told him, now leave him alone to think. Time is your friend.

Just a thought - I wonder if your son thought that you and his Mum could get back together and your new GF announcement has put paid to this ? I would also say to take things very slow, he possibly feels insecure and worries that his world is about to be turned upside down again .

I was just about to post a very personal reply to you david but remembered that this thread is quite likely to be plastered all over Facebook sometime soon, so decided against it.

I will just say that speaking from bitter experience there are often other sides to consider and perhaps "someone" is causing your sons insecurity by poisoning his young mind.

I hardly think that your son is being hard on you. After having you to himself for ten years, he's hardly going to jump for Joy at the news that you are seeing someone. You are over-the-moon by your new relationship but he will not think its the best news ever. He is scared that he is going to lose his Dad. See your girlfriend and see your son exactly the same as you always have done. He needs time to get used to you having another person in your life.

Hi David, You know your son best and obviously love him and have made sure you have regular contact, visits and a good relationship with him. You say it was recently that you told him about dating again but not whether this is casual dating or if there is someone potentially special. I would just say let the news sink in for a bit before broaching the subject again and give him any reassurance you can that he is the most important person to you. In time you might be able to sit down with him and tell him how happy he makes you and that having someone else who also makes you happy will not affect how much you love him. Is your ex wife likely to be supportive? I agree with others that no new partner should be introduced to your son unless it is a serious commitment as he is probably a bit confused and maybe scared that things are about to change for him. Just keep loving him and doing all the things you usually do together - you'll know when the time is right to discuss this with him and any new partner will understand that, for now, introductions may have to wait a bit. Oh, and don't lie to him - the truth can be softened and kept age-appropriate without risking him feeling bad about a lie. Your son is 'hard on you' and upset because he loves you so much - your strong bond will help with any change of circumstances - just keep being his loving father. I wish you and your son well and hope you find someone who makes you happy - good luck.

Just out of interest has his mum dated since the divorce. Just out of curiosity

he will have no memories of what life was like for him when his mum and dad were together and living as a family. This means his current response is not coming from a place where he hopes you and mum can get back to a situation he remembers as a happy one.
He may, nevertheless, have had hopes that mum and dad could live together again and become his family.
David, you are adult and have control in this situation. Your son has no control and has no idea how things might pan out, now that this change has happened.
As others said, look at things from his point of view, keep everything the same in your relationship with him, and only introduce your son to your lady friend if he wants to meet her.

He's understandably upset. You're introducing a new factor into your relationship with him. He has no idea how this might change your father-son bond and affect him but he correctly assumes that it will. You need to go very slowly and carefully.
There are other aspects to consider too. Are you dating someone with children herself? If the relationship is still in it's early stages and casual as yet he doesn't need to meet her unless and until he wants to. Take it easy!

Crossed posts- distracted by phone call in middle of posting!

I don't think you should lie to him re previous GFs How is that helpful? This is directed at Golden age and not David!

You should, even though it may not be true, tell him that you have dated other women in the past and just never told him because you didn't think he was old enough to know or that it just wasn't necessary.

But why lie Goldenage - if it is not true? And might this then make him wonder that this time it is a really important relationship when it might not be. I don't see how this would help him adjust. He might even start to wonder 'What else hasn't dad told me ?' Trust is precious and if damaged it can take a great deal of time to repair.

As a remarried divorcee with 4 children, like the OP I stayed single for a long time. I think it is different again if you are the mum -as I was - but bottom line, children needs do have to come first. There is a balance between navigating their needs and our own, but when it comes to introducing changes re a new partner, they do need to happen slowly and sensitively.

I come back to the post being titled ' My Son is being hard on me.' OP seems to be very caring and just needs to reflect on what is reasonable for his son to adjust to over time, but it may be helpful to keep any new relationship under wraps until / unless it becomes substantial to avoid unnecessary upheaval for the child.

As you've been divorced for 8 years and your son is 10, he will have no memories of what life was like for him when his mum and dad were together and living as a family. This means his current response is not coming from a place where he hopes you and mum can get back to a situation he remembers as a happy one. His concern is simply with the potential change to the relationship he has with you. As a 10 year old, he may think that not only will your new girlfriend encroach into your time with him, but that you may have another child with her and that he will be displaced in your affections and attention. You should, even though it may not be true, tell him that you have dated other women in the past and just never told him because you didn't think he was old enough to know or that it just wasn't necessary. If he gets the idea that no change will occur, he will be more amenable to the idea. He just doesn't want to lose you.

David I just wish that my first husband had been as good a Dad as you are, and had shown some sensitivity. Mine left me for another woman, and my daughter - then 12 - had to just accept it. My ex dealt with her upset by leaving her alone, and they've never got their bond back, and she's now in her 40s and missing it still.

Be patient, and make your son the most important one until he starts to understand that nothing has changed, despite the fact that you now have someone else in your life. Now and again you can drop her name into the conversation, just to keep him aware that she is still around but is no threat to what the two of you have. As everyone else has advised, slowly is the word. And never, ever cancel a date with your son except for a genuine reason - definitely not for a date with your new lady.

I wish you all the best - you've done a fabulous job already, and I think that - for a time, at least - you're now the victim of your own success!

Don't mention it again...at least not for while, when u do then take it very very s-l-o-w-l-y. He won't want to share you, he's on his Mum's side because he lives with her and may be the recipient of any negative thoughts from her. I know because my son has NEVER really liked his father's partners....he puts up with the current one now because they married and my son has a family of his own now. You may find that you have to see your son on his own, just the two of you, with just the odd meet up with your girlfriend and your son. Whatever you fo fon't force them together....believe me ....i have seen the problems over the years.....just keep your relationship with your girlfriend in the background when.you see your son..

Yes it's normal for kids to resent anyone who may be taking your time up. I would just ensure you have loads of one to one, verbal reassurance and only introduce your partner when your son is ready.

Make sure that you still spend time alone with him. He will have to accept that you and your ex will have new relationships but I don't think that children should be forced to have a relationship with the new partner. Make sure that the contact with him, including phone calls, social media etc. is not reduced. Talk about him and yourself and mutual friends, relatives etc.
Once he is feels secure with the situation and you have been in a relationship for a while, it might be time to make introductions but that could take years and he should be given that time.