I have posted before on another post. I just added my thoughts when OP was asking for advice in a sexless marriage, but this is mine.
To be brief.. 25 years ago my husband became impotent (through diabetes probably although he had always previously had a low sex drive and little libido). He unilaterally sentenced me to a celibate life without even discussing it with me or seeking other ways to satisfy me other than by intercourse. I tried (how I tried) to maintain some form of affection and intimacy but was always, always rejected. This left my self esteem in tatters and damaged beyond repair.
Ironically I am/was a very passionate and tactile person and missed the sex and intimacy dreadfully. I have tolerated this for twenty five years.
Today is our 49th anniversary, My husband tried to give me a card this morning but I gave it back to him unopened saying as we did not have a marriage, I hadn't received one word of love or endearment from him in many many years I felt disrespected by having to read written gushing words of love and affection on paper when I never heard them from him. He has never cuddled me or put his arm around me in 25 yrs, not even when I have been sad, distressed or recovering from three quite difficult surgical operations. I suppose I just accepted it.
Tomorrow I have an appointment on my own with Relate. (We went together 14 yrs ago and at the end the Counsellor advised that I leave and make a new life for myself as I was a kind caring person with much to offer in a new relationship). I now come to terms with the fact that at my age soon to be 68, I will never ever have a happy satisfying relationship with a man. It is a shame I know I have a lot to offer. I am left perpetually angry with my husband for the way he has unkindly and uncaringly treated me for such a long time. I have absolutely zero tolerance of everything he does. All his actions irritate me dreadfully, I really don't like or love him any more. Recently I have feelings of hoping he dies before me so that I might have some years by myself without constantly feeling so very angry and irritated. I cannot be a nice person to live with but he made me like this.
I paid for my appointment on my credit card and as we have online banking he will see the payment soon. I have kept my appointment secret as I don't want to discuss my feelings with him. I worry what I will say by explanation when he finds out.
There is no recovering from this awful situation I am just going to see if the Counsellor can help me to find a happier place in my head as I am so very unhappy and feel unfulfilled. I know sex isn't everything when both partners agree the terms but I was cut off without any support, care or love and feel so very sad about my lonely years ahead.
I did not leave for financial reasons and having three children to care for.
