Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Or you iPad froze! From car I meant our relatiOnship works well that way. He does so much for me I ever grudge doing anything for him that's how it should be.

Rhinestone so sorry tend agree with starlady think u need break from that volatile behaviour
Actually our ed was like that she could cause a scene over anything ruined my dh 60th with outburst and a. MOthers day, just was her volatile personality.

I don't miss that,

Today felt very unwell with tummy we popped out get some lunch and shopping ran into an Acquaintance who first mistook me for someone whose husband had died! Then insisted on taking us for coffee (we paid)wasn't meant to happen never mind he was so friendly was hard be rude.

Didn't help dh got on phOne to talk talk (I wasn't resting)forgot rosie vets appt I wasn't t happy. We ended up seeing different vet who was even better than normal one!
Rosie not so bad does have slight heart murmur Now.
Whatever happens no more operations at her age one in june was last,

Dh work tomorrow he won't come home for lunch so will be long day!

Just hope tummy settles think stress not helping
Our dear friend still in hospital and still confused,

Smilless what day u off?

Think yogagirl may have gone to her retreat?

Maddyone well done cake sounds yummy?

Norah what I meant was that it would t hurt women to care for their husband s esepcilly if they are working longer hrs, and I don't agree with all this sexist rubbish.
Believe you me men are not natural and dusting and cleaning having had two months seeing dh struggle and we really neeed a weekly cleaner to help.

I agree smilless how can shirts and tops look good without ironing.
I always ironed all my husbands shirts up until he retired well he works one day then ironing piled up so he does some shirts I still happy do special ones for him, he doesn't expect me to put rubbish out or go to dump lug shopping in from c

That sounds like me and Mr. S. Luckylegs, there's nothing sexist about the fair division of labour. You're not the only one who irons sheets.

Both of our boys could cook and iron before they left home. When DS went to uni. there were 6 of them sharing a kitchen, he was the only one who could cook so for that first year, the other 5 bought the food, he cooked and they did the washing up.

I remember the first time I got him to do some ironing, he did a really bad job and said 'sorry mum, I'm no good at it' so I said 'that's OK love, you can do it all again; practice makes perfect.

Call me old fashioned but I took pride in our boys always looking well turned out for school, and work when they lived at home. Feel the same way about Mr. S. too.

I still iron, even sheets, I'm a disgrace to my sex I know. I feel sorry for men now, they have to do everything. I do believe in division of labour if you are both working, but if you are stay at home mom, I wouldn't expect him to iron his own shirts. I always cooked the meals and saw to the house, the times he did cook a meal it was nearly time for bed before we eat and the kitchen looked as if he had prepared a banquet. I worked full time, but my h did the garden, cars, decorating and lots of other things, so I was

happy with that arrangement and considered we both used our talents to the best advantage. Now of course I am responsible for everything!

Smileless2012, Agreeing with Celeb, I do not think many women iron much. My family shake their clothing and hang it quickly, right out the dryer. Of course some clothing goes out to service. Anyway it seems sexist to think only women can iron. I have daughters and I carefully consider sexist bits.

Rhinestonewhat a shame that your S ruined what should have been a lovely day. Your poor mumwho has problems of her own to contend with.

I understand that you're tired of the on/off estrangement, it must be worse than having no contact at all. At least then you know where you stand and have no expectations. It's terrible that he verbally abuses his sister, especially in front of her children. It's such a worry for you to know that his mind is so troubled; I'm so sorry.

I think his visit lasted for a couple of hours. She hasn't heard from him since and as far as I'm aware he didn't mention when or of he'd be seeing her again. It just doesn't make any sense does it?

TBH I don't really know what I'd say Starlady; what I'd want to say and what would be appropriate are two very different things. The thought of having any contact with him makes me feel physically sick. He frightens me, not because of what he may say but because his abandonment of us quite literally nearly destroyed me and I just don't have the strength or the courage to allow him to get near to me again.

My only desire would be to see our GC which of course would require seeing him too but such meetings would get shorter as the GC got to know us and were happy to be left.

I very much doubt, as you say Fairydoll that she knew of his visit. She is undoubtedly the power behind the throne of our estrangement.

As far as our estrangement goes Maddy his wife has everything to do with what's happened. Even after 5 years, I still find it difficult to comprehend how one person can destroy a once close and loving family. I hope your mum's turned out well. Iwhen I read you'd baked her a cake for her 90th birthday; how lovely.

I iron, always have and don't know how people manage to cope who don't Norah. I've tried non iron shirts and blouses but end up ironing them anyway.

When Mr. S. met up with our ES one evening about 7 months into our estrangement (it was a disaster) what really upset him was seeing him in a creased and un ironed shirt, knowing that he'd worn it to work. Bless him, he said he never went to school in an un ironed shirt let alone work. It's not as if she was rushed off of her feet, she was still on maternity leave.

Hope you're friend is doing OK Celeb and all's well with you Yogagirl and Luckylegs.

Rhinestone, I'm so very sorry about what happened and that it has led to a new estrangement. I don't believe in getting in the middle between 2 ac, but what you did was in defense of your innocent gc - you weren't "taking sides" at all, unless we can say you were taking the children's side. And bravo to you for that!

As for the estrangement - well, maybe the rest of you need some space from ds, too. I'm sorry, but that's how I see it. You don't need his volatile behavior and the aggravation that comes with it. xx

Maddy*Thank you. My son made it clear he was only yelling at my DD yet my mom took the same view of climate change. Can you believe yelling over climate change. I’m tired of this on again off again estrangement because you don’t agree with someone’s point of view or you want to control someone’s life. At this point he has no significant other to influence him. It’s all him and his very troubled mind.

Rhinestone I'm so sorry to hear what happened during your birthday celebration, so sorry, it obviously completely spoilt the day for you. And to shout at his elderly grandmother in public aswell. How upsetting and embarrassing for you and the rest of your family. At least you can come on here and receive virtual tea and sympathy and a birthday .

MaddyGlad you found us.
SmilelessOMG that is Astro forward I would say. Did your MIL ask why she hasn’t seen him? How long did he stay? Did he say he would call again?
You would think I worked for Scotland Yard asking you all these questions but I believe it’s a breakthrough.

As for me.. well ladies... I am estranged AGAIn by my son. My birthday was today so because my daughters children had a day off school on Thursday I suggested we celebrate then. We met up with my son an hour away at a zoo and then took a boat ride on a river that this town is on. Me, my DH, my DD and her two children and my mom. My DD and son got into it over CLIMATE change and he was yelling at lunch in a restaurant at her. She yelled back instead of walking away. Then later in the afternoon after dinner my son told her that her daughter had eaten too much sugar that day. He called her names and was violent. He told me to stop talking when I tried to tell him that I wouldn’t allow my GC to hear this abuse of their mother. It was awful. He left , my mom got sick on the way home and to end the day my DH ran over a huge vase of ours on the drive.
My son called me the next day and was furious that he felt I was taking his sisters side. He hung up on me and my DH called him. He talked for an hour and my son decided he needed a vacation from the family except for my mom. I’m speechless . How confusing for my GC to hear their uncle who they love call their mother who they love names. Two weeks ago their father calked my DD bitch in front of the GC. This is terrible.

I agree celebgran, I don't know anybody who irons, my daughters would not even consider ironing, I doubt they have irons or want to waste their time.

I can understand maybe sharing the ironing if both partners working BUT if one stays at home and their child is at nursery 5 mornings a week, they could just maybe cook or iron once in a while?
Am I being old-fashioned or is it too much to expect of modern women?

I give up!!!!!!!

And it smells good, oh dear, should have previewed.

I meant, rich fruit cake.....

Just mixed up rich cake, will bake tomorrow, not for Christmas, but for my lovely mum's 90th birthday. Spells good, even unbaked.

I don't think many wives iron their husband's shirts any more either, my daughter certainly doesn't, but, her MiL irons all their clothes for them. This lovely lady told me that when she takes the ironing back, her DS points out all the flaws in her ironing, and one time he was cross with her because she'd put the things away, and he couldn't find something as she'd put it somewhere slightly different in the cupboard! You couldn't make it up could you?!?

Hello again everyone, Smileless it's just amazing that your ES told his grandmother that he/they had no support when they estranged themselves for 5 years! It leaves me speechless. Do you think he's hoping for a reconciliation? It's nice he saw his grandmother, but it would be even nicer if he had taken the children with him.
I'm coming to the conclusion that the partners in these situations have quite a lot to do with it, but perhaps I'm wrong, who knows.
Celeb it's good to hear that you're progressing, you'll get there eventually. You have a positive attitude that shines through in your posts.
Sparklygrandma I haven't yet had a Christmas when I didn't see my daughter's children, but I'm wondering about this coming one. I do have some experience as my sister broke off all contact with our entire family for several years, until she was finally treated for her mental health problems and gradually recovered. But the terrible grief of my DM, and I also grieved for my nephews and niece. I remember that so well and don't really want to relive it with my DD. I think you ladies all know that pain.
Anyway, we've had a good weekend, spent with DS and his family. We also spent a wonderful week in France with them last month. Our other DS and his wife, they have no children, is very supportive, sending lovely WhatsApp messages even though he's on holiday. Thank God we have such lovely sons.

Fairydoll in don't think many women do iron their husband shirts anymore my sons partner doesn't,

Sometimes I feel given all stress from his high flying jobs he does need more suport but best keep quiet!

Well, Smileless there's definitely something going on with your ES. Very, very odd that he turned up out of the blue to see your MIL. I would bet that his lady wife didn't know pabout his visit! I've always followed your posts and speculated that it was your DIL who was instrumental in the estrangement. I can understand that you are concerned about your sons mental health.
My son has a couple of colleagues who have been mentally and physically worn down by their wives post childbirth which seems to be the catalyst for estrangement and negative attitudes towards the inlaws. My son has gone from having jet black hair to very grey since our DGS was born. He looks permanently exhausted and stressed having to bear the additional responsibility of ensuring our DGS has contact with us. He works in a high pressure job while his partner meanwhile chooses not to work. It would be nice if she could cook him a meal or iron a shirt once in a while

Maybe it's his way of trying to reach out, Smileless? But what does he expect you to do? Ring him up and ask what you can do for him? He needs to realize he cut off his own nose to spite his face.

Or maybe he's feeling guilty and is trying to show that he and dil have suffered, too. But has it really taken him 5 years to see that there is something wrong with this estrangement?

It might have just been an odd moment, of course. Or you or Mr. S. may hear from him soon. What do you think you would say to him if you did?

Smillless you aren't mad promise I will tell you, unless I am and don't realise it,

Well we had lovley catch-up woth Friends over lunchtime drinks and nibbles.

Then carried on In Garden. Set up some more pretty winter pansies and cyclamen and dh been cutting back shrubs and roses most which got yellow/black spot this year.

No doubt estranged son knew you would hear his strange words Smilelss and it does seem strange he can't cut you off and expect support???

She didn't respond when ES said he'd had no family support Sparkly. Don't know how she managed to resist the temptation but hey ho. No need for me to say what my reply would have been.

You're right Norah we did support him with his house purchase. They continue to benefit from our financial investment and my brother's although they refuse to have anything to do with us.

I doubt he's in need of our financial support and as for practical/emotional support well that ship sailed some time ago. Perhaps they've been reaping their reward for cutting his family out their lives for the past 5 years and we were simply unaware how they were struggling 'due to a lack of family support'.

Once thehad past at his outrageous statement, which didn't take long I saw the funny side. That said, it does worry me about his mental state. Seriously, how can he tell his GM who hasn't seen the eldest GGC for about 3 years and has never seen the youngest, that he's never had family support when they're the ones who kicked his family out, and should have known that they wouldn't get any significant support from her parents.

Good job we can laugh isn't it, or we'd go mad, or maybe I have but I haven't realised it yet.

Smileless2012, strange comment to his GM, wasn't it? I thought you had supported him in his move house? I wonder, does he need you to support him paying other bills too?

Sparklygran ?It hits us hard at times another Xmas no little Grandaughters it will always hurt we not made of steel, x