What do I call her

Nannykay, tricky isn't it! My DS2 and GF have been joined a the hip since they were 16. Now in mid twenties and have a mortgage, but not engaged. They do talk about getting married and having children as if it is a given 'one day', but like you, I stumbled in earlier days. I now tend to call GF his 'partner ' when I talk about them to others. However, this has been a fairly recent development.

DS2 moved in with GF a few months ago and she still is GF. For me, there comes a point of distinctive 'shift' when a couple do show that they are more deeply committed to each other. In the early days / months of living together they are still finding their way. Maybe in a year or so for me things will seem more definite ...

Thing is , DS2 had a very serious GF a couple of years ago - we envisaged her as DIL in the making, but it fizzled out and it has made me more reserved about assuming longevity of relationship. The term 'partner (if there is no engagement) does seem a step on.

I think it is just good to focus on quietly building a positive relationship and there will likely / hopefully be a natural development of terms of endearment.

Really as they are not yet married I would say just continue to say her name first and then add j's girlfriend

Nannyk it's not what you say it is how you say it, she will feel your affection if you say it with affection x

That's why we have names, my in laws use my first name as I do for them. Why do we need to find alternatives unless for young children.

I'd say J's other half

I remember "Delboy" always called Rachel his "significant other" to her disgust.
I would just say may I introduce John and Mary and if someone is rude enough to ask just say ,his partner.

I call D's man her partner, so does she when talking to others. They have been living together 3 yrs and I think would marry if their exs would give them divorces.

Yes, I'd call her 'J's partner'.
My sister has two daughters and when one was married and the other wasn't, the men were referred to as 'the son in law' and 'the sin in law'.

Partner - a useful descriptive word.

Partner can be confusing, though and leave people wondering if they live together or run a business together.
I'd opt for Other Half or Daughter out-Law.

I like daughter out law, she has a good sense of humour and would like that. She has had a tough couple of years, and I like to think we have grown quite close, and no I will never feel the same love for her that I do my own daughter, but I have grown to love her, and feel that when I talk about her, it's as part of the family, not an attachment, daughter out law is perfect

My neighbour was widowed a few years ago, and now has a regular man friend. He sometimes stays the night, and they go on holiday together, so I called him her compagnon. Oh no, she said, he's my "ami" - he doesn't live here.
Others say 'concubin' (which I don't think is very nice). Or copain and copine. You have to be so careful.
If a woman calls her female friend her copine they think they're lesbians.

what about the old scottish one ,a "bidey in " literally someone you live with .Most folk here go for partner but I like bidey in ,once they're engaged of course its fiance/fiancee

I think 'partner' is suitable and commonplace today. Or if you're still unsure why not ask her?

I've struggled with what to call my man friend. When we just met up and then departed to our own homes he was my lover. Now he's started spending more time at my house (on his iPad, but who am I to judge) he's something different but what? Not a partner, not a bidey. Definitely not an other half. My feminism won't have that! Only one of a number of significant people in my life so not a significant other. Mostly I just introduce him as my friend though when I did that a few weeks ago someone actually asked if we had sex!!

Oh and when I typed in "bidey" it came out "bidet"

pillow friend ? housemate ,escort ?

We need a new word for these live-in situations!

Problem with "daughter-out-law" is that people will raise an eyebrow and question what you mean. Could be very awkward. I'd stick with partner or bidey for now.

daughter-out-law

My son-out-law loves being called that.

He calls my dd his pseudo-wife. We all love that.

Why beat about the bush? Just say it how it is or how it feels. If she feels like your daughterinlaw, call her that.

If they are young what's wrong with girlfriend to others, and her name to herself She's not your daughter in law and may never be if they are an older couple then partner is fine

I call them, because I love them so dearly, the daughters of my heart. But that is something that had to come, with time, not something I could say at first.

I had a conversation on just this subject with my (married) daughter recently. She thinks that Other Half is perfectly acceptable; I find it a bit twee. "Partner" seems to be widely accepted now as indicating a committed relationship, and that's how I refer to the ...errr .... partner of my other (divorced) daughter, as they now live together.

I must ask her how she refers to or introduces him!

I call my DDs partners my SILs. After all, apart from the bit of paper that's what they are.

I call my sons gf the daughter out law .she thinks it's funny.