Unfaithful hubby

If you do leave him a letter in the 'hope' that he will know how much he hurt you ,it's sad to say you wont be there to see it.Far better to tell him now how much he hurt you, you will then have chance to see his reaction & hopefully his remorse & his love & help for you now with what you are facing. Sending you the love & support .

You ask how to shake off the horrible feeling. Can you think of what would help you to feel better?

You could write the letter you speak of, then imagine leaving it for your DH and see how you feel about that.

You could tell him that this one thing still troubles you and that, as you stayed with him then and you are still there now, please could he be honest about it and apologise to you.

Those are my suggestions.

I suppose its part of "putting your affairs in order". I don't see anything wrong with leaving him a letter. It doesn't have to be nasty; just explain to him exactly how you felt at the time, and how you've felt since.

I have the feeling that you just want DH to be honest with you, however to achieve this, you must be honest with him.
When we all reach older life it is natural to become retrospective of our lives and relationships and things that went unsaid.
In no way am I condoning your DHs past behaviour, but many men are tempted by an attractive damsel in distress and totally flattered by the attention. But he chose you.
Please consider what you would ultimately gain by leaving him that letter?
I don't believe that you really want him to "suffer a bit". Just that you need an admission of the truth and the apology that you are entitled to.

I don't mean this to sound horrible but to leave him to find out how you feel after you're dead is cruel as he can never explain or talk it through and he may well suffer
Some questions .....was it a one off? Was it a short term one night thing or a longer relationship? Do you think he has ever strayed other than that one time ? Has he been a good husband a good provider apart from this?
How much better to have tackled him at the time got it out in the open and dealt with it one way or the other but you didn't, now you need to or it will eat you up for ever

Talk to him, don't let this ruin your life together. Do you think that he has been straight with you since that time.?If the answer is yes, there is no point festering over this as it will affect your recovery, you have to be positive. I would have been awful if had happened to me, wouldn't have let it go and the marriage would have failed. You did the right thing, he and you are still together and raised your family.vjust have the chat you might be surprised at his response.

I would confront him head on with how you have felt for all these years it is so sad that you have let it fester all this time,has he been a good husband and father since that time and if he has it would seem a shame to throw away any relationship that you now have,you are dealing with an illness and it would be far better to be spending your future years together in some sort of harmony don't you think.
If he has continued to have affairs well that is a totally different thing but do let him know how you have felt all this time he may not even realise how it has affected you.

Confront him and then divorce him.

Tell him straight .!
Be honest with him!
He may regret it too and talking about it may make you feel easier while you are dealing with your illness .