Fathers-in-Law

My father in law was a dear soul. A gentle man in every sense of the words and a man with a quiet approach but with a sense of the ridiculous and a good sense of humour which I always appreciated. He was a man of few words but very often they were very wise words. He very evidently loved my mother in law and enjoyed the presence of his grandchildren, something which I found deeply gratifying. I felt very proud when he told my husband that he thought that we had done a brilliant job in raising our four children. He died a few days after his 70th birthday some 22 years ago, but as is much missed now as he was when we first lost him.

I only met my father in law twice. He never met our children. He was a drunk, a gambler and a wife beater. He never paid a penny towards his children’s upbringing. His life was wasted. The only good thing to come out of his relationship with my husband was that he was determined to be the exact opposite of him. It worked he’s a really good man but he bears the scars of a damaged childhood.

Yes Fennel and so did mine

I think I was one of the first to say - in so many words - that I didn't like my FiL.
But my own dear Dad was so different - quiet, reserved , gentle. Maybe I expected too much.
My husband loved and respected him more than his own father.

My first fil was a bully and a hypocrite. He always used to (try) to give me big sloppy kisses which made me cringe. My mil was ruled with a rod of iron. She married him when she was only 17 and after he died, one of the things she said was "I'll be able to watch Coronation St. now!"

This thread has really made me think about how I felt about my father-in-law. He was ok I guess but not a lot to him really. For example my parents lived near the New Forest and I was telling him about the lovely walks we had done when staying there - his response? "I'd only go on a walk if there was a pub at the end of it". My own dad was such an interesting, intelligent man with a really enquiring mind that he sort of left my father-in-law in the shade. Having said that he was a lovely grandad and always ok to me...........now my mother-in-law - that's another (much longer) story

I have had two and both lived to a ripe old age. Both delightful- very kind, easy to talk to and would do anything for me. Sadly missed.

My FIL was ghastly - we used to call him "the little Lancashire tyrant." He had all the stereotypical traits of a little man - bombastic, opinionated, selfish, controlling. And racist beyond belief. And quashed his excepti9nally intelligent and well-educated wife to the point where she took to the bottle.

My OH had a miserable childhood with him - so many cruel stories I could relate.

He lived till 94 - I thought he would never go!!! That sounds dreadful - but so was he!

I had to organise his accommodation at one point later in his life, as he had decided he was going to come and live with us - NO WAY!! I was the one who had to say no to that and organise a flat for him.

He caused us no end of trouble; and is. I believe the source of my OH's lifelong anxiety.

Mine was sweet. My mother-in-law couldn't stand me. She said I was 'too quiet' (I was terrified of her actually). Father-in-law was always kind. Unfortunately he died aged 55. many years ago.

Disliked mine intensely. He was very "handy" if you know what I mean and made me very uncomfortable. Just after he died one of my SiLs told me he had sexually assaulted herself and her daughter ( his GD) Nasty man . His wife , my MiL was lovely though, very kind and gentle. I often wonder if she knew .

I have enjoyed reading these responses. With a few exceptions it seems that there are/have been some lovely men out there whose role in the family is maybe not so much spoken about, but is nevertheless valued. It's got me thinking about The Wonderful Man as a father-in-law and I know his junior in-laws hold him in very high regard. Our daughter-in-law is very relaxed with him and they have a lovely relationship and our son in law asks his advice and makes special efforts to meet up with him for leisure activities.
Funny - until I started this thread I don't think I'd ever given any real thought to what sort of father-in-law my own husband is.

Maddy629, I am so sad that your mother was how she was. You sound as if you had a loving grandmother though, even if you had to walk 10 miles to see her. It must have been lovely to have such a good relationship with your In laws as well as a good husband. I am pleased to hear it's worked out well for you. It makes my heart break to think what you and others in your position must have suffered with an unfit parent.

I loved my father in law, sadly he died in the 80's but we always got on well. I always got on well with my mother in law too. My mother was a very unfit mother. At the age of eleven I walked 10 miles to my grandmother's house in order to get away from my alcoholic, nympho mother and I never went back. It was two weeks before she realised I was missing.

I don’t actually know where in India he was posted but there were pictures of him at the Taj Mahal. I wish I had asked more questions while he was alive.....

Good on you Juggernaut for telling him "where he could shove his money" - was it where the sun doesn't shine? ?
I can see you are living up to your name - respect ?

I felt the same way about my FIL as I do my MIL. I think the word is ambivient. He was part of the family and as such I got along with him and he was always included but I never felt any real warmth for him. He was a bit of a flirt and of the old school , in that he never did anything around the house and MIL fussed around him.He was quite a successful business man but a little detached as a father and grandfather.

This thread has inspired me to find out more about him.

I never met my FiL. He died several years before DH and I were married. According to his sisters, DH is nothing like his Dad. He was his mother's son.

Gosh you've had some lovely FILs haven't you? I'm quite jealous. Mine was hopeless. An old fashioned gentleman who was superficially polite but you knew he was just being patronising. He thought of himself as a raconteur. Just a self opinionated bore really. Neither he nor my MIL showed any affection to anyone, their own children or in laws or grand children. Very sad. Left a dysfunctional family behind. DH never felt loved by either of them. Fortunately he tries his hardest to be a loving and loved DH and grandad too.

How interesting, nanahall, we need to compare notes! My daughters have his albums now, but I remember that DFIL was stationed in Bhopal and Lahore, amongst other places. We actually have no idea what he did while out there, which is sad, but I know he was in the Flying Control Section. I intend to apply for his service records, as I'd love to know more.

I never met mine, sadly but I am sure I would have liked and admired him immensely.

My FiL always wanted daughters. He had two sons. He loved to see my Sis iL and me. He died aged 92, fifteen years ago. Still a twinkle when he saw me even when he was dying. Miss his sense of humour.

My FiL is a truly horrible man!
He's mean, racist, doesn't care a damn about anyone but himself, treats my DH like filth (he doesn't treat me like muck as I avoid him like the plague) and yet expects everyone to dance attention on him.
When my MiL died, he started 'chatting up' a woman at the funeral! The woman in question (I shan't call her a lady) had been a casual aquaintance of MiL and it was common knowledge that she was 'after him' or rather 'after his money'! Two weeks after MiL's funeral, he went on holiday with this woman!
He made an absolute fool of himself over this gold digger, and when he forgot our DS's birthday (his only grandchild) because he was too busy planning yet another foreign holiday with her, DH told him that his behaviour left a little to be desired. His reaction to that was to threaten to cut DH out of his will! DH was really upset, so I went to see FiL, told him exactly what I thought of him,and where he could shove his money and have never willingly spoken to him since. If I have to see him, very, very rarely and always by accident, I'm civil, say hello, but no more than that!
He's been poisonous for the 37 years that I've known him, and apparently wasn't even a nice child!
Just because he has 'a few bob' he expects the world to revolve around him, looks down on everyone and is unpleasant to the core!

My FIL was a lovely man who had a hard life growing up with his grandparents, losing his first wife when she was very young, leaving him with DH to bring up. He remarried and sadly died just before our DS was born.

There are some lovely stories here. Luckily I had a wonderful father but never had a FIL relationship. I saw my first FIL maybe 5 or 6 times before he died (my in-laws were divorced). My second husband lost his father when he was a boy so I never met him.