Fathers-in-Law

Mine was what would be called a gentleman. I suspect Mil was very domineering and determined but, by the time I met them. Mil had had a stroke and FIL had taken early retirement from his position as a company secretary to care for her.

She was a really bossy woman but he loved her till the end and I think that dh takes after him.

I never met my father in law, he died before I met Mr C. I often wonder about his influence. He had held some radical and forward thinking views. I suspect he would have been challenging.

Mine was very sweet and gentle, his family were everything to him.
MIL was very domineering, but reading their letters ( after they had both died) he obviously thought the world of her.
He referred to her as ‘Lamb’.

Mine was a delight to know. Having had an awful childhood, spent time in care and experienced real poverty as a young man he became, in spite of all that, a loving and warm husband, father and grandfather. He wasn’t a saint but he was a really inspirational man.

grannyqueenie mine had an awful childhood too ,but he was hard work.Difficult to get on with and thought he was always right.When I met my OH ,his father told me if I was "taking his name I needed to take his religion" West of Scotland religious divide!!For years if I said it was black he said it was white ,he'd leave the room when I entered .he was a fantastic grandfather and a good Dad to his son ,helped us in many ways but I always felt he was disappointed in his sons choice of wife.Then not long before he died he said he was proud to have me as his DIL ,that his son couldn't have chosen better .I felt like a weight was lifted.I never DIS liked him just found him hard work ,he didn't want to go to my GS's christening because it was ina catholic church ...strange that I brought my children up in my husbands faith and my daughter married into mine.However he went and he was surprised that it wasn't the "mumbo jumbo" he'd thought.I spent a fair bit of time with him before he died and we rubbed along well .I was sad when he died and I miss him still 11 years later .I did learn from him NOT to give opinions on my childrens choice of partners or their lifestyles .

I’m from Glasgow myself paddyann so know just what you mean about that religious divide - it’s pernicious stuff indeed and so divisive for many families. I’m glad you had an easier relationship with your fil as the years went on and he could see past his initial prejudice, sad that you had to wait that long though. You’re right it’s not just the good stuff that we learn from!

Mine was a lovely man to me and a fabulous grandfather to my children. He was a bossy man to my MIL and made all the decisions at home but she was a difficult woman and I always had a better relationship with him than her. My ex husband was an only child and when we got married he said he now had the daughter he always wanted. He was broken when my son died, his only grandson. He died very suddenly from a massive heart attack before we could get there to see him and I still think of him with love

Couldn’t stand mine. He was a dyed in the wool racist. Thankfully his son, my DH, is nothing like him.

Mine didn't live very long after the death of my husband

My son's FiL is a wonderful man. He is caring for a very sick wife, but spends a lot of time with the Grandchildren. He takes them on buses and trains to practically every place London. He was of the generation where the wife did most of the childcare. However he sets of with buggy and nappies and goodness knows what else for their days out. The grandchildren worship him. Quite rightly.

Mine was always there in the background but I never really got to know him. After he died we found two photo albums bulging with fascinating pictures of his war years with the RAF in India, which he’d never talked about. He obviously had a huge talent for photography, and we didn’t have a clue!

My father in law was a lovely old fashioned English gentleman who sacrificed a lot to care for his wife. The first time I visited he took me into the garden to show me how he was dealing with slugs! He loved to play board games with his grand children. He was always lovely to me ( so was my MiL who was very good at biting her tongue).

My MiL died just months after we married so FiL was left alone. The world around him had changed so much and he really didn't understand it. He was 39 before he became a father which was very old in those days.

He didn't have a bank account, wouldn't get into debt so wouldn't buy his council house. He trusted everyone which was often to his disadvantage e.g when the council sent someone to put insulation in his loft he let the 'nice young lad' take away his parents' dinner service which was so old it wasn't any use!

He didn't understand why my name was on the house deeds because "she won't work to pay off her half" but that wasn't nasty, it was just his understanding of the world.

He came to accept that he didn't understand us and loved his grandchildren to bits although I am not sure who was looking after who when they went to the shop to buy sweets! DS1 said that he stopped Grandad getting run over!

One day he told DH that I was making a very good job of bringing up the boys which upset DH a bit but it was probably true that I did all the parenting at that time.

He died in our house, had been poorly so DH brought him to stay with us and it was as simply as a light bulb going off, quick and painless for which we will always be grateful. We were expecting DS3 and were not sure how he felt about that but his neighbour told us he was over the moon.

He was difficult to understand but I loved him.

What a lovely thing to say about him. He sounds a very special man and you are very lucky to have him as your friend and father in law.

He sounds like a lovely man and how nice of you to share it with us. However mine was a cad abit like Arthur Daley ducking and diving.

My mother left my father and had a string of 'boyfriends' of varying types. One of them she stayed with for 14 years and he was the nicest man you could meet. He was kind, good, funny and never resented my sister and I but welcomed us into his family. He died this year and will be sadly missed.

I only saw my in-laws every other weekend when H and I first met due to the distance between theirs and my parent'¥56s house (H and I both still living at home) H then moved to my town and we saw even less of them. He had never been a well man and was unable to work by then. He was very quiet, and I don't remember ever having a conversation with him. All I know about him is what H has told me. He died nearly 40 yrs ago a few years after H and I married.

I had the most wonderful FIL. He was a typical West of Scotland man, a thoroughly decent man, but not prone to showing affection. He had eight children and was definitely the "boss". His word was law.
However, for some reason he took to me and showed more affection and kindness to me than to either his children or my SILs.
When I wanted to go back to go back to teaching when my children were of school age, he encouraged me when my own mother told me it was a "lot of nonsense" and I should be at home for my children.
He offered to look after my children after school to allow me to do a post grad, even although it meant a fair walk and a bus journey. My own father, much older than my mother, never showed me any affection, but my FIL treated me like his own daughter. I, in return, loved him as a father. By enabling me to go back to work he allowed us to give our children a much more comfortable life, but most of all, saved my sanity, as I felt I had wasted my degree and felt my brain was turning to mush.

Unfortunately I didn't have the privilege as he died not long before our wedding. I did find him a very gentle, interesting and stimulating person in our short acquaintanceship.

My FIL was a very straight talking no nonsense man who thought the world of his wife whom he'd met when she was 16. He was born in the US but his mother left her husband and brought him and his sister back to the UK when he was a baby - we never found out why as she would never talk about it when he was a child but it was a very brave thing to do back in the early 20's so there must have been a good reason. He grew up in the midlands and joined the army at 18 - was a tank commander, involved in the D-Day landings, the liberation of one of the concentration camps and then went on to serve in Korea. A year before he passed away my husband took him and met up with our adult sons at the tank museum in Bovington where he fascinated all those around him with explanations of how the displays really should be and where they'd got the parts in the wrong places as he had obviously been there and done that! When they went to lunch the staff wouldn't let them pay - they said it was such a privilege to have had a veteran in their company! He was not sentimental and sometimes drove my MIL mad especially when he dug up her flowerbeds to grow veg but he was a special person and we miss him as we do my own dad who was a wonderful FIL to my husband.

Mine can be great at times. He's genuinely there to help without any self gain behind his helping. But he is a different person when he's had a few and it does happen regularly. He becomes racist and a know it all. That's when I walk away because I can't handle that.

I also do not like the way he speaks to his wife. Like condescending.
Even though I don't get on with her, I still think he doesn't speak nicely to his wife and he should.

Thank you all for these beautiful memories and tributes to these wonderful men. It's heartwarming and a nice change from the sadness in the news.

My FiL opposed our marriage so vehemently that he and my DH nearly came to blows about it. He felt it would bring shame on the family for one of his sons to marry a white woman. (DH’s family are Asians from Uganda.) Two of his other three sons then married Englishwomen too!

Until we had kids, he used to walk out of a room if we walked in. Then he mellowed a bit, but he has always refused to visit our house. He had only been once, for half an hour, to pay his respects when my mum died. (He never met her - Mum only met my MiL once, when the latter came to see our new baby. MiL has visited us 3 times- once for each baby and once with FiL when Mum died.)

My in laws are in their 80s now and very frail. I used to feel resentful and often annoyed by their attitudes towards our family. Now I feel sorry for them, and find myself in the odd position of asking my husband to be patient with them. (He helps them as much as he can, but sometimes gets exasperated by their constant phone calls.) I’ve known them now for more than 40 years but still don’t feel I know them. It’s sad but you can’t force a relationship. I do feel that my girls missed out on a close and loving relationship with their granddad, as he never took a lot of interest or showed them affection, but that’s life.

Wow the men seem miles ahead of the MILs.