Marriage over on wedding anniversary

Think of this as a gift to yourself. Wishing you the very best of LUCK

Definitely not your fault, and I hope you will be able to get some support somewhere because you need to start putting yourself first from now onwards. As some of the others have said, make sure you have a special day tomorrow with lots of indulgent treats just for you - you really deserve it.
Happy Birthday for tomorrow, and this is the start of your new life - who knows what is round the corner. Good luck

You will never change him. Even if he gives up there is always the fear he will start again, and most do. I have been on my own for 20 years and they are the happiest ever. No more verbal and physical abuse, no more trying to hide the truth from family and friends, no more shame. What I have got now is safety, piece of mind, money in the bank and the ability to go where I want, do that I want, and be happy. I wish you everything I have. Living on my own is the best thing ever. We are hardwired to think we need a partner. Everyone thinks you must be sad and lonely. I laugh to myself because I never have to do so anything I don't want to. Cherish your friends and family. Their love is so much more honest than an alcoholics. They only love the bottom of the whisky bottle.

Given what you've said, you've definitely made a good decision. Today is the start of a new, safer, life. Happy Birthday!?

Good luck.

Am I correct in thinking that even when your husband was not drinking, he was still unpleasant and abusive?

It's time for you, to think of you. Consider your birthday the start of your new life. It must seem daunting looking to the near future - you will cope. I coped. Other posters here have coped.

I believe that at first there is a feeling of grief, for the loss of what 'might have been'. 'What Might Have Been' didn't happen and you are now doing the right thing.

When I left my husband I was elated. Some time later I sat in the doctor's office weeping. Dr told me that it was grief for what 'might have been'. The sorting out of everything had kept me going i.e. selling the house, buying a new one, taking care of my son. When things had settled I came to think that 26 years had been wasted and got a bit blue at the waste. It didn't last long. All I had needed really was a shoulder to lean on.

You are too special to be the butt of someone's elses misery and bad attitude.
Time really does make things better.
Be kind to yourself.
Do you have a friend in real life who can give you a real life hug.

You did the right thing.

You e given it your best and he didn't realise what he had .you are a brave woman and you will get through this but don't let him drag you down you still have a life give it time then move on and enjoy it x

Out of all these many posts only 2 have tried to talk you out of your decision. I have been where you are and I say the same as the majority GO and fly high. You will feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you can now live every day free from someone who drags you down, blames you and makes you tread on egg shells daily waiting for the next relapse. No one who has been in that position would ever try and persuade you to stay and live that half life. A relationship is about both people being equal, loved and respected and when one is an addict, that will never happen, so why would you give up your hopes and aspirations for a good and peaceful life. You are worth so much more. Love doesn't even come into it, you are living with an abuser, and just how many chances do you have to give someone who will ultimately let you down time and time again. These men even have a set script they work from “ it’s your fault I drink” being the most prolific. Just remember us women are like teabags, we don’t know how strong we are until we are in hot water !!

Mine wasn't drink, but gambling. After 9 years we finally came to the parting of the ways and my decree absolute came through on our 10th anniversary. Somehow that made matters worse - I'd tried so hard to make it work and felt a failure. But until he gets his life in order and wants to stop, you can do nothing, so I agree that you have made the right decision. Happy birthday and a great future.

PS. Forgot to wish you Happy Birthday. New beginnings.

How incredibly brave and terrribly painful. From what you have said it is the right decision but that is so easily said and so very, very hard to do. In a few months/years you will know that this was the right decision. But it will be hard getting there. I do so hope you have lovely and loving people around you to support you through this time. Welcome to the first days of your new life.

It's not your fault! We are all responsible for our own lives. You have taken responsibility for yours in ending the relationship that was toxic for your own mental well being. He should have taken responsibility for his if he thought he drank because of you. He should have walked away. Obviously he's blaming you because he can't admit it's his own fault. Enjoy the rest of your life and although it's sad and painful,forget him.

Well done Denil. It's very very difficult to do. I made the same decision and ended a relationship some time ago, but still think on it. You will have had good times as well as the bad. Think on those. It's a very difficult emotional personal time. I found minfulness apps helped and I'm now in a much better emotional place. Look up old friends, make new and concentrate on moving on. If you were with me now I would give you a very big hug x

Look at your birthday as a rebirth...the start of a new life an celebrate that. Good luck.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You have made the right decision now stick to it and don't be persuaded to give him another chance. My friend went through exactly the same thing and it almost destroyed her.

That's sad but you need to say goodbye to him as its your birthday make that a brand new start for you I wish you good luck and new happiness X

You have 100% done the right thing - I know from experience from my first husband alcoholics rarely change and I had to get out with three small children and little money so it can be done. I never looked back ones own sanity is priceless you deserve a happy and peaceful life do not let this man destroy you. Concentrate on yourself now, you deserve it. Happy Birthday for tomorrow and as others have said the start of a much happier and fulfilled future.

???Happy Birthday???- a friend really benefited from AL Anon that works with the family’s of alcoholics. They gave her support to break away and help her understand her behaviour.

Try to enjoy your birthday.??

There will be dark days, but you will survive, us women are strong.

Dear Denil you have done the right thing
From today think of going forward
Think of yourself and your wellbeing
He does not deserve you and don’t let him have the power to destroy your life.
Good luck
Iv been through it myself and now the sun shines every single day x

Alcoholism is an illness. It can be treated. However the alcoholic needs support. Families can attend support meetings. Please do not write this individual off. He has shown that he can maintain. There will be triggers that set off a repeat pattern. So in order to support the individual, family members need to know likely triggers and what to do. Alcoholics Anonymous will help all affected.

Denil - you know you have made the right decision, but it's very hard to realise that you invested 11 years in something so painful. My second husband wasn't an alcoholic, but he was a control freak and made 8 years of my life a living hell. I didn't have the courage to end it, due to his threats and abuse, but when he died I felt such freedom (and guilt, for a long time.)

I'm now very happily married (16 years) to a man who has made me see that life can be really good. You now have the chance to discover that for yourself. Be strong and carry on with your life, rather than waiting for him to change.

Make your birthday the first day of your new start. I wish you all the best, and I hope you have a guilt-free birthday.

Best birthday you can give yourself - getting rid of him - stay strong - seek help and support if needed - happy times ahead for you - good luck

Right decision, new life all the very best

You've made for for an amazing new person to enter your life. Embrace it!