Lazy husband......

Sadly life is never fair Cabbie at least you only had an hour of not speaking. I can keep it up much longer than that.

DH and I ended up not speaking for an hour today. He cooked last night, a rarity, and I kept out of the kitchen. The only thing I did was to wipe the ceramic hob down afterwards, which I take care of.
This morning I found loads of mess in the sink, in the washing up bowl, and grains of rice, peas etc all over the floor. He didn’t like it when I had a go at him and tried to turn the tables on me.
I have to remind him of jobs he has agreed to do eg the bins or occasionally peel the potatoes. He does the garden, but Being winter he has not done anything in the garden for ages but he really does not do a fair share.
Life is not fair,

Further to my posts above, not much has changed. DH will hoover if asked but doesn’t seem to see for himself that it needs doing and sort out the dishwasher. Other things are still ignored. The other day I was going out and he said ‘is there anything needs doing ? ‘
I said there was some ironing and the bathroom could do with a going over. Came home , they were not touched. He will happily trot down to the town to get small amounts of shopping and is good at repairing things but is very selective as to what he is willing to do.

40years together and I realise that he is not going to change but then neither am I! So he is untidy and does very little on the domestic front and I'm the domestic goddess or the scivvy depending on how my mood affects my perceptions.
But
I can choose to nurse resentment or to see all the ways he blesses me....
I've learned to lean towards the latter ...

Too soon !
about him taking on his share of the housework. He suggested a list but my feeling is that he is a grown man who is perfectly capable of realising when a top needs wiping, a floor needs sweeping or hoovering, veg need peeling etc. Chores lists are for Mums to leave for Boys. I am not married to a boy. I think we are gradually getting there.

Lunch was interested in seeing how many of you recommend written lists.
DH and I had a long discussion , now that he has retired

It's the hunter gatherer thing. Women: gatherer. She comes into a room and sees the dog mess on the floor and the cobwebs on the ceiling, the missing jigsaw piece under the settee and Deals With It. Man: hunter. Comes into room and sees settee and sits on it. Only sees things that are moving or are in the centre of their line of sight. (hence the butter in the fridge phenomenon)

This is not an argument in their favour, definitely not. Have had a good laugh at all your descriptions.

I reckon a lot of it is down to their mothers. Or circumstances. Or personalities.
Mothers. If they don’t train their sons to help around the house, it is not going to suddenly happen later on.
Circumstances. My DH was a single dad for a while so had to get on with it.He still does more than most, but under his own terms. Lists work!
Personalities. My son is OCD about putting his clothes away, exactly in a specific order. He is the best cook I know, really well organised, highly competent. I don’t take credit for this, it is his nature. Grandson no 2, aged 10, my daughter’s son will make someone a fantastic husband. He likes to tidy up. He takes on responsibilities gladly. He is sensitive to his mum’s needs and looks after her.

Having said all that I could still have quite a rant about some of them from time to time!

My husband works under instructions sometimes.
The one thing I insist he does each year is arrange the road tax, insurance and service for the cars.
I remember one year I was driving around for about 6 weeks with the old road tax on the car.
I still have to remind him even now but still insist he takes responsibility for it otherwise that would be another job I would have to do.
He drives me crazy as he is so lay back.

My husband has to be told what jobs need doing as I work and apart from a Sunday roast can never plan a meal .His mother brought him up to do nothing in the house just treated all 3men like little boys while she fan ragged around them .

Thank you all ladies, loved every post. Some excellent ideas there, the list would work best. Probably stick it to the TV screen ? Seriously, he is a lovely man and my rock. He's had stroke which has affected his "wiring" to some extent. My son is exactly the opposite, he was trained well from an early age! DH is brilliant with the iron and does fancy himself as a bit of a cook. He has expressed the desire for one of those massive Aga things. You could cook for Africa on those things. I shall die a death of drowning in soup! (His speciality). He can make several varieties but with an Aga he could, and probably would, go flat out and make the lot! We are lucky, we have each other and are thankful for that. I am equally thankful that we do not have a gas cooker or fire. Have a wonderful day ladies, we are now off to the shops. (Different time zone as we live abroad) ???? for you all c

Thank you MesMopTop I laughed til I cried - I read this out to my DH - we were both in bits!! Made my day Xx

I’ve just been watching Last of the Summer Wine. Nora Batty and her cronies, including the Thora Hird character, were discussing their husbands, and it was just like this thread!

MesMopTop you've forgotten that you woman him man
now that you know, start again.

These posts made me laugh out loud and set me up for the day.Most men must be the same they need a list!
Great to see the funny side!
Thanks MesMopTop.

Having worked part time and now been ‘retired’ for 10 years I have been the housekeeper.

Recently retired DH seems totally flummoxed that it’s actually me that has washed, ironed cleaned, cooked shopped etc. He is not enjoying the fact that all these things are now considered by me to be a joint venture.

So I am not alone! Yes I think men need to be given very clear instructions about chores. And my DH likes me to tell him what is going to happen each day. He would never suggest going out for a meal somewhere.
I think this is why armies are made up of men rather than women as they are more menable to being given orders.

My ex needed a map to find the kitchen. Once he cooked a full English (for himself) and the gas was on high for the entire scenario. You can imagine the fat splattering everywhere and of course the live in maid, me, had to clean it up.

MesMopTop
Thank you soooo much for the laugh. I was trying to read it all to my OH but couldn't get the words out, tears rolling down my face.
You should write.

Your husband needs a list made say 3 jobs for each of 5 days. 15 in all. Put up a weekly plan on the kitchen notice board and have him tick them off. May be put in his favourite TV programmes so he can work round them.

A while ago I asked DH to bring aubergines when he was fetching some stuff from our local store. I'd seen them a couple of days previously. I suppose I should have known what would happen. He returned and told me they hadn't got any. When I went later that day, they had miraculously reappeared!

On another occasion I'd asked for mangoes and he returned with butternut squash.

I expect I'll learn one day....

It's called 'the butter in the fridge syndrome' moonbeames

Women never get this affliction.

If you treat them like children they will behave like children. Don’t put up with it.

Loved this post, it made me chuckle as well. I thought you were in my house when you described your husband. Mine is exactly the same. If he cant find something he will open the cupboard and shut it and say its not in there. I go and open the cupboard and I find it. He has to have a list as well on the fridge. If I don't have a list or suggest he does something around the place he is happy to sit there all day and read the paper or watch tv. He loves it. He loves the History channel the best. I even went up to him the other day and said, "you realize that Hitler lost the war don't you" He has watched it all over and over, loves it. He is happy I suppose he deserves to be retired after all those years working and so do I. I am still working part-time, if I didn't I would be up for murder as well. So nice to vent, thanks ladies, looks like we are normal. Very funny posts!

Thank goodness for a utility room - shoes all lined up in there ready for me to fall over.