My parents-in-law were great people and so are my sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law. Lets hear it for the silent majority.

I was a divorcee with a child when I was introduced to my future parents in law. FiL gave me a huge hug, mil looked me up and down and kept an eye on me. We grew to love and like each other. They were good people and loving parents in law and grandparents. My husband had loving relationships with his parents, as I did with mine. We became a loving extended family and counted our blessings.
We have one son in law and one "we'll get married eventually' son in law to be. Both love our daughters are good fathers and get on well with us.
Family relationships can be a challenge but they can also the best . Good OP Elegran

The people who come on here to talk about unsatisfactory family relationships are often stressed and upset. They need to vent those feelings and, hopefully, to get some words of comfort and understanding, and possibly some advice from other people.

I think it goes without saying that, whilst some family relationships can be fraught with difficulties, others are perfectly happy. I don't understand why it is felt necessary for lots of people to attest to their satisfaction with their own family situation.

I think it is true that the media tends to hone in on the bad stuff - troublesome relationships included - but that applies to almost everything, not just family matters. It not only frequently presents older people in a bad light but also young people, foreign people, public service workers, etc. etc. etc. In fact stirring up one group against another seems to be the raison d'être of some media outlets.

Your own last paragraph explains why it is necessary for those with good relationships to attest to them. I felt it DID need saying, and others seem to agree with me. People also need to say more about the other aspects of their lives which the media seem to like to use to set one generation against another. Otherwise they are just meekly accepting indiscriminate blame for the faults of a minority.

In my original post I said that if there is friction in the family dynamic, it is posted about (and others with the same experience join in and offer adevice) If there is not, nothing is said. The result is that a Martian reading the forum would get the impression that ALL or MOST inlaws are selfish and domineering - which is a long way from the truth. Those who are can cause a great deal of suffering, but that doesn't make them a majority.

There have been many threads about toxic inlaws (and birth parents too), but this is the very first thread on Gransnet about well-loved inlaws who are the very opposite of toxic. It is quite separate from any of the threads seeking advice and support in dealing with problem relationships.

Elegran bravo I agree with you that this thread is a fantastic idea. I would also like to see more grans that aren't estranged contribute to those threads by grans that are. At the moment, the only advice these people are getting is from others that have been unable to maintain healthy family relations and sometimes when I see those posts I think the advice given is awful.

It definitely needed saying Elegran. We fell out with my MiL (who we loved dearly) when she tried to take over when my DD1 was born and I had undiagnosed PND. She did her best, we did our best, but it happened. Her relationship with my own DM helped work it through, it took a couple of years, but their friendship meant we came back together as a family in the end.

I am blessed that all my DC have choosen lovely partners and (with the odd hiccup) we all get on well. I just wish there was a proper term for the other In-Laws. Having to say my daughters in-laws or my son-in-laws mother just familiar enough.

The problem with posting only about about difficult or toxic relationships is that gradually they come to be seen as the norm. This may then influence others’ perceptions of their own relationships, leading them to imagine major difficulties when what they are experiencing is actually only the rough and tumble of normal family relationships.
Of course, if reading about other people’s real difficulties stops rows escalating, or makes people grateful for what they do have, it may be a good thing.
But social media can give a very unbalanced and inaccurate picture of what is going on not only in family life but in other spheres such as politics too.
Speaking as a member of the silent majority.

My MIL was wonderful and partly for geographical reasons, partly because Dad had poor health but also because she could just drop everything and BE there, was regularly the one I turned yo in a crisis. Brought up as a farmers daughter she was unfailingly hospitable, always upbeat with a basis of sound common sense.
My lovely FIL was a charismatic, intelligent and remarkable man, ostensibly a diplomat but with a career in “the Office”behind him and we got on very well indeed. None of which made me love my own parents less either.
I adore my thre SILs who are everything you could want in a son or son in law and am also very fond of and good friends with all three sets of parents.
But good news doesn’t rank as news does it?

nfk I think the term you’re looking for is ‘co-grandparents’. Though it does sound a bit technical.
I agree with you about the value of friendship between the co-grandparents.
We only met our American co-grandparents days before DS’s wedding, but over the years we have become good friends. DS’s MiL in particular has been kindness & generosity personified, fully realising how hard it is for us only seeing our GDCs once or twice a year.
It makes me sad to read some of the posts where people complain of being sidelined by the other GPS and jealousy between them.

Think you have it in a nutshell there MawBroon good news is not interesting. Don't understand why there can't be cheerful threads as well Eleothan

I’ve always got on with my SiL and DiL. In fact since the former lost his mother, suddenly and tragically, a couple of years ago we’ve been especially close. The DiL can be a bit grumpy, as can my own daughter, now and again, but I just carry on as if I’ve not noticed and then everything’s fine next time we meet. That’s life!

We have great family get togethers as my grandchildren have the best and closest cousin relationship ever. The little ones are quite happy to hold their big boy cousin’s hands when he collects them from primary school and he doesn’t mind his mates seeing this.

PS My Sister in Law is my best friend. We’ve know each other for over 50 years now and are there for each other whatever happens.

I too, was blessed with a wonderful mil, we loved each other to bits, very much still miss her, have a terrific sil, my dd met him on holiday, we live in the south and he lived up north, how's that going to work I thought, so glad it did, he's one of the good guys, also have lovely dil, also from up north, maybe it's the mix of both that works so well!

ffinnochio said something which really resonates with me upthread
I’d love to meet them again, as I am now
I hope they would feel that I took the best possible care of and gave the best possible marriage to their much loved eldest son.
And they would have adored their great grandchildren, just as they adored their granddaughters.

I had a lovely mother in law, widowed by the time I married her son, whom I loved as dearly as my own Mum. She never made us feel obliged to visit, but was always delighted when we did. She was great fun, and just the loveliest person you could wish to meet. I miss her still. My daughter in law is lovely too, and I am trying very hard to be a good Mum-in-Law!

I had a decidedly good relationship with my MiL. It was mutually respectful and warm but never verged on cuddly. Unfortunately FiL to be died before our wedding but we had a fine bonhomie during our engagement time.

I love these so happy stories .
I have tears of envy in my eyes while reading them.
You are all very blessed and I hope you appreciate it.

My in laws from my first marriage are truly wonderful people and despite divorcing their son we stayed very close until they died. I had far better parenting from them that from my own parents and I miss them dreadfully. I also got on very well with OHs lovely mother.

My son and daughter in law are also wonderful people who I love to bits. I pay my DDiL to stay as I cannot cope with the thought of DS without her! (Not really, family joke).

I am very, very blessed and fortunate.

My DIL is like the daughter I never had. We are really close. I have also become close friends with her mum. I get invited to all the family "do's" even to her cousins wedding. I have been on my own for a long while and this is like having a whole new family. I realise that I am very lucky, and I really appreciate them all

I met my son's future father in law and his wife for the first time taking granddog for a walk park. We ended up on a see saw trying to bump each other off crying tears fo laughter. We became firm friends, spent holidays christmas and all family occasions together enjoying our first joint grandson and his sister. We were family. Sadly the kids divorced and we don't see much of each other as new families evolve and it is difficult due to circumstances of the breakup. However when we do meet we have our arms round each other - other Nan cried last time as she said she missed our family so much! Yes love springs up in funny places and it takes warm hearts and forgiveness to get over hurts especially to DC. have a lovely Christmas all

Totally agree in fact my son in law says we treat hom as a son more than his parents

I am extremely lucky and am very close to my daughter and 2 sons, who all have lovely partners. I am also close to all 5 grandchildren, and can talk to any of them about anything. None of us are perfect parents but I have taught my children to be able to voice any angst without shouting and swearing, and also to respect others feelings and opinions. The reason I particularly focussed on this is because of the constant nagging, interfering and opinions, of my own Mum. She caused so many issues with my ex, and my siblings partners etc, because she just can’t stop herself and is still the same now aged 87. There are many things we do not tell her because it just opens the floodgates for her to start telling others how they should and shouldn’t lead their lives, I was worn out with it. It is sad but I tried so hard for years to get some approval instead of criticism, but just gave up in my 40’s and now I just don’t care what she thinks. I accepted that she will never change and unfortunately she misses out on so much family time because of her dogmatic ways.

My PiL have been absolutely horrible to us! It's nothing new though, they were lousy parents to my DH, MiL was happy to state she'd never wanted children and he'd 'ruined her figure'!
MiL is long gone, but FiL is still with us and is, to be honest, a waste of space!
However, my DH had a fabulous relationship with my DM, my DF died when we'd only been married for 3 years, but during that time they also got on really well.
Really, my DM was the mother DH deserved but didn't get!
In fact there were times when I think she liked him a lot more than she did me

Even on a positive thread people can't help being negative

All relationships are good here and we know that we are very fortunate for it to be so.

I have never liked the term in laws. We have gained an extra son and an extra daughter - both are lovely people. Our AC chose well.

The Maori's in NZ use the word 'whānau' which refers to all the people that you choose to have in your family; they do not have to be blood relatives. We are fortunate to have a large whānau

Best DiL in world. My sister says she has 3 best DiLs in world.

We argue about it, which could lead to family rift. No, no, joke alert.