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Unexpected consequences of moving home...

(44 Posts)
sandelf Tue 05-Dec-17 11:45:17

We moved to a new area and a new house. The house is too big for me to manage easily alone so he has to take a part in the routine of keeping the place shipshape. This much fairer set up which I never would have dared to push for before has given me time! And the courage to live my own life rather than shadow 'his'. I go swimming, do Pilates etc. I have become involved in lots to do with improving my new home town. Anyone else's life changed unexpectedly through moving or some other change?

vampirequeen Tue 05-Dec-17 11:55:16

Well done on gaining time and finding yourself. Not the same but my life changed when I escaped from the ex. I expected the change but not the wonderful way it's turned out.

Smileless2012 Tue 05-Dec-17 13:14:22

Moving just over a year ago was the best thing we could have done sandelftchsmile. After 4 years of living just yards from our son who estranged himself from us and wouldn't allow us to see our GC, we took the decision to leave the house we'd lived in for 28 years in the village we'd lived in for 30.

We also have a big house, bigger than the one we moved fromtchhmm, a 15 minute walk from the beach, 5 minute walk from a beautiful park and within walking distance of some lovely restaurants.

Our neighbours are lovely and have become really good friends. We now have peace and happiness which we never thought we'd have again. It's simply wonderful.

I'm so pleased that your move has worked out so well for you. Enjoy Christmas in your new hometchsmile.

Anniebach Tue 05-Dec-17 13:44:20

A year ago I was looking forward to moving house in January, all seemed so positive. Eleven months on, a truly grim eleven months .

So pleased it proved right for you both x x

Smileless2012 Tue 05-Dec-17 14:23:27

Annieflowersand despite all that you've been through you, here you are expressing your happiness for others. I hope and pray that the new year brings you peace. God bless xx

Anniebach Tue 05-Dec-17 14:50:50

Smileless, learning of the happiness of others is wonderful , proves the world is not all gloom and doom, and it isn't 😀

Smileless2012 Tue 05-Dec-17 15:02:04

No it isn't Annie and it does us all good to recognise that from time to time, if not all of the timetchsmile.

Day6 Tue 05-Dec-17 15:57:43

Annie I echo Smileless's sentiments. Life has been so hard on you for some time. I wish you a change of fortune and some peace from suffering.

My long term partner and I bought a place together a few years ago, and moved away from the town we knew to a smaller, more rural place. The house is lovely and we are happy. We are still exploring but the ties/duty/problems/joy of family call us back frequently to what was home for us both, as do our friends, ex colleagues and social functions and the odd committee I sit on, so we are doing a lot more driving! I am winding down my volunteering ties too but hope to get involved with concerns in our new town, in time.

We are both very aware we need to get out more and join things and make new friends. Our lack of contacts in our new home town could become a problem. I have health worries so am having to constantly visit new hospitals and clinics. I feel less secure in some ways. I am also very aware now that we live together that I NEED time alone and that solitude, occasionally, is precious to me. I try not to allow his agenda to get on my nerves! grin I am sure my constant presence might bother him too but he is good at not showing it! grin

I guess I am learning how to share, compromise and get out of my comfort zone a bit. That's what moving has taught me.

Anniebach Tue 05-Dec-17 16:30:45

Day, do see what in your new town interests you, then you will meet new people, you can still keep your old friends .

Thank you for your kind words, I have a little book of sayings I had years ago from Caldey Island. Read one every night, one I like -

If you are always in the sun you are in the desert . 😀

Day6 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:41:52

Ha ha! I like that Annie. smile
It is so true. We can view our lives in many lights, can't we?

Anniebach Tue 05-Dec-17 16:58:34

We can Day 😀 X

mollie Tue 05-Dec-17 17:24:00

We moved 80 miles away for a fresh start a year ago and it has been a positive move. Although we lived in the middle of a big, busy city I felt very isolated but now we live in an isolated village and I’m happy as a sandboy! I’m busy exploring our new county, meeting up regularly with my GN friend (who has been a huge help) and generally making a life for myself at last. The added bonus is one difficult relationship has improved and those ‘friendships’ that weren’t working have come to natural conclusions. We don’t see the family so much but when we do it’s much more fun than before.

NfkDumpling Tue 05-Dec-17 17:37:37

flowers Annie. I love that quote. Very apt.

GrandmaMoira Tue 05-Dec-17 18:44:37

My life has changed this year as I am living alone for the first time ever, which is a major life change not really planned by me, but I love it.

DanniRae Tue 05-Dec-17 23:09:31

Annie - I like "If it's meant for you it won't pass you by" but my latest saying that I use frequently is "It is what it is".

Anniebach Wed 06-Dec-17 05:24:19

Danni, I don't agree that unhappiness is meant for anyone, things happen, good or bad, no one is singled out for one or the other.

JackyB Wed 06-Dec-17 06:31:10

When my children left home, I was very surprised by the change that made to my finances. For 20 years I had always been in the red at the end of the month - now I can afford to put some aside each month. (not that it gets me anywhere with the present interest rates)

thecatgrandma Wed 06-Dec-17 08:02:47

No-one should ever feel they have to ‘shadow’ someone else’s life, I’d have got rid of him well before wasting years doing that. But never too late to do something positive, I wonder what his take on it is?!

sarahellenwhitney Wed 06-Dec-17 10:20:56

Thirty years ago a move 300 miles from my roots to a different environment, changed my life completely. I often wonder if I did the right thing. I will never know. All I can think of now is my life so good that I have these thoughts.?

SaraC Wed 06-Dec-17 10:35:39

Well now ... left very damaged (and damaging ...) man last year having (just about ..) survived a marriage of 38 years; moved from the UK to Australia (on my own) four months ago - living closer to daughter and two little GC’s (son now only a 4.5 hour flight away). Working at building new friendships, joining interest groups, looking for work (job interview tomorrow 😳) cope with the climate (it’s VERY hot!) and trying to settle into a workable/mutually respectful family relationship (which, with H’s influence, has got pretty damaged along the way ....) All pretty hard work/tiring, but I’m in a lovely little rental house, nice neighbours and there are definitely, on balance, more good days than bad now! Have no idea what the future will hold, I’m just grateful I’ve almost got through 2017 with, hopefully, a more settled year ahead!

MawBroon Wed 06-Dec-17 10:37:35

It is always good to read positive news.
“Nothing comes from nothing” (Sound of Music)
So good luck to all whose lives are taking an upward stepsmile
I’d rather not comment on how my life has changed completely

sandelf Wed 06-Dec-17 10:37:38

Wow - so lovely to hear other people's experiences. But to Anniebach a GN hug. It has not been all S&L for us - spent a big part of our first year on op's and chemo, and learnt more than anyone wants to about our new area's hospitals and clinics. Re the 'shadowing' don't know how I slipped into it - the examples of older female relatives, and the mores of the times I guess - anyway no need to now, grown a backbone! smile

hulahoop Wed 06-Dec-17 10:38:45

Good luck for tomorrow saraC.

SaraC Wed 06-Dec-17 10:49:51

Thank you!

DeeWBW Wed 06-Dec-17 11:00:29

My life went the opposite way, hitting so low that I couldn’t work out why I was getting out of bed. I went from being a gregarious, professional woman in the UK, who was noted for never standing still for a single moment, to what is there to get up for in the outback of Spain and a ‘does it matter what I wear’ attitude, as I’m not going to see any other humans.
Arriving in Spain in February 2006, the first six months were so strange, as I didn’t need a diary. A year later, by default, I ended up teaching English over the phone to Spanish bankers in Madrid. I think that that work of twenty eight hours a week blinded me to the fact that there was nothing for me in North-West Spain, as I was speaking English those twenty hours every week and so was, in effect, still in England.
I finished the job in 2011 as, due to having a problem with my eyes, I decided I needed to get out and live, rather than sitting there at my desk.
And it was then it hit me.
There was nowhere to go, nobody to visit and no-one to talk to. We had to get in a car to find another English person and, though I spoke very good Spanish, our neighbours spoke what I refer to as Geordie Spanish – the rest of Spain don’t understand them. So we bought a house back in the north-east of England (where they speak proper Geordie, might I add) and we are currently between two houses.
I am back to being me and it is so wonderful to see that I didn’t lose the person I was, as I used to like me and seemed to have lost that feeling in the Spanish outback.

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