Is it safe these days and should I try it?

Don't usually watch afternoon tv but am I being cynical after seeing two adverts for loans at APR 1295.5% in thinking that these firms are really trying to cash in on families who may be struggling with the extra bills at Christmas?

After talking to my niece about her online dating experience she said be careful on POF. Avoid anyone who doesn’t have a photo,can’t put a proper sentence together,has one professional looking photo only and their physical description doesn’t match their photo. She says she also blocks men that can’t do better then just a one word greeting. or gives their email or phone number in the first message or wanting yours. Sounds smart to me.

I went on several dating sites years ago and none of them came to anything - just the usual scammers/ one-night-standers/conmen etc. I gave it up altogether for about two years and then gave it another go this time with zero expectations. I met my partner almost straight away and we have been together ever since. I would add he was only on there because one of his friends set it all up for him -he would never have done anything on his own! So, proof you can find someone on line but it might take a long time to find anybody suitable. I would add the following warnings: if anyone asks for money that is why they are on the site and you should immediately block them forever; you cannot "fall in love" on line and must meet someone in person to know whether there is any chemistry. Stick to those rules and you might be lucky but don't forget there are lots of other ways to meet people too.

I mentioned (above) that I met my OH online. Just told him about this thread and his advice is "Don't try it! Look what happened to me "
Have to say he is smiling and looking very contented. Love him to bits!

1moleta3 what do you mean 'sandies'???

I have met people online dating. Never a meaningful relationship sadly but do know people who have. Definitely give it a go. Seems like you've had some great advice on staying safe, there are some shady characters but not everybody is like that! Good luck ?

Many many thanks to all of you for giving me such caring advice. I am very touched by it, really! I will do some homework and might just have a go! Best wishes in return to you all and a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year! x

Misty I can't recommend an internet dating site for you as I live on the other side of the world, however I did meet my lovely husband online. I'd belonged to the site for two years and was about to give up when I met my OH. That "one last try" has been well worth it!

All the advice given above has been good and you really have to make sure you wear your sceptical spectacles when reading about someone or meeting them. So many of the men I met were "sandies" as one poster said and many of them had posted younger pictures of themselves and lied about their age. Some men told me they'd been caught out by women doing that too.

It's really silly to post a younger picture of yourself on line as you are lying to prospective partners. Not a good start to a relationship, I think.

I was 59 when I met my OH who is 3 years younger than I and we've been together 9 years, married for 5. We truly are very happy.

One of my relations met his lovely wife through the Guardian soulmates, and a young woman I know met her lovely husband that way too. She told me that at first she took it all too seriously , and hoped too much from each meeting, so she nearly gave up. Then she saw it was better to treat it in a light hearted way, and just see what happened, with no need to be disappointed , or to hope each time "this could be the one!" So based on her experience, and advice, I'd say go for it!

I have a relation who met his lovely wife through The Guardian Soulmates, and also a younger friend who met her lovely husband that way too. I think go for it - take all the sensible precautions - and regard it as something interesting and hope it will also be fun - at least sometimes! From talking to the younger woman friend, her advice to herself was : Avoid thinking each time "this could be the one!" just take it as lightly as you can - and you may meet "the one" that way. But if you take it too seriously, you can get miserable and give up too soon. Enjoy!

Illicit encounters is a hook up site I would avoid. Guys are just on there for sex and are married. Hence illicit.

I was widowed at 55 but after 18months I knew I had more to give and joined an internet dating site. I did meet one scammer but didn’t part with any cash. I also met someone who wasn’t honest about what he wanted from the relationship so the relationship ended. I met my now husband who was also widowed and knew he was special within a few weeks. We’ve been married for over a year and are very happy as are our children and grandchildren. Our youngest grandson of 5 says he has 2 grandmas, one grandad and a nearly grandad. As others have said be safe and aware. Good luck

My DD met her lovely husband online and they've been together for 9 years and married for 5. The site is specifically for country folk of all ages & is called Muddy Matches. It seems to have a very good success rate & certainly worked for them!

For what it is worth I met my OH on a dating website. I only agreed to meet anyone after a long correspondence and then in a public place. (My local museum coffee shop). I agreed a one hour limit with no questions about further meet ups until back online. Everyone I met was respectable (except for the minister of the church who explained that he and his wife - also a CoS minister - lived separate lives.). He received a lecture, the others were gently dropped and OH and I took it very slowly until we knew everything about one another. It helped that he had lost his wife to cancer as I had my husband. I would never have met him otherwise and am happy I took the plunge but then I am not gullible. If you would like one to one advice I would be happy to chat to you on the phone. Good luck. Life is more fun when you share it.

A friend (divorcee in her 40s) has been out with dozens of men through Plenty of Fish - some have been longish-term, some one night stands, and sometimes she is using them for quick entertainment just as much as they are using her. I think she want to be adored and would like to settle down with the 'right' man, but she is always looking for the 'perfect 10'. I don't think that's the website to find him!

It all depends on how far you want to go. If it's friendship and the occasional sexual intimacy, go for it. If it's for securing the know, be careful. My second marriage of only four years came from such a manner and, as I am fair to the 'n'th. degree, I ended up sharing out my possessions equally (house, caravan etc.) for the split. Maybe I didn't have to do that but that's me. Go for the first option and you could say 'you're having your cake and eating it'. Good luck.

I met my husband (no.3 - previously divorced and widowed) on a dating site. I did meet an awful lot of frogs, but eventually it was time for the prince, and it was an immediate connection. That was 16 years ago and we are so incredibly close. The love of my life.

The obvious precautions before meeting anyone go without saying, I think.

My partner and I are in our mid 60s and met online 11 years ago. I lived on my own for 12 years before that after a long term marriage. We have been an item since we first met, we choose not to marry although have been living together for 10 years.
I met perhaps 20 men over a period of about 18 months on the dating site before meeting my partner. Some I met only once. Many men are looking for the younger model and you just can't help thinking, who are you kidding, have you looked in the mirror recently.

Several men told me very similar stories of dating a younger woman they met soon after coming out of a long term marriage. They were cashed up after the marital property settlement etc and were having the best sex they'd had for years. Expensive overseas holidays, dinners etc were enjoyed and when the money ran out, guess what, so did the woman. They all looked totally bewildered and said "I thought she really loved me". They were all struggling with the reality they had been well and truly done over. Other men are basically looking for a cook and housekeeper or the old saying "the nurse or the purse."

Some of the comments men made were that so many women posted photos that were old, glamour photos etc and misrepresented their physical attributes. Several commented that I was the only one they had met that actually looked like my photo. Same could be said of some of the men too. So being fairly realistic and honest is a good start. At least you don't waste time meeting non starters.

As others have said be very careful and do not disclose your address, email address etc until you are quite confident about the person. Always meet in a public place, have your own transport and it's helpful to rehearse a pleasant, non commital exit comment for those times when you just know it's going nowhere.

NEVER EVER send money to someone no matter how heart rending the story. There have been so many reports of the most skilful grooming, especially of older women. Some have handed over hundreds of thousands of dollars. If someone asks for money, even a very small sum, terminate the discussion/relationship immediately. That small sum is a bait. Once you bite you are in trouble.
Having given all the warnings, go for it. I took a surprising left turn and overall it's been great. Not always always perfect but life never is. Good luck.

I met my husband through Dateline 42 years ago. Very happy so I can recommend it. Just be careful and meet in a public place.

Also beware of 'sandies' - ' seeking a nurse/domestic'. Be brave and good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Misty22 just go for it you could spend forever joining clubs. Dating sites are fine as long as you are street wise and not desperate. I have met some decent guys my current partner of 11 years included. Just be discerning talk on the phone and make sure you like what you hear. Loads of emails tell you nothing! Meet for coffee / a drink somewhere in town or a local pub. You will know pretty quickly if you like them or not. If you don’t at the end of the date say thanks but the chemistry isn’t right. Don’t expect to fall in love just enjoy meeting people and be aware of the con guys! It’s never too late just enjoy then the right guy might come along good luck.

Four friends have met really lovely partners through, I think, the Telegraph. The Royal Academy also has one i think, which is where I would head should I ever have the need. Good luck Misty, take care and safeguards.

Do hope it goes well.

I met my husband, a widower, twenty years ago through a local political party, and other friends have met husbands or partners through the Ramblers or Photography Groups, evening classes, charitable work, paid work, introductions by friends.

Several friends have met and either married or had good relationships after meeting through adverts on The Guardian and The Observer websites.

Two friends met Through Drawing Down the Moon, they were in their 30’s, I don’t know if that agency caters for older people. It turned out that my friends could have met through their fathers (who worked together) but their fathers didn’t think about introducing them! Be careful, some men at some agencies or on some websites, are seeking sex only, I have been told.

Lots of good advice here, don’t give out your personal email address or phone number, meet somewhere public for an hour and then go and see a friend. Good to meet a friend afterwards, not only for safety but also to discuss your ‘date’ and download a bit.

Be prepared for disapointment, and always be very careful no matter how you meet.

Lots of frogs out there but one or two princes! ?

I recommend Internet dating with a reliable company e. g Guardian Soulmates or anothrr newspaper’s site. Wrote a piece about it on Gransnet last year. Ideal for older people.

I met my partner on ‘late night love ‘ programme on the radio 20 years ago. You just have to let people know you are meeting someone and only in the day in a public place. I even took a friend to one meeting and introduced my friend so he knew he had been clocked and then she left. Safety is key but take the plunge and enjoy. How about applying for first dates on TV

I recommend online dating sites

2 that have worked well for me are "illicitencounters" and "lovinglinks"

Use a "nom-de-plume" and set up a totally separate email account. Don't give out your phone number or home address until you have built up a level of trust and are comfortable that you will not be harassed

Be prepared to be bombarded by young men and undesirables, so be ruthless at saying "No Thankyou" to reject or even block them

Chat by email and ask them - "what shall we do on our second date ?"

If you meet, always use a safe public place, like a coffee shop or a hotel lobby or a restaurant

If you take things further, also meet in a relatively safe public place like a hotel

When it works - it is wonderful - go for it !

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