Friend ?

I would just keep away from her for a while. Then if/when she askes you to come to her place and/or why you haven't been in a while, I would firmly but gently tell her you don't feel very welcome because of the way she receives you, and could she please try and explain how she feels about you, about you-and-her, about what she expects from you, and about this situation.

The question here is do you sometimes need to get out of the house yourself? How would it be to get yourself a bottle of whatever, go round, listen and then when you feel like it get up and leave. The joy of getting back home will be worth all that listening. Depends a lot on what else you could be doing.

Aren’t most friendships a bit unequal?
I have a friend who is on the autistic spectrum IMO. She can be very self centred and I do hear more about her than she hears about me. However she can be good fun and good company and I do feel she would be there for me if needed.
She does find it difficult to make friends and I can understand why without being able to tell her where she’s going ‘wrong’.
The OP must have a reason for phoning and visiting this person. She must be a very nice woman to give up her time to someone who seems to be very needy. Maybe she is the only person the neighbour gets to talk to? Perhaps if Kate thinks about it as her community work it may be easier to cope with?

Very one-sided friendship, she sounds very self centered. If this was a 'friend' of mine I would kick her to the curb.Failing this Bridgeit offers a sensible solution, whatever you decide I wish you luck.

As she 'hates being in another house', is it possible that she is agoraphobic? If she does venture out of her own home, could you meet her on neutral territory? Perhaps in a café when you are both out shopping? The way she behaves suggests that there is something missing in her life and needs a listening ear, but there is no reason why you shouldn't shut her up and tell her all your news.

I had a Dutch friend who was very irritated by the English habit of always having cups of tea etc.when visiting. She said about going to her English boyfriend’s house, “ You’re never without something in your hand”. She found it very odd. Mind you, this was a long time ago. I don’t know what the Dutch do now.

I once timed how long it was before I got a word in when my most self-centred friend phoned. She talked about herself for a solid 20 minutes, and would have continued if I hadn’t interrupted at that point. Not that she listened. She’s also the one who assumes her big hairy dog is welcome everywhere, and that its slobbering is charming.

We are sort of friends still - we go back a long way - but see each other quite rarely now.

Yes,I come from the North and we always had the kettle on the fire.But in the end it is me who has to take action on this.I do like her and in the past made a joke of asking for tea but eventually I got tired of having to.I didn't mean I wanted to drink from her bottle... just a glass of tap water!
I think it's great we can talk about such things here.Thanks so much

She isn't a friend, she's an acquaintance. You serve a purpose, acting as a listener, which isn't particularly rewarding for you. She gave you an insight into the way she thinks when you mentioned your best friend's husband. It's your decision whether to continue meeting or not. If you find it a chore rather than enjoyable, maybe it's time to drift away.

I have a friend like that. Yak Yak Yak.
I actually have to but in on conversations, otherwise I would never get to utter a word.
They are so self important, and personally I am a listener rather than a talker, but there is a limit, I think.
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You don't need her...just back away.

Friendship and relationships are about give and take. Not one give and another takes. I agree with Bridgeit and her suggestion is worth a try.

I agree that to suggest we cut off all lonely people we see or are in contact with, adds to the national loneliness problem.
I have a old male friend who sometimes rings me and monologues for up to 2 hours. This goes on for a couple of months perhaps, until he moves on to someone else. I listen but put my headphones on and play Words with Friends alongside listening. When I have tried to say can we make this a 2 way conversation, he gets upset.
I see it as a kindness to be a listening ear.

Diddy I can't think of anywhere in the world where hospitality is not respected and adhered to, even in some poorer places at the cost of the host. However, I have been to places in the UK where the indigenous host hasn't been at all interested in their guest(s). This sounds like a woman who has issues and the advice to the OP sounds good - take your own water, prompt your host to offer you tea, and limit the time you spend there. I'd also suggest interrupting her kindly so the conversation is two-way.

Friendship should be give and take. If I were you I'd not contact her and see if she makes the effort to contact you first. If she doesn't then it doesn't sound like much of a loss.

Friendship is a two-way street. You need not to pussy-foot around with this lady and tell her exactly how you feel - if she can't play her part then call it a day.

Friendship is a two way thing, is she a genuine friend or a neighbour who you have got into a routine visiting. Either way it does seem bad mannered not to offer a drink to someone who visits you. Personally I would cut back on the visits as it sounds like hard work and not a pleasure to go. As she swigs out of a bottle of water she maybe does,nt have many hot drinks herself and is unaware that others do, it all sounds quite odd to me.

Hi you sound like a really nice person who is getting the brunt of a very unpleasant situation. I think there are much nicer people our there to befriend and be treated a lot better.
I would give it short shrift now and back off. Don’t be treated like this you deserve more.

This lady sounds as if she has some sort of deficit to me. I would certainly give her the heave-ho!

Maybe its other countrys traditions, to talk solely about themselves.I live in Sweden and our neighbour is the same, we visited them the other day, and the wife talked all the time giving us details of ever day around the Christmas Holiday, and didnt once ask what we had done, many people here are like tha,t they talk and talk about their own things and never ask about what others have done. Our neghbours did give us a cup of tea so thats something I suppose. I am glad we Brits are usually interested in what people have done etc.

Niobe, I love the sound of your dog reminding you to make a cuppa for a visitor.
As far as the OPs problem goes, I'd try taking my own drink, and explaining to her about thinking of others a little more. If that doesn't work, just fade out contact.

This is a toxic person. Keep well away. You are already ruminating on her behaviour . Stop the connection before you become obsessive and angry.

I couldn't agree more. This doesn't sound like much of a friendship. The neighbour is perhaps rather lonely so maybe visiting her could be regarded as a kind voluntary service!

Well you could ask her for a cup of tea, or take a bottle of water or juice in your bag. Really she sounds like a selfish woman, who has no interest in what you have to say. It's up to you to decide whether to keep the friendship alive or not.

Why do some people behave so selfishly? I dont know...but the chips were down for me a few years back and I found out who were truly my friends. (They weren’t the people I’d’ve thought of).Since then, unless I feel it’s a two way friendship with both people benefiting from it, I don’t bother much. I know that sounds heartless but life really is too short...and I found that I made new friends...and didn’t miss the old ones. I wouldn’t dwell or focus on it, unless you’re getting something from the relationship.

How long has this 'friendship' been going on? If you've put up with this situation for any length of time, why would your friend think anything needed to change? If a recent friendship I'd suggest nipping it in the bud!