How late is too late to start a family?

I agree Don'taskme My parents adopted me as a six week old baby when they were both 50. They were caring and loved me without doubt but my life was very different from that of my peers. I appreciate that this was many years ago but the same principles apply. My father died when I was 16 and my mother when I was in my twenties. I think there should be an age limit for IVF etc. Women have a menopause for good reason.

People die at all ages ,you cant live your life thinking I wont do that because I might die.I know quite a few folk who had what were called "late" babies,my GM was 43 when her youngest was born ,my friends mother was 51 .Babies that were loved and treasured .Both these ladies lived until their late 80's On the other hand my dads mum had him when she was in her late 20's and she died age 42 when he was 12 .If you're fit and able to have a child no one should say what age is right ..for you .

Its not nice for a variety of reasons to be the child of older parents. Mine were 41 and 49 when I was born so I know from the other side of the fence.
It is selfish. I know celebs do it when they are positively ancient, but its not right. Just because it can happen by hook or by crook doesn't make it right for the child and its the child that needs to be considered.
My DF died when I was 20. My DM died when I was 33.

I know this is an old (ish) thread, Silverlining, and I don't think there's any advice I can give that hasn't already been given. But I've just seen this for the first time and wanted to add my support and sympathy for you/your DD's situation. I'm hoping that something might have been resolved one way or another since you first posted and that your DD is feeling better.

It is reported today that a film actress, I think she is called Birgitta Neilson is expecting her 5th child at the age of 54.
She has adult children, I expect she will have all the paid help she needs/wants, good luck to her, teens on her 70's?,no thank you.

My daughter had her twins at age 33 they were born two days before their fathers 50th birthday. He didn't have any previous children though. She met him after her previous relationship broke up because that partner didn't want children. She made it very plain to her husband she wanted children and as quickly as possible. They were born 11 months later

sorry that should say felt it more in later life

mmm I'm not so sure this older Mums thing is a good idea. I had my second child at 38. Whilst all was well and nobody suffered, I felt it more as I was dealing with teens and the menopause at the same time.

We can't just " have it all" because our biology dictates otherwise.

Also one of my kids intimated we wouldnt want to spend time with hid mates parents , because we are a generation apart. Its true we are.

I know a couple who had their twin children when they were both in their fifties (thanks to IVF). They were very much wanted children, and surely that is what matters most.

Wilmaknickersfit I stick by my thoughts that the partner is being a bit selfish, 50 is still young these days and as they ve been together 2 years he should have made it very plain from the word go that he did not ever want another child
Two years is a long time to drift on thinking it’s going to be ok and then get told a definite NO, that’s harsh There is nothing wrong with him not wanting another child there is something wrong with him not telling her it would never happen from the moment they became seriously involved
I think this must be heartbreaking especially as she has obviously made a great effort to be a step mum to his two girls I hope she can find a happy outcome, poor lady
One of my children had a partners who was older than her and had been married before with 3 grown ( late teen kids) he didn’t particularly want to start again but he did for her and they had two wonderful children of their own
I hope it works out Silverlining

My Sil has her last at 45 and my friend was 44 when her youngest was born, so not out of the question. It’s a dreadful situation either way, I do hope your daughter can find her way through this

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Thank you everyone for your heartwarming and supportive replies.

I went along to my local NCT group when I was expecting my last baby. I was 39 and thought I would be the old lady of the group. To my surprise I was the youngest but one. It does happen but sadly not for everyone.

It is a dilemma and it must be so hard for her but I do understand her partner's point of view, babies should be wanted. Sadly one of them is going to lose out, the saddest thing would be them breaking up and her not being able to have a baby anyway.

I hope they can find a way through it. We never stop worrying about them do we.

Oh this is indeed heartbreaking.

I don't think the media are to blame for this idea that it is a simple matter to get pregnant when you are late thirties and beyond, and any articles I have seen about egg freezing are about how difficult it is and how it should not be seen as a surefire way of enabling older women to have babies.

Everyone - surely - knows that fertility falls off a cliff after about 35, and despite the success stories we hear about, it's actually very unusual for a woman to have a baby at forty or more. But knowing this, and accepting that it actually means it applies in real life, is not happening, to all of them. Somehow, today's otherwise intelligent women have got themselves into a state of denial - not helped by the way the world of work expects people to be making career advancements in their thirties.

Silverlining your poor dd may have just assumed this man would be ok with a baby, or perhaps didn't dare raise it in case the answer was 'no'. She has to think long and hard about her future, with him or without him.

I could cry for your daughter silverlining, I really could. The longing for a child is so strong in some women, so very fundamental, that the thought of going to their graves childless is an insurmountable sadness.
I do so hope your daughter finds a way through this terrible blow. I know she's told you she 'wants a family, not just a baby', but maybe as time goes on she will reconsider and think about going it alone as a single parent. Although what I really hope for her is that her partner will be the one to reconsider when he fully takes on board just how much this is upsetting her. Surely if he loves her he would not risk losing her?
Sorry, I have no advice, because only they can decide their path, but I have so much sympathy for her, and for you who must watch her heartbreak from the sidelines.

I had my only baby at 43 and my husband was 55. My DS has older step-siblings in their late twenties. My husband initially said he wasn’t sure about having another child having done it all before and wouldn’t commit either way but I fell pregnant through a contraceptive failure and he’s turned out to be a very hands on dad. Apparently, far more so than when his older children were youngsters and he was working long hours.

I think this man is a bit selfish to deny his younger partner something that he has.

My heart goes out to your daughter, I cannot imagine life without my children and gr children.
I don't think many things can be worse for a woman who longs for a child but doesn't have one.
We thought our daughter would never have children as her husband didn't want any, he wanted to retire early at 55.
The wonderful thing was they discussed it at length and eventually he agreed to have a child.
As a professional couple they had the money and could have most things that they wanted but they were very selfish.
Our grandson as brought great joy into their lives they are different people and are so happy.
Their son is the best thing that could have happened to them.
I can only hope that if your daughter cannot change her partners mind that they are still together and she can come to terms with not having children.
Women can have children by AID if this is something she could consider but she would need to think long and hard about down that route.
I know how you must you feel, even when our children are adults as mother we still feel their pain. The only thing to do is let her know that you will always be there for her whatever happens.

Dd may have to adjust her expectations. She may not be able to have all she wants right now, a baby and a "family." If she wants a baby, single parenthood may be the only way to go. But she'll have to figure it out for herself. TG she has you to give her love and support no matter what she chooses.

IVF can help people in their fifties to become parents, but that will not help a woman whose OH doesn't want children.

Two friends of my daughter have each recently had a first baby at 41. Both babies are very well.
Another friends daughter married an older man with two teenage faughters. He was in his 50’s she mid-late 30’s. He said he didnt want any more children. He changed his mind and they had a much loved baby girl 9 years ago. It can work well but its up to them to agree.
I hope things work out. I know its hard.

When my mother was born, her father was 52, and her mother 39.