How late is too late to start a family?

I feel deeply for your daughter and for you but can give no help as I suspect no-one else can.
It is up to your D as to whether she can live without having s family or if she loves her partner more.
It is not a decision I would like to make.
Just support her in any decision she makes.

You can't do anything else Silverlining except to tell her how much you love her and that you're there for her.

Only she can decide now what she really wants - I don't know if he will change his mind but if she doesn't make a decision soon then the decision will probably be made for her as her biological clock will dictate.
It's a pity he didn't tell her this two years ago before they became so involved.

50 is not too late - but that is his decision to make too.

Silverlining If separation is inevitable, would your DD be open to the idea of becoming a single parent?

My sympathies too, Silverlining she sounds so much like my eldest daughter who has broken my heart many times because of similar worries.
Can't go into details on here.

When my daughter and her husband married they agreed not to have children. Fast forward ten years to when my daughter was nearing forty and it suddenly became the most important thing in her life to have a baby - she gave my son-in-law time to get used to the idea and didn't rush it, but was mightily relieved when he came home from work one day and presented her with a box of folic acid tablets. Their daughter was born extremely prematurely; some of you may remember her life was in the balance many times, but she is now a delightful two and a half year old and my daughter shudders to think that she almost missed out on being a mother.
I'm afraid your daughter needs to prioritize whether her current relationship or being a mother is most important to her.

I know it’s their choice, but I do think these young women should think very carefully before they assume they can easily conceive and give birth to a healthy baby so late in their lives. It’s not the having of ‘it’ so much as the belief that it will happen easily and naturally.

I’m hearing more and more stories of women who have ‘left it too late’

You can't tell them though, OldMeg
They have been led by the media to believe they can have it all and it doesn't always work out that way.

But GA what if Silver's daughter decides being a mother is more important, leaves her husband and then cannot fall pregnant? It really is a dilemma.

I understand the sadness BTW. I have a 39 year old daughter who has fertility problems - undiagnosed endometriosis for many years despite her insistence that she was not "just having heavy periods". They are very clear though that IVF is not something they want to pursue.

What did John Lennon say? Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

OldMeg indeed. I was in company years ago where I said I wished my daughter could meet someone and have the baby she so wanted at that time. She was 28. I was given short shrift by another woman in the group who told me not to be ridiculous, that she had "plenty of time for babies". 10 years on, that time has, I fear, run out.

I have no further advice but feel for your daughter and yourself its a bad dilemma just a shame they didn’t talk about it earlier Would he not want her to be happy ? If he loves her as much as she believes wouldn’t he allow her this one happiness after all he has his own two girls I find it a bit selfish to be so controlling about this

Well, I have to say I can see why somebody wouldn't want to spend their 50s with a baby.
I have a friend in a similar situation. Her partner is in his mid twenties now, but she is 40. She wants a child, he has said from the outset that he doesn't. The relationship limps along for a while before the issue comes up again. Its a shame, but its too big a deal to be pushed into either having a child, or not having one.

Cherrytree, I asked her the same question. She said that she wants a'family' not just a baby. Having bought her up as a single mum I felt slightly sad but she has always insisted she'd had a very happy childhood.
Bluebelle, I have to admit I feel this too but try to remain neutral and non judgemental when she tells me.

At nearly 41 her chances of having a healthy baby are much reduced anyway sadly. If her relationship split up and she met someone else she may well find she cannot have children. Hope she makes the right decision

BlueBelle I don't think it's selfish at all, but agree it is a shame that a conversation about children wasn't had in the early stages of the relationship. Perhaps it was though because Silverlining said 'He has now said he doesn't want to have another child at nearly 50...', which could mean he's changed his mind.

I don't mean grilling each other about the subject, but if I was nearly 40 and wanted a child of my own, I think I would have raised the subject some how. Then again, if things were wonderful maybe I wouldn't want to jinx things.

It's a sad situation and I feel for you Silverlining.

All you can do is support your daughter whatever she decides silverlining I can understand both points of view here, its just a shame they did not talk about this earlier.
I hope things work out for all of you.

I’ve got no advice and I can see her partners point of view, but oh the longing for a baby runs so deep. It must be hard for her and for you having to see your daughter so distress.

I feel for you, Silverlinings and your dd, as well. I understand why you worry about her.

But as others have said, there's not much you can do but love and support her. She's the one who'll have to decide whether to give up this man and the 2 girls she has become so involved with or stay with him and give up the idea of having a child of her own.

But it's not just that "simple" choice, is it? If she gives him up, there's no guarantee she'll find someone else who wants a child at this late date in life or that she'll be able to easily get pregnant. Like OldMeg, I hear more and more stories of women who put off childbearing until it's "too late." They're told it's "never too late," but for some women it is.

She can still probably have what she wants, however, if she's willing to be flexible. As a pp said, would she be willing to be a single mom? Would she adopt a baby who needs a parent and raise him/her on her own? But that would mean leaving her love, so we're back to that first choice that she needs to make.

Wishing her - and you - all the best!

The question was how late is too late.
My son was told on his 50th birthday that he was going to be a dad. His wife will be forty this year.
They now have a four month old son and are both besotted, as are his sisters who could both be considered old enough to be his mum.
Admittedly he may not be playing football with his son in ten years time, but he will be able to teach him to play any musical instrument he wants to!

I'm sick of the media saying "freeze your eggs" its not that simple, look at the statistics for egg freezing and IVF. Sadly many women believe it's easy to conceive, unfortunately the older you are the harder it is.

Yes, a member of my family is in his fifties and a Dad to young children - a brilliant Dad I should add.

Although the man in the OP already has children - how old are they? Perhaps he feels he can't 'start again' whereas my family member was 'starting a family' having not been married before.

You are right Jalima. I understand he feels he can't start again. His youngest is a teenager.

My newest grandson's sisters are 24 and 18, so having teenage children should not preclude having a baby with a new wife.
Is that a reason or just an excuse?
Not that I suggest you ask.
Just think of all the 50 and 60 year old celebrities whose wives have babies .

I hope he has a change of mind Silverlining
How happy does Ronnie look in this picture!