Reluctant dancer

There's always a compromise, tell him you're not happy about the way he is with you when dancing, it should be a good experience for both of you not just for him. Then decide whether you want to continue or not and consider carefully the reasons for continuing, for his happiness and your relationship, or for yourself.

Oh ditch his dancing and go line dancing with some girls and have some fun
I ve got two left feet and it would be hell for me so can quite see where you re coming from
Let him do the obsessive stuff you have fun

Gordonbennett
Is there any thing else you two enjoy together other than dancing?

I would be inclined to tell him that ballroom dancing just is,nt for you and find another hobby/pastime of your own that you actually enjoy doing. I think you both need the same enthusiasm for doing this, and the dance steps are going to become even more complicated the more he learns! It does sound like an endurance test for you going with him dancing so have the conversation sooner rather than later.

Can you have a quiet word with your teacher? She could teach him that a good dancer is one who makes their partner look/feel good. On Strictly, the professionals can do much more than their partners, but their target is to make their partner look good. Or is it possible togo at a different time?

If he kept criticising me I'd end up stabbing him with my dancing shoes! Maybe you need lessons with another partner at same stage as you until you get confident enough to dance with you man. He's seems a bit of a knob imo. Good luck and remember to stamp hard on his toes now and then

Partners or married couples don't have to pursue the same hobbies. Let him follow this one by himself and dance with someone else, which he obviously does at the extra sessions he takes, as the experience seems to be upsetting you. I must say though that he doesn't sound like a very nice bloke.

I quite like the idea of line dancing, he doesn’t like that ‘it’s boring and repetitive’. I like the folk dancing idea carol

goldenage that’s exactly what happens, I’M the one who makes mistakes. There is never any praise from him whatsoever, even though he knows how tough it is for me. And although there are valid reasons we don’t live together, I can’t see us doing it with his mentality.

tilly he has another hobby which he is also obsessional about. Thankfully my ‘services’ are not required for this!

I can't dance at all, and my dad was able to whisk me around, his fancy steps were something that gave him pleasure and he must have looked like a small chap, negotiating a large wardrobe over a rope bridge but he enjoyed it.

This made me smile, and only if he were grateful I did just that! He’s not happy unless we learn another dance and another dance, and more steps and more steps, he’s quite competitive though doesn’t want to do medals etc. Do I think he’s good? Not at all, his timing is poor, and I’m ALWAYS leading because of this, but he won’t take ANY constructive criticism, so it all goes pear shaped.

When we very first started I used to chat to other people (I liked the social aspect) he didn’t want that, he just wanted to dance, and perfect it, and that’s how it is. He can’t bear ‘going wrong’ where as I think it’s hilarious, so it’s all far too serious for me I’m afraid.

I think he is the problem not the dancing. You can’t have it all as they say

Thanks for your replies, I don’t feel quite as bad now

I sympathise with your plight being myself a very indifferent ballroom dancer. If you want to carry on doing some dancing, why not try folk dancing? It is much more fun than ballroom dancing in my opinion. Let your partner go to his classes on his own! You could then invite him to a barn dance and see how you get on with that. Have a look on line and see whgat"so on offer.

Whatever hobby they take on when they retire, a lot of men become so obsessional about it. I am a birdwatcher and if I could have a £1 for the number of photos of kingfishers I've been shown I'd be a millionaire! I think you'd be wise to suggest that you perhaps find another dancing couple having the same problem. That way you can keep an eye on him but dance at your own pace.

Gordon Bennett why is this man even your partner if he makes you feel so inadequate - you don’t live together and yet you feel this way - can you imagine if you did live together and saw more of each other - might he complain about other things - i’ce Gone through the whole thing of ballroom and Latin dancing been made into a chore rather than an enjoyment because hubby doubted himself and always shouted at me for his mistakes - simple - I just stopped going and putting myself in the firing line - what will life with this man be like when you retire?

I am so glad you don't live together sounds a bully. Think about what you want. Go to lessons by yourself and ENJOY dancing.

Tell him how he makes you feel then don't go any more. He may come round .

Let him find someone else. If you don't enjoy it, maybe he is not the partner for you. it would be unfair to crimp his style and there are plenty of lady dancers out there looking for a man who can dance. I used to take my dad to tea dances and they were full of two ladies dancing together due to the lack of men.

Life is too short to make something so trivial an issue. Of he were a fantastic golfer and you were very basic you wouldn't be able to play together with any success.

I can't dance at all, and my dad was able to whisk me around, his fancy steps were something that gave him pleasure and he must have looked like a small chap, negotiating a large wardrobe over a rope bridge but he enjoyed it.

Tell him to find another dance partner. Go and do something you really enjoy while he is dancing!

think hes been watching too much Strictly!!!

Maybe you could find a more patient partner to guide you?

Can you find a different class? One you can go to on your own? Sneakily. In secret. On the days when he goes on his own. Then, 1) you get to learn with a different partner who you’ll be more at ease with, and 2) You may learn moves he doesn’t know!

If he does find out you can just say you wanted to surprise him.

I think you have to either give up ballroom dancing with your partner, and be prepared for him to find a more amenable partner, or put a little more effort into learning the steps. I can't believe you are as bad as you say you are if you have been dancing together for five years, and love music and dancing.

I love dancing but have very poor coordination. Your dance class sounds like a nightmare to me. I would hate it. I too dance to keep fit but we follow familiar steps and routines to different music and songs each week. It is so much fun. I do hope you can resolve this as you clearly enjoy dancing but your partner is very much the problem. Good luck.

I agree it should be fun gb.
It seems a pity, if you would really like to dance, that your partner is spoiling it for you.
We go to classes and we only do two dances in one 2 hour class. We do the same dances for 3 weeks and the teachers are really good at going at the right pace for each couple.
I think dancing is such good exercise quite apart from the enjoyment of the dancing itself, and we have met some lovely people too.
I hope you can work something out

If you do not want to do it. Don't do it. Tell him firmly that you have tried, but find it all too difficult, If he really cares about you he will accept that.

If he keeps grumbling and putting pressure on you, you may need to rethink the nature of your relationship.

jane we go to classes, but I learn very slowly and he wants to learn every dance in one lesson! He’s very pushy and a bit of a perfectionist. Although I’d love to learn to dance, the pressure he puts me under is very uncomfortable, after all it should be fun, we are not in it for medals etc.