Reluctant dancer

I Agree with other's , You both need similar partners, You sound more relaxed and a relaxed dancing partner would suit you perfect, Good Luck !

Of course a controlling man is going to deny that he is such a man.

I would tell him I was not going anymore until he stopped treating me bad, then I would take classes until I was confident enough to go with him again but you know what? I'd kick him to the kerb and find another partner who treated me like a lady should be treated, on and off the dance floor [cake]

I'd give him the heave-ho! No fun, no mutual support. Not a good recipe for a relationship. I think you know what to do!

Blimey, I'd ditch him before the dancing - he sounds a real horror. What he's doing to you is very typical behaviour of men who are abusive to their partners ... part of "Beaten Wife Syndrome" is where the man chips away at the woman's self esteem (I expect it happens the other way around too, we just don't hear about it so often) until she believes she's worthless and deserves the abuse. Find another partner both for life and for dance!

Constant grumbling about your abilities Gordonbennet or criticism to you which seems overwhelming and undermining, is a thing in a relationship that its best to avoid.

A relationship should sometimes or even mostly, make you feel good about yourself. Rational, asked for feedback is part of a positive loving relationship, along with kindness when perhaps we prove not to be good at everything, all the time.

Don't go!! Why on earth would you. It sounds horrible.

GordonBennett I don't think you'll find a queue of women lining up to spend their leisure time getting 'told off' for not dancing properly. Go one more time and tread on his toes!

Life a too short to do things you don’t enjoy. Yes, we have to make an effort for partners, however, when it becomes like your situation, honesty is the best way forward ?

He isn’t a bad bloke, but he can be ‘pushy’ where I feel I’m doing things for his sake, even though I don’t want to, hence the dancing.

I have called him controlling at times, which he vehemently denies. I’m a tough cookie so he doesn’t get away with much. However, the dancing is obsessional and I’m doing it for him not me, I’d be happy to do that if he made it enjoyable but he doesn’t.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable feeling the way I do, as I said before, most women would love their partners to go dancing, I dread it

Another possible thing to check out is branches of the Royal Scottish Country Dance Society near you. There are branches all over the world. Some branches have classes for different levels. You dance with a different person for every dance and it is very social.

Hmm - you don’t actually say what you like about this man .... and by the way MoJive is much more fun than ballroom ?

He sounds quite obsessional and controlling - not good qualities to have in a partner!

I would be waltzing away.

"One should try everything except incest and folk dancing" 'Nuff said!

Love this

Sadly dancing isn’t fun. I’ve tried, left for a while, tried again, he got better and backed off a bit, but it’s far from enjoyable. It makes me feel very inadequate, and I don’t have much self esteem to begin with.

glamma I doubt very much he would criticise anyone else. They are all a higher dance standard than him anyway, I don’t see these people to ask their opinions, but I guess if you’re a higher standard there won’t be any criticism would there?

I watch the clock whenever we go dancing, I can’t wait for it to be over, doesn’t bode well does it

Don't try the folk dancing! The only time I went to a Folk Dance club was purgatory. It was full of very earnest folk, who tutted every time you put a foot out of place. My friend and I got the giggles, and were met with stony silence. We never went back. I think it was Sir Thomas Beecham who said "One should try everything except incest and folk dancing" 'Nuff said!

Dancing should be fun. As you learn more slowly than your partner, and he cannot accept that, I don't think he is the right dance companion for you. find someone else.

I know what I would do. I would ditch dancing with him once I week and find myself a dance teacher who is prepared to teach me, at my pace. Then when I felt more confident, I would start to go with him again and show him how good I was. Then I'd dump him because no-one should be made to feel like you obviously do. Good luck.

Janeainsworth's video of Ceroc looks fun. Why not try that or some other, less 'twosome focussed' dance class?
Hobbies should be enjoyable and you're getting nothing out of the present relationship.
I'd ditch him if he continued to whittle away my confidence and made the outings unpleasant.
Why not ask your dance teacher for her honest opinion about your partnership as far as dance goes?
I wouldn't waste any more time trying to alter his perception of himself and his relentless pursuit of perfection.
He'll never be Victor Fung.
Good luck and have fun.

I wonder if he feels a bit inferior because he has retired and you are still working so he likes to put you down a bit.
It's all about dancing together and what works as a couple.

GB If you want to dance but not with him, you could try Ceroc. You don't have to go with a partner and you dance with different people.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P7Igr81DEg

GB does he tell you how he gets on with the other partners is he happy as to how they perform or not and would he dare criticise either of them, I think not somehow.
I would be worried about the time when you retire and this man may be around you a bit more with his unflattering comments,something I would really think about .

He tells me I CAN dance but don’t put in any effort to learn. Maybe I don’t because I don’t like dancing with him, and THAT is the real problem here.

He would go dancing every day, which is great if that’s your thing. It’s not mine. I wouldn’t stop him as life is too short to not do what you love. However, dancing is quite intimate, and I imagine that could be quite damaging to a relationship. There’s nothing I can do about that though, it’s his life.

I’ve told him I won’t be going again, said it a zillion times before but this time I mean it. I’ve really had enough now.

I wonder what your long term plans are? When you retire will you do more activities together? Possibly live together?

His behaviour is selfish and uncaring. Can you be sure that it is, and only ever would be, confined to dancing? If so, would you happy for him to have another partner who meets his standard?

I don't think the dancing is the problem with the OH but the symptom.

I think step 1 should be to tell him you just don't enjoy dancing with him, step 2 find a dance activity to go to without him, step 3 have a serious think about whether you enjoy being with him when you're not dancing. Step 4 decide what you will do after taking step 3. Personally I would step away from him!