Gransnet forums


How has dating changed?

(36 Posts)
LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 07-Feb-18 14:22:33

In the run-up to Valentine's Day (stay with us, we're not going to suggest anything too cheesy), we've been talking about dating and how it's changed over the years. From meeting someone new, to first dates and break-ups, how different are your experiences to your children's (or grandchildren's?) Which dating norms do you think it's a shame to have lost? And which are you quite glad aren't around anymore?

Bridgeit Wed 07-Feb-18 15:02:23

I think the courtship was quite nice, the will I be asked for a 2nd date etc,
Also not having social media, waiting in the the only telephone in the street to ring & hoping it would be ‘him’
Seems so quaint now, but far better than imho than getting physical too soon & then deciding you don’t really l8e each other.blush

Bridgeit Wed 07-Feb-18 15:03:24

Like each other

Bridgeit Wed 07-Feb-18 15:04:36

Telephone box. ,Ohhps clumsy typing today!

mollie Wed 07-Feb-18 15:43:10

I’ve got a letter written by my husband’grandfather giving permission to a young man to call on his daughter. It’s such a lovely tongue-in-cheek letter but with that slightly protective edge. In it he wrote that he was looking forward to ‘running the rule’ over the boy and warned not to keep his daughter waiting! The boy and girl were my in-laws of course and I think she had asked her father if the boy could call and the letter was formal permission. This was in the early 1930s I think. Times have changed a lot since then.

kittylester Wed 07-Feb-18 16:06:35

That's lovely mollie.

I met dh in 1969 so the swinging sixties were in full swing. blush So, although we didn't have ease of contacting that is available now, we had a phone as did dh (who had his own flat) and things were not so formal as previously.

Nor were they as 'informal' as now! grin

Teetime Wed 07-Feb-18 16:23:36

Thank heaven you don't have to take them home for ordeal by Sunday tea.

Anniebach Wed 07-Feb-18 17:52:56

Oh that taking them home, nightmare

Bridgeit Wed 07-Feb-18 18:01:30

Oh yes Annibach, definitely that come in for tea business ie let my Dad give you the once over!

Marydoll Wed 07-Feb-18 18:08:14

My husband and I were talking about this last night. We both said how we missed the courting stage and the anticipation of the next date.
My husband lived around the corner from me and before we started dating, I used to try and time it, so that I would catch the same bus as him, without him realising I was madly in love with him.
Years later, he told me he found it amusing, when he saw me skulking round corners, trying not to be noticed.

Musicelf Thu 08-Feb-18 10:04:30

Oh yes, that ordeal of taking them home for inspection. I dated a couple of lads who were taught by my dad, and each time he came into the room, the lad would jump up to attention. Can you imagine that now??!

moxeyns Thu 08-Feb-18 10:14:00

Trust me, it's still a PITA. Waiting for the email is just as bad as waiting for the call - maybe more so, because it might come in at any time!

janeainsworth Thu 08-Feb-18 10:23:49

‘Getting his feet under the table’ was a landmark in the relationship, wasn’t it.
Noticed by nosey neighbours and giving rise to speculation that an engagement ring might soon be sported.
I remember the first time we met DSiL. DD brought him home for a meal. For some reason instead of ringing the front door bell, DD took him to the back door to which she had a key, and let them in via the utility room where a jolly assortment of my bras and knickers were hanging up to dry blushblush

Humbertbear Thu 08-Feb-18 10:34:23

In the fifties nice girls didn’t kiss on the first date now people have sex without dating. And that awful, girls don’t phone boys rule.

sarahellenwhitney Thu 08-Feb-18 10:45:50

Anniebach. Didn't have that problem as I lived next door to who was to be my husband. Met my future ML before DH as they had moved next door to us while he was serving abroad in the military. I already had a boyfriend at the time who soon became history.

gillyknits Thu 08-Feb-18 11:06:30

I think a little of the romance has gone out of dating these days. With dating Apps. (which seem to be based solely on appearance,) a quick swipe to left or right and a choice is made. I know a date has still to be arranged ,after that, but it seems quite clinical and impersonal.
I met my husband at school and waited a month for him to pluck up the courage to ask me out!

DotMH1901 Thu 08-Feb-18 11:06:42

Everything seems so rushed these days - my daughter says I am old fashioned but makes me laugh when she says my granddaughters will not be allowed boyfriends until they are in their 30's smile There is a lot of peer pressure both for boys and girls to be in a relationship before senior school - so good luck to her with that one!

mcem Thu 08-Feb-18 11:49:55

I only recently realised that young people now refer to each other as boyfriend/ girlfriend only after they start sleeping together.
Of course it's also acceptable to sleep together without being in a 'going-out' relationship!

gigi1958 Thu 08-Feb-18 13:12:41

I can remember sitting by the mailbox waiting for a letter from my boyfriend who was away at school or waiting for the phone to ring. It was far more fun and more natural than todays methods. I miss the anticipation, the hunt, the heart fluttering moments.
Now days it's all online it's almost like people would not even consider flirting with each other in the real world. And the reality is that there are very few truly lasting relationships born online.
Dear St. Valentine please take away all the dating sites and bring back instinctual natural love.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 08-Feb-18 13:12:54

I am glad for the young that the pressure of the expected engagement after going out with a young man for a certain length of time seems to have disappeared.

My generation broke off a number of promising friendships too soon when mothers or aunties starting hinting about the contents of our "bottom drawers" or asking directly whether we were still going out with N?

However, as a teacher I saw a lot of teenagers being pushed into physical relationships by peer pressure before they really were ready themselves, and a lot of them confusing good old physical desire = sex with love.

So I am sure it still is not easy being young, the pressures and social controls have just changed.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 08-Feb-18 13:53:55

My Dad used to say that there's no mystery or romance nowadays. OTOH there's less ignorance which can only be a good thing.
I'm glad I'm not young anymore - not sure I'd cope. A bad thing is all the porn that is readily available now which gives young people entirely the wrong idea about what is 'normal.' In many ways I'll bet the same old problem exists, "Shall I or shan't I?"
My generation were fooled into putting the cart before the horse - you know what I mean!

MissAdventure Thu 08-Feb-18 13:56:14

I'm going to be an old moaner now.
I can't stand u

MissAdventure Thu 08-Feb-18 13:57:40

grin cut off mid moan
I was going to say, and I will say, that I can't stand that people today involve their children with different partners far too soon. Some people, obviously.

Esspee Thu 08-Feb-18 14:34:13

Judging by what I read on Mumsnet the biggest change seems to be that nowadays sleeping around seems to be the norm. In my day nice girls didn't, at least until they were in a relationship which was expected to lead to marriage.
I hated having to be asked on a date. I was rather forward and would suggest interesting things to do in the hope that it would result in an invitation.

Silverlining47 Thu 08-Feb-18 15:04:07

I was talking about this the other day with several people in their mid 70s and they remembered that the only way to leave the family home was to get married, especially for a girl. Most were married at 18-20.