Strange little characters corners along the road of estrangement!

Stella14, as often happens, this thread has taken quite a turn from the original post. I'm afraid my original response wasn't quite explicit enough in saying that vicarious news of my estranged family allows me to rest easy because they're doing well and the door to reconciliation has not been permanently shut. The 'corners' you speak of are ones I recognise, but usually relate to the well-being of them all. I think it helps too that I have a very busy life, her siblings are very close to each other and to me - and I have other grandchildren.

Stella, the written word can be so difficult to put something over I find and I imagine were you and I having this conversation face to face you’d understand what I was trying to highlight.

I do cringe, you are right when I read EPs label their children on an open World Wide Web forum and hoped mentioning it might perhaps just give those that do, pause for thought as to how this might look to others and especially their EAC if they are reading the open forums too ?

Of course if an EP never wants to be reconciled and feels ok about calling their EAC derogatory names on an open public world wide for all to read public forum, fine, each to their own.

But if an EP does live in hope of reconciliation one day then I just don’t think an EP calling their EAC names on a public forum would endear their AC to consider reconciliation, that’s all.

I for one, no matter who I am at conflict with, whether that person is an estranged family member, non estranged family member, friend, work colleague would not post derogatory comments about them on an open world wide for all to read forum.

Would I like someone to do that to me publicly ? No.

But I get your point and if you feel comfortable with it, fine.

Joannab, I understand where you are coming from. I’m just suggesting that you pause before posting in a judgemental way about others. You have walked in your shoes, not theirs and not mine. You avoid saying anything negative about your EC. Your child and you are different to other people. If someone says something about their EC that makes you cringe, why not just scroll by. Why do you instead think it’s okay to jump all over that person with your judgements?

Stella, I am an EP / EGP myself and have walked the mile in the shoes of every other EP / EGP posting here and on the other estrangement threads. I too have / still am experiencing the pain but have learned to cope much better than I once did.

I am sorry if my posting to Yogagirl offended her, you or any other poster but I was just pointing out that I find it very uncomfortable reading when our adult children, whether estranged or not, are labelled as being good or bad, nasty or nice. Indeed one poster (not Yogagirl) regularly refers to her estranged daughter as “horrid”.

I prefer to err with caution just incase my EC is reading this public world wide open to all forum.

I love my children unconditionally though their behaviours towards me, estranged or not leave much to be desired.

But isn’t that human nature ?

At the end of the day nobody is perfect.

I know I’m not.

Thank you craftynan, I checked pages 2, 3 and 4. Thought 1 was too old. Serve me right for thinking!

123flump, it’s on page 1

Stella14 I can't see a post from Joannab, not sure if something is going on or I am losing it.

Joannab, your post to Yoga girl reads as very judgemental and quite nasty. Estranged parents have enough pain without being attacked by other estranged parents who see themselves as somehow superior because they view their EC differently. Our circumstances are all different. Our EC are different too. Some of them are not very nice people, including my ES. He has had an unpleasent side to him since he was a child. I couldn’t see it until he was a young adult as I adored him. When I recognised his intolerance and dismissal of others who didn’t meet his special standards, I encouraged him to think about things differently, give others a chance etc. Eventually, of course, his harsh judgement was turned against me. So, I can say with confidence that my son is a little shit. God only knows what kind of parent he will be when his kids hit adolescence and disagree with him.

There is a lot of judgement on this thread. I urge you not to preach to others already suffering the pain of estrangement. You don’t know better than us. You simply have a different experience. So good for you!

Very sensible post grannyactivist.

Yogagirl I'm sorry that you have made the decision to withdraw from Gransnet and hope that you will reconsider. Your posts are full of anger and pain, which is in some ways understandable, but I think you may be finding it hard to accept that other people's responses to, and feelings about, estrangement are equally valid. We are all different and we deal with things differently, not better or worse, just differently. My husband is both an adoptive father and a step-dad - and he adores ALL of his children, equally, however he came to be their parent. You may not be able to do that, but it doesn't mean that others can't.

You can't say what he is like or wether or not he adopted her.

It's been what 5 years. A lot could change. He is more of a father than she's ever had. And he's actively patented her more than you.

yogagirl it doesn't sound like your GDs father was cut out of her life, doesn't sound like he was ever in it.

Madgran77 sorry, I thought you had missed what Cornishsue said. I can't keep up sometimes.

I intend this to be my last post on GN.

Luckylegs My GD has not been adopted by her stepdad, he wouldn't entertain it. As I have said many. many times before; I was not just the grandparent I was the second parent too, as the baby's dad legged it when my D was 3mnths pregnant. My D came back to live with me, I took her to all her hospital, doctor, anti-natal app. I was her birthing partner, the second person in the world to hold my beloved GD in my arms.

I chose her name, my D & I were watching an old film and one of the characters was called Laila, I said to my D 'what a lovely name' she agreed, so Laila it was.
The dad was invited to the scans, to the birth, he ever came, even though he promised he would.

I collected them both from the hospital, they came back home with me and we had all the pomp and ceremony that a birth brings, all the visitors, flowers, gifts, it was magical. All the neighbours coming in. Laila's dad did visit once at home. He lived in Brighton and they meet when he & my D worked in Malta.

At one point the dad did contact my D and said 'let's be a family' but unfortunately my D had meet her now husband, when he heard that Laila's dad had been in contact, he traced him and sent him a message that said he knew the gym where he worked out and he was going to wait for him outside and shot him!

My ND & I contacted Laila's dad when we had been cut out of her life, we sent him a picture of her, he was over the moon and said he was going to a lawyer to get visitation of his daughter. We had not heard anything from him since, I just hope nothing happened to him.

Yoga you have not been made a scapegoat. I am sorry that you see it like that! Can you not see that your style of comment and approach to people who are hurting, just like you, keeps causing problems on threads!

123flump my first bit was quoting Yoga's comment not my own. I forgot to put quote marks. I would never speak or write to anyone in that way. I was saying to Yoga that I felt it was unkind

Yoga girl,nowhere is est gd birth father? Surely he wouldn't want his child adopted. Does he see her?

But she is estranged?!

You really do need to get down off your cross

I've tried to make it crystal clear Cornishsue I'm talking about stepfamilies NOT adoption, why to you keep ignoring that?

I did not tell Cornishsue to leave Luckylegs I said she was on the wrong thread, it's about estrangement not adoption and this is the first time she's mentions she is estranged from her adopted son. Anyway no matter what I said it's deemed as wrong, so ..

Copy & paste from the estrangement page that Cornishsue felt the need to bring my name and don't worry all, you'll not hear from me again;

Cornishsue Don't leave GN, I will. It's clear to me I have been made the scapegoat on here by all apart from Smileless My ND, yes she is nice, tells me time and time again to come off here, as I always get a bashing, and now it's all the time. So even though our subjects are completely different Cornishsue yours is adoption and mine is estrangement, I will leave and you are welcome to take my place. Why you have come on this page of estrangement to hi-light my name from another thread, only you know. So goodbye all, you will need another poor soul to bash now, cos I'm off!
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Yogagirl Fri 16-Feb-18 18:47:56
OH and bye the way, I've lost my mother too

Madgran did you miss where Cornishsue said she is estranged from her son? Surely this is relevant to her.

Yoga girl, there is no reason for anyone to leave it was you who had a go at Cornishsue and said she should leave, that was really unkind, why should she, she is estranged from her son, you have to see others point of view as well as your own, not all situations are the same, but they hurt.
I have wondered where your granddaughters birth father is in your granddaughters life, he more than anyone must want his child happy.

Thank you Fairydoll your the only one on here that's stuck up for me. Bless you xx

Please Cornishsue go on a page that is relevant to you and stop stirring up emotions that are too painful to bear!

Yoga That is unkind! I know you are hurting but...!