Cutting and hurtful

Next time she needs your help..” say what happened to your first choice. “ Well done for keeping your distance but I would take others advice and back right away, start by not answering every call she makes to you.

Gabrielle8 haha. Ann, with grey hairs comes the knowledge that people who are unhappy and self centred lash out to try to wipe the smile off us optimists' faces. Some mean it in which case high cliff swift kick on posterior might fix the problem. The others who don't mean it still suck all vitality and joy out of the relationship - you might want to support and forgive but put a limit on the martyrdom as others advise. Incidentally I've found they often excuse their own insensitivity or spite by saying I'm a plain speaker with some self satisfaction!

'You have posted many times' why?

Just get rid of her or admit that she does have some measure of value to you. Life is too short to waste time on friendships that have become a poor fit.

Te best answer to that sort of remark is "And your point is?"

We don't like to be unpleasant do we? You're doing the right thing by not bothering to contact her first but I wonder, do you have a phone which has contact details? And if so when her number comes up could you just not answer? I know that seems the cowardly way out (and I'm the original Mrs Non-confrontational) but maybe she'll eventually get the message.

We all have had "friends" for the greatest part of our life (possibly even from Infants School) and silently put up with their poor behaviour. But something finally makes the decision to end that "friendship" - in my case, the girl I thought was my best friend finally showed her true colours, when, after the devastating Floods in my town in 2005 I had concerned enquries from all my other friends - even from all around the world. This "friend" however, did not even ring me - and as she has never visited me (it was a long-distance friendship by now, as she lived in South Africa) she could not possible know if my part of town was badly affected. I therefore decided to "keep quiet" and did not nag her ... however, 3 months later, when it came around to her Birthday, I, for the very first time in over 50 years, did not send her a Birthday Card. Two days later, I discovered a nasty message on my Answerphone - "So where's my Card then???" I waited a few days and then wrote a letter to tell he just what I thought. Finally I had the courage to let her know how badly she had treated me all those years. I received no reply. Good riddance.

I've had a friend since childhood. One evening she was drunk and began talking about my husband. She said "he's fat and got grey hair, lets face it, he's got nothing going for him". I was staggered as she's a widow and my husband has been so helpful over the years. I have kept a polite distance since then.

CrazyH wrote: "But unfortunately, one or two members of my family make very "cutting" remarks to me ...but because they are immediate family, I can't do much about it. I grin and bear it. "

My late husband had a wonderful way of dealing with this sort of thing. He'd say
"Tell me; does it come easy to you, or do you work hard at it?"
They'd say "What are you talking about?"
He'd say "Being so unpleasant".

That is a bit out of order - but do try not to take it to heart. It simply isn't worth it. Life, as others have have said, is simply too short. And you have quite enough on your plate. I doubt she is about to change now.

Take care. Look after yourself. The other day when DD and I were talking, she said I must look after myself as well as OH as "You can't pour from an empty jug." I am sure she is right.

I had a similar problem with a family member who over the years would deliver nasty cutting remarks although she could also be very kind. Some time ago I was unable to oblige her due to illness. She took offence and has stopped all contact. Oh the relief of no longer fielding those remarks! Why did I put up with it for so long?

Think that you added an extra letter when you called her a friend Ann. I think that you meant fiend.
What a dreadfully self centered lady. Bid her goodbye Ann before she really drags you down.

I think with hindsight you may have said "Don't be so bloody rude!"

Ann. You should have said “Let’s hope M’s available when it’s your turn”.

I had a lifelong friend until last year when I realised our friendship had changed, and not for the better. There were many things I had tolerated for the sake of our long friendship but her cold uncaring attitude after my dd was diagnosed with aggressive bc and husband with pc was the last straw. I sent her a letter and have not heard a word since. Her loss.

Let her go ann, she’s just not a true friend.

I don’t suppose she could have started to tell the tale, realised what she was letting slip and tried, clumsily, to make a bit of a joke out of it? I’ve done that and it’s a nightmare. I once explained to a friend that I’d used a recent move (30 years ago now) to ‘lose’ some unwanted friends. Of course she had been one but had put herself out to track me down. I felt a total rat!

But as others have said, life is too short to have friends who arent! And the fact the relationship has endured so long isn’t a reason to continue if you are unhappy.

Bye Bye Felicia.

Fortunately, I only have few good friends...we do banter but there's nothing malicious. But unfortunately, one or two members of my family make very "cutting" remarks to me ...but because they are immediate family, I can't do much about it. I grin and bear it. You can choose your friends but not your family.
Get her out of your life. She seems to be a nasty piece of work.
All the best Ann ! x

Ann That was downright nasty!

Don't we all have people like that in our lives? It's not easy to get rid of them because they are often part of an intricate web which involves people we do want to be friends with.

ann I feel for you 40+ yrs is such a long time and I really don't think you are going to change her now do you? she has gotten away with behaviour for so long she probably doesn't realise she is doing it .I would just see her when in a group and not bother with her again.

I'm amazed at your restraint and politeness annsixty. You are very clearly a much better person than she is.

Why why why do prople have these ‘friends’ in their lives who cause them pain, friendship is about happiness love kindness move on to someone who you can trust and have fun with

Oh Ann how rude of her- no need to be so hurtful. If you want to see her fine, if not also fine. I think you are doing the correct thing by not bothering to contact her.

Well with friends like that annsixty who needs enemies. I was wondering while reading your post why you didn't say something back to her when she said you'd been second choice but your last sentence explained why.

With some one who is that self centered, you'd be wasting your breath.

Do any of her other 'friends' comment on her nastiness?

Why are you still involved with this woman? Life is too short