I am petrified

I had been divorced for 11 years then joined Match.com.
Met some nice guys and a couple of fibbers.
I made certain rules from the outset. No going to his house or mine, no telling him my address, no intimacy, no late night dates and no drinking/ driving.
3 months later I met my OH who lives a 10 minute drive away. I wasn't keen at first as he looked a bit like a womaniser but that was far from the truth.
Been together for 5 years this summer but I still have my own house and like my own space.
He's 22 years younger with a young family and I have met them all.
Sort the wheat from the chaff and do all the background checks such as 192 people finder electoral register and remember the information he gives you so you can cross check.
If, after meeting, you don't intend to see him again, just shake hands and say that you don't think that it's something you want to pursue.
It's also a good thing to pay your share, regardless of what he says. Too many women dine out on freebies such as dating lunches and men get wary.
Good luck and stay safe.

I keep getting pictures at the bottom of this thread of people looking terrified on roller coaster rides!

Very brave of you ! Just treat him as another friend, relax, enjoy. Also, trust your initial instincts about him ....

Meet and eat in very public place; shake hands when you greet each other; say you will go dutch with the meal bill; dont give home phone number or address; tell a friend where you are going. On parting, don't linger near your car - get in, lock the door from inside then drive away. Don't expect too much. I did three, and met one narcissist, one bore and one liar.
Then I met a nice widower whilst walking my dogs with a friend! We are now having a lovely time.

I’ve been down this road 20 years ago and we are still together, so here is what I did.
Meet for a drink so you can get a quick escape if all is not going well. So your not stuck with him for to long
I actually took someone with me and introduced my friend to the date so he knew his face had been clocked, my friend then left.
Ask lots of questions about him and keep personal stuff private, so you seem interested without giving to much away.
Write down questions if necessary if you think your going to dry up
Nip to the loo to if you need a breather and check your questions
If. He asks you for a second date and you don’t want to. Don’t fob him off, we all deserve the truth he maybe as scared as you are.
Relax, be yourself and enjoy
Wear your lucky pants you never know!!!!

He’s probably as nervous as you. Just be yourself, and good luck.

I agree with Wombat no subterfuge, if it isn't working be honest in a kindly way and just simply tell him so. He will respect that. He must be going into it with as much doubt as you so respect him and no pretence.

A friend of mine tried online dating and said she would never do it again. No idea what changed her mind but she met someone online, he moved nearer to her and is now moving in. They are now expecting an IVF baby and she has never been happier.

If you have no expectations you won't be disappointed and maybe pleasantly surprised. Sounds like you have been taking it carefully so far and already know a lot about him. If it were me I would ask about his football team, gold or whatever and if he bored me to tears that would be the last time I would meet him!

I met several very nice blokes in this way, and one of them is still my best friend. We shan’t marry because of family commitments and religious differences, but I’m very glad to have him in my life.
I also had a few less pleasant experiences, as there seems to be out there a vast army of obese, sweaty and charmless men in nylon shirts, who have never visited a dentist.
What a bitch I am, you may think, but if he can’t be bothered to have a wash and a tidy up before meeting me, then I can’t be bothered to stay and be civil.
Go on your date and enjoy yourself - I hope you meet a soul mate or at least a very nice friend.
If however, your instinct is ‘Oh no!’, then remember an urgent appt. and run for it!

You will be fine, just try to focus on your date and getting to know more about him.
I have been through this a few times and would recommend OLD to anyone. Met my OH that way but also met a few nice enough men but unfortunately we didn't have much in common. Just keep it light.
Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

Hope it all goes well! 18 months into singledom I joined a group of people around my age that met in the city and had a diary of parties, holidays, trips, walks, all sorts. It was a great way of meeting others in the same situation without the pressure of having to "date".

Being nervous is understandable but I would say be very careful a lot of men will tell you everything you want to hear but nothing you don’t. A friend of mine met a male friend at a Costa coffee after they had chatted inside the restaurant he suggested she got into his car to chat some more it admitted he was married and not want sex. He did not want any relationship although he told her before they had met that his wife had died and he was looking for a long-term friendship. She met 10 in all and not one was what they said they were. Good luck.

Tell the pub/restaurant/whatever you are paying for yourself
only before he arrives. Then, if he has 'forgotten' his wallet he can sort it out with the restaurant himself.

Good for, go ahead & enjoy the experience. I was widowed at 57, 5 years ago. I knew I was going to move to a new area so I didn't even try meeting anyone new,

Once I moved my first year was very busy getting my house & garden sorted (still not sorted totally & I've been here 3 years). Last year I joined 2 Meet Up Groups, I have had to take myself out of my comfort zone, walk into places I've never been before & meeting people for the 1st time. I'm loving my life, no romance but I'm perfectly happy on my own.

I have a friend I met through Facebook, we message each other & speak on the phone. Hopefully we'll manage to meet at some point, neutral ground. I don't have any real concerns as we have a mutual friend on Facebook & share some common interests. Will it be a romance? no I doubt it as neither of us is looking for a relationship beyond friendship, we live about 250 miles apart & I've intention of moving

I did loads of these a few years back, started off scared (quickly realised the man was usually more so) and became very blasé after a while. Pub lunch is good - have a cut off time. If you get a friend to call to check all is well, take the call, leave the table politely if necessary. If you ignore the call your friend will worry. Most of the time you will be at a table so put more effort into your top half than bottom half. Clothes give messages so think carefully what you want yours to be. Regard this one merely as dipping your toe in the water. And have a good time!

I am very cautious when it comes to online dating.
You have chatted but say 'he seems nice'? Seems?
Your 'what ifs' suggests you wonder if you are doing the right thing.
How do you opt out if you don't like ' he seems nice' ?
You can't always judge a book by its cover but if you don't feel comfortable with him after that meeting how you deal with it is for you to decide but be honest..Have you ever considered a singles club.? These are informal but with the advantage of feeling comfortable with what you see and what you hear before a first date.I hope all turns out well. Be yourself ,but don't shake hands unless he makes the first move NO hugs/ kiss on the cheek.Let a friend or your DD know where you are.
In spite of my doom and gloom I do hope he meets your expectations.

You're meeting in a public place and it will only be about 2 hours out of your life. Have a few topics to talk about- family, current affairs, films, travel, animals etc. to get a sense of whether his views match yours suitably. Dress smart casual.
If you don't like him and he asks for a second date. Just say politely that you don't think you are very compatible and will be seeing someone else in a few days time. That will put him off!! Whatever way it goes, put it down to experience and try again. Good luck.

In the past I have suggested meeting a blind date for a pub quiz because a) that's my thing b) I find intelligence a very attractive trait c) there's something to talk about in any conversation lulls.

Enjoy your lunch, be yourself, dont expect marriage, as happened to a lot of people on here.
Please keep us out of suspense and give us all a feed back,
Good Luck.

This happened to me thirteen years ago. I had been divorced for three years when, encouraged by my daughter, I decided to give online dating a go.
I nearly stood him up I was that nervous, but thankfully I didn’t. We met up in the car park of a local pub and ended up being the last to leave! We were soulmates from the start.
We have been married for nearly 12 years and I have never been happier.
If it hadn’t been for moder technology we would never have met - and how sad that would have been?
You might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, but what have you got to lose? Take your time, have fun, and who knows, Mr Right might be waiting for you in the car park. X

Rolande- Remember it's just the beginning of a new phase for you, and make sure to let us know how it went.

We all KNOW that phone call halfway through the first date, the one you have to go outside to take in private, is a fake. You ARE allowed to say 'Sorry, this isn't working for me' and leave. Rather than lying.

Don’t have a meal. Just a drink or coffee to begin with. Then you can move onto a meal if you are getting along. Don’t put pressure on it being more than a chat to someone then the anxiety will lessen. Just be yourself and do what is comfortable for you. Enjoy and good luck.

I have met up with a few gents off dating websites - a few I met for a second time but I havent bothered lately. But one thing I never did, I never gave my home address nor my landline phone number. Sometimes we would exchange mobile phone numbers just in case one or the other got delayed or lost etc. Good luck.

Good for you Rolande ! Ten years ago I was in your position and took the on-line dating plunge. I "chatted" with several men and arranged to meet for lunch with three (not at the same time, three separate days!) - a good time of day as you can both escape, if necessary for prior engagements. Each man also admitted to feeling nervous and during each date it became obvious that we did not have much in common so as to further a relationship. I felt rather disappointed but did not give up. After the first lunch it became easier and rather exciting to meet the others.
Number four was a different matter and we have been married for 8 years. To us it was instantly obvious the we shared so much in the way of values and interests and after several meetings a bond was apparent.
After the demands of nursing a terminally ill husband, so much grief when he died, this internet dating was the start of a new chapter in my life.
So, go with the flow; as others have said, smart casual dress, be yourself and be honest. Remember: if at first you don't succeed there are many men available so do not be disheartened if he is not Mr Right - keep searching and I wish you joy and happiness in the future.

New thing recognized by bar staff, if you are feeling threatened or uncomfortable ask bar staff if Angela is working and they can help you out the back way.

But I hope it all goes well for you

Oh yes, please do! Have a lovely time.