Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

"I will post comments about life after coming to terms with estrangement" that sounds great b0dhitree because there is life after estrangement. Not the lives any of us envisaged or would have wanted but it's good to share the positive changes we find ourselves making.

If at the age of 18 your GS isn't interested in Batman Lego, I'm sure he'll appreciate the fact that you bought it for him even though he didn't know you. And who knows, he may be interested in it. Our DS, in his mid 30's is still as addicted to computer games as he was as a child.

We're all set for tomorrow. A large tub of white masonry paint is ready and waiting for the walls of our roof terrace which, if the forecast is to be believed, we'll be busy painting.

This morning we spent ages peeling the protective plastic cover off our new metal planter. Mr. S. had his happy DIY head on as he cursed and muttered under his breath about how ridiculous it was to have covered the entire thing with the plastic which was almost impossible to remove but we got there in the end and I did point out to him that I was risking my lovely nails as his dutiful wife, which thankfully remained in tact and undamagedwhich meant of course that he remained in the same condition.

Seems to me Yogagirl that a prerequisite to being cut out is to have been the best parent that you could be. That's where we all seem to have gone wrong.

Oh no * Yoga* how awful another one. Poor woman.

I wonder how many estranged Grans there are across the UK, and if its getting worse.
I suggested to GNHQ that they might want to consider commissioning research to see how many on or off GN are estranged, then perhaps in 2 or 5 years, doing it again, to see if its getting worse.

Just an idea.

Smileless yes we appear to have all gone wrong there, not being good enough parents.

Heart breaking Bodhitree That's how I feel I still have chocolates in my GC's gift sacks, Easter bunnies, advent calendar, father Christmas figures & all that sort of thing!

Sparkly yes I am sure it's never been this prolific before, it's because it's accepted now & even encouraged, if you care to look on MN [which I don't]. Years back it wasn't acceptable to treat your good parents in such a despicable way. Even on GN going onto a thread that has nothing to do with estrangement, up pops another GM cut out, that we haven't heard of before Also programmes that have nothing to do with estrangement, same thing, just as a thrown in comment, you realise they are estranged from their AC!

Smileless you sure that plastic covering is supposed to come off Lovely morning for gardening today

The estimation of over one million children estranged from their grandparents was made over 10 years ago, it has definitely increased. It has become the norm.

Smileless is correct. Our crime is having been good parents. I read an article ( I hope I’m not repeating myself) that said our children today are viewing their childhoods based on today’s values . They are not thinking about what the standards were for our day. For example most of our grandchildren will not get a spank on their bottoms as we did and did to our children. We did wgatvour parents did not knowing any better. Some wee sent to bed without supper. You wouldn’t do that nowadays. I’m not saying any of it was right but that’s what we knew from our parents.
My DH said he and his first wife went to a psychologist in the 70’s because they had a hard time with his son, now estranged from us. The psychologist told him to take awoiden spoon to his bottom. He did it ONE time. He apologized to his son thirty years later saying he had been given bad advise.
I really think they are analyzing their youth to blame us for their lives now and then estranged from us. What do you think?

Shocking Minty take it that's not just UK?

Think your right Rhinestone but I never spanked my children or sent them to bed without supper, that would have been more what my parents would have done & because my dad was so strict I void not to be, so ended up much too soft, so if there was a problem with my parenting skills, it was that; too soft!

HAPPY EASTER everyone [no bunnies!]

With everyone talking about going away for Easter, makes me feel a bit sad that I'm not, I've been invited to Sunday roast dinner by a friend and Monday meeting up with all my prev. in-laws & my DD & family for a big Easter meal by the Thames, so that will be lovely. But nothing to do today as my DD, that I normally see on Fridays, is away for the long weekend. Something may turn up, otherwise walk on the beach with my little Westie before the rain hits this afternoon. I have my normal Sat & Sunday yoga classes to teach, so little bit of health & fitness between the chocolate egg eating

Oh is it going to rain this afternoon Yoga? I'd better get my skates on...got a few things to do in town.

Happy Easter everybody !

Yoga girl that estimate is just the UK, and as we know this is a global issue so the true numbers are not known.

Yoga alone today too, lunch out with a friend tomorrow and I had a lovely time at our Easter Chrism mass this week, lots of parishioners out having coffee and lunch in our nearby big town.

Thinking of every gran who is estranged this weekend today, let us raise a cuppa to each other when reading this and know you are not alone!

Rhinestone it’s awful when we start looking at our normal parenting practice 30 years ago, as it was then, and possibly almost torture ourselves now, thinking of your DH in this.

Minty such a high number for just UK!

Hope you got your jobs sorted out in town CrazyH and didn't get too wet.

Sparkly Don't think there are any church services on today, movie on TV about the crucifixion, but don't think I can stomach that, some movies are quite gruesome!

Went to the beach, but raining 'cats & dogs' still had a walk though, lovely calm sea, even with all the rain. Thought I'd pop in to Sainsburys for a couple of bits, it was heaving, couldn't wait to get out again! So back home now twiddling my thumbs

Went to the Good Friday Service yesterday....a very long one but quite moving . Our Church is always packed ...we have a lot of Catholics in our town, boosted by the Polish and Phillipino communities. They are such family people.....even the little ones come to church , and are so involved. Of course, going to Church is not the be all and end all. Just being good and kind to your fellow human being is what life is all about. We have been through such sadness in our lives, I'm sure, if there is a God, He has taken note of it . Lots of love and hugs to all xx

I'm sure He has crazy. I don't think I could have coped with our estrangement without my faith. Mr. S. took part in a walk of witness yesterday, bless him it took over 2 hours as they walked all the way up the the castle ruins and he was worn out when he got back, well that was his excuse for falling asleep yesterday afternoon.

I did wonder about the plastic Yoga as it took so long to get off but the trouble was, once we'd started we had to keep going.

We got the walls of our roof terrace painted on Thursday. They look fab against the backdrop of the grey sky, gleaming and white. Just waiting for an enormous low flying sea gull to dive bomb and drop its waste which will see me out their washing it off the wall.

You're right Rhinestone, parenting has changed. We were never ones for smacking, but serious reprimands and the taking away of privileges were always used when necessary.

We all did the very best that we could as parents Rhinestone but we weren't are aren't perfect. Neither are our EAC so let's hope that their children, our GC, are more forgiving when they look back at the way they were raised
and 'remember' the things that their parents did wrong, and believe, no doubt wrongly, that they'll do much better.

I left Aldi's on Wednesday with a headache due to a little boy of about 3 who was creating all the way around the store. Screaming when he couldn't have what he wanted and screaming when he couldn't carry something he wanted to carry. His mum spent all of her time trying to placate the little lad and all I could think was 'just tell him no' in a stern and commanding tone.

It made me think about our EGC, aged 6 and 2 years 4 months. I don't think I could cope with them now. If all had gone to plan and I'd had the eldest 2 days a week from 9 months I would I'm sure, have managed perfectly well but it's as if when that door closed it would never open again.

At great expense, we'd purchased every conceivable thing to have him those 2 days in our home, things for his safety and entertainment but there's no way our home is 'child friendly'.

A big house, a great place for hide and seek but not sure I could cope with little people running around all over the place. Seems my grand parenting days have ended before they every began.

I wish you all peace this Easter and although the weather is belying the fact, it is spring; a time of new beginnings, new growth and new life.

and. Yes, I know it's a rugby ball but it was the only 'egg shaped thing' available. Why haven't we got any Easter egg or Easter bunny pics? There was a shamrock for St. Patrick's daycome on GNHQ it's Easter.

Thanks for the Smileless
I have a basket of little eggs to hand out to my students today, as I did yesterday, hope most are all gone at the end of my last class, otherwise.....

I had agreed to look after my GD from about 12mths, for a couple of days per week, so my DD could go back to part-time work, it never came about, and I must say I'm not sorry as she is a little tornado when she comes round for the day on a Wednesday & that's with her mum! but I do take charge of her, so her mum get's a little break whilst with me.

If Easter says anything to us today, it say's this;
You can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there!

Happy Easter to everyone who is apart from a loved one, today is just a moment in time, this time will pass.

Thank you Minty

Smileless hope Mr S has recovered from his walk, well done to him. I was watching a very interesting programme this afternoon on Canterbury Cathedral, but missed the last 10mins as I did a Mr S myself . I will watch 'Songs of praise' when it comes on, I do feel bad not going to church. Last year I did say I would book my two Sunday classes off, but before I knew it, it was Easter!

You would be looking after your youngest GS now, as well Smileless bet they would have made short work over that plastic on the plant pot

In our church Yoga Easter is intense with 5 - 6 masses during Holy Week starting with Palm Sunday last Sunday, Foot washing mass on Maundy Thursday, mass at 3pm on Good Friday, Easter Vigil mass on Saturday (last night) then weekly mass tonight at 6pm. Very profound and usually each person gets to 3 of them.

Resting now, eating Maltesers!

Sparkly hope you enjoyed your Maltesers, think you deserve them after all that church, hope it was warm, those old churches are usually very cold! I'm not a Catholic; I go to Baptist or Methodist, so quite low key in comparison, but I do like to go to church, having said that, with my Sunday work, I don't get there often.

I was quite upset last night, I was sent an 'mm' all about God loves you and on and on as long as my arm, it was nice, but I replied If God loves me why did he take my daughter, my granddaughter, my son & my grandson? the reply was this; He hasn't taken them away from you. We all have free will don't we? I didn't reply, but it stayed on my mind all night & this morning, so I've just txt'd back this morning saying; ^ Such an unkind & uncompassionate reply^ I'm interested to know what others think on this. The mm was from my 'born again Christian' sister, she doesn't have children.

I'm sorry you've been upset Yogagirl. I wonder if what she was trying to say is that it was your D's 'choice' to walk away from you and take your beloved GC with her and not what God would have wanted her to do.

I put the word choice in inverted commas because, as with our ES and sadly so many EAC, your ED's been influenced to the extent that it's difficult to know just how much of a choice she had.

I honestly don't think we'd have lost our son if not for the person he married, or if he'd married someone just like her but I realise too, as unpalatable as it is that ultimately the choice was his.

Morning all
Yes Smileless that is exactly what she meant, she txt'd me saying she was shocked I'd been upset, so I feel bad now, but I think us estranged grandmother's may sometimes read a txt like that and think it unkind, because we don't want to hear it was their 'free will' to do what they did, I think I wanted to hear something that would make me feel better, instead of what she said making me feel sad, but I do get it, that God didn't make them do this, they did it themselves! Anyway all sorted now.

Yes I agree with your second paragraph too Smileless my daughter would not have done this without her H & his mother pushing her to do it and if she had been married to another, again it wouldn't have happened.

Went out for a lovely meal yesterday in Covent Garden London, all the family there, I found it so very sad when my DD showed a pictures of my lost GC to her granddad, he is 87yrs and I could see the sadness in his face at seeing his great grandchildren, asking how old are they now? remaking on how much my GD looks like my daughter. Such a sad situation to be cut off from those you hold dearest in your heart

That's the most painful thing about estrangement I think Yogagirl, accepting that ultimately it was our own child who is responsible for cutting us out so of course we don't want to be told that that's the reality.

We have to be ready to digest such a painful truth and as we all know, it takes time.

It made meto read about your DD's granddad at his age, only being able to see pictures of his GGC. What did he ever do to deserve such cruelty; what did any of us ever do.

Yoga sometimes I think similar, as in Why God haven't you please brought my DS and DGC back
Or
Please protect me from hurt from family.

I don't know the answer, but what helps me is feeling (sorry to those not religious) that God loves me unconditionally, whereas my DS doesn't.

Its not for everyone but we each in our different ways find, or will find, some way of feeling OK about ourselves because of how the estrangement has affected our self esteem?