Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

I think you'd find that the majority of posters who have been posting on this forum, in this section, might disagree with you notanan2. But I suspect that people disagreeing with you isn't unusual.

Interesting that you have time to post @ me but have not yet offered any of your abundant support to Jammytoast Chewbacca

Hopefully she/he is elsewhere now getting the support they posted for

You've not offered anyone "support" notanan2. You've done your level best to deter someone in pain from reaching out, looking for help and support, on this forum. 20 pages of posts would seem to indicate that many people, myself included, have received a great deal of support, friendly advice and sympathy. You're apparently not one of them. Shame about that. But just because it hasnt suited you, don't try to deter others from reaching out. There are, as you rightly point out, many other boards available on this subject. If they suit you better, go and join them.

Jammytoast has posted here on several occassions, perhaps you should read back over the past 20 pages to read them.

That's why I came here....to get advice and support and to tell my story, so that others in similar positions will not feel alone. Majority are EP who have been pushed aside for no reason at all other than the fact their AC have a new narcissistic (in most cases) partner/wife, who then like a Dictator, plans out a future without the partner's family.. Any estrangement can be discussed here, helped and supported.
I have had much support. This was my safe haven, where I could release my random emotions and not be derated for it

You are out of order nonanan. Jammy has received support on this thread and once again you are posting about something you know nothing about.

Jammy is not the first AC who has gone non contact and has posted on these estrangement threads. She is not the first to have found compassion and support here and she wont be the last. How dare you come on here and accuse posters of not being willing or able to see estrangement from an estranging AC's perspective.

Jammy I'm so sorry that having recently contacted your mother and found her response extremely lacking, that you have now discovered something else which is so distressing, that you have made the decision to sever all contact.

From your very first post, it's clear that you've had a very traumatic and distressing journey for the majority of your life. Having tried to find answers which may have helped ease your distress and failed, I hope that you can find some peace and happiness.

Despite what some choose to believe, we are all here for you should you feel the need to post here again.

Take care Jammy x

Gransnet Forums-suggests to me that this is likely to be a support for estrangement thread for grandparents.

\notanan Jammy has been posting for quite a log time and has received constructive advice and support from many posters! Your comments are completely unfair and not based on the facts presents even by the more recent posts to Jammy. Other EAC have also been supported on GN!

The title of the thread is support for all who are living with estrangement. That said the majority of posters are estranged from their AC and so their GC but as I've already posted, Jammy isn't the first estranging AC to have been supported here and she wont be the last if any others want to share.

My almost 6 years here on this thread and others about non contact have unfortunately demonstrated that there is all too often some GN's who automatically take the side of the estranging AC when EP's and EGP's are posting, assuming often wrongly, that the P/GP must be at fault.

Sometimes the P/GP is wrong and that is acknowledged. It's a shame that some seem to be unable or unwilling to accept that some times it's the AC who are in the wrong.

Cant sleep tonight feel so sad and hurt can’t stop crying please someone tell me it gets better. I just can’t accept my AC doesn’t want me in his life anymore.

Oh Bopeep....I've been there, many a sleepless night.
I emailed my son and told him how sad I was. If you remember, he texted me to say he wanted no contact with me....a very cruel thing to say. But I acted on it. I emailed him, told him how hurtful it was, told him I loved him etc etc.
He replied....he explained why he felt like that...he felt his brother and sister were bein favoured. He said, at the moment he wants to keep away....fair enough. He said, MAYBE in time, it will blow over. It wasn't a very angry email, just matter if fact. I replied saying i was sad that at the moment he'd rather keep away from the family. But I suppose there is sone hope, unless the wicked witch of the west blows it all to pieces. I won't be seeing my gc for a while. Maybe I'll see them over Xmas. I can only hope,

Bopeep why don't you write to him? You can say so many things in a letter. You can think before you write. And hopefully, it will melt his cruel heart.
Try and catch some sleep during the day

So sorry Bopeep14. If you read through posts on this thread you will find those, who maybe it doesn't get better, but they are able to accept it, most of the time! Presently I am reading some Buddhist teachings on acceptance. Accepting our situation of suffering and making peace with it. Easier said that done but perhaps it might help a little. I am early into all this estrangement and feel so low some days. I think there may be others on here who will chip in and offer you some tangible support.

Thank you all, crazy H I had thought about writing a letter, it’s only been 6 weeks but it seems like a life time, hopefully like you it will all blow over. Other half does not get why I am so upset so is no help at all just keeps telling me to get over it. Do your other halves understand? I think it’s my grandchild’s birthday that’s set me off, most days I cope.

Bopeep, you have your OH to talk to....I have no one, no OH...can't really talk to his siblings, can't talk to friends....
but as they say, it will soon blow over.
Googoo, don't give up.....my sweet mum used to say, "as long as there's life, there's hope"

CrazyH Yes I am fortunate in that respect.

It's been almost 6 years for us Bopeep and for us, yes, it has got better. As time passes the pain has diminished. It will always hurt of course but the rawness of the pain you're experiencing at the moment, does ease with time, but it does take time.

Is your OH the father? Mr. S. and I have been a tower of strength for one another and I don't know how we'd have coped without one another. My heart goes out to you crazy and all who don't have a partner to share your pain and grief with.

I'm so pleased that you've had a reply from your son crazy. It looks as if your son's anger has calmed down which is something, much better than the anger he showed so recently.

Sadly there is nothing we can do if our AC is involved with a manipulative and controlling partner. As much as we wanted him to stand up to her, for his sake, his children's, his GP's and ours in the end we had to accept that he never will.

For us, acceptance has been the key. It was only when we accepted that out ES and GC were lost to us forever that we began to move on with our lives and began to heal.

I do hope that you're finding some comfort from those readings Googoogool

Haven't been here in a long time! Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do! Just hope everyone has been doing reasonably well even if in a difficult situation.

Smileless2012 thank you for your kind words, yes my other half is his dad, it just doesn’t seem to affect him as much as it does me. I have been fine since the other night hopefully I can get nearer to acceptance, with help from all you mostly lovely and kind people.

Agnurse and notanan2 .....
In a fit of temper my son told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted no contact with me.....sent me a cruel text. Did I listen? Hell, no. He is my much loved son. Despite him wanting to cut me out of his life, I emailed him a loving few lines, told him how much I loved him, asked his forgiveness if I had said anything to upset him ( I am not going into details of the incident again). He replied in a very calm way, still sends me pictures of the babies, he has calmed down ... he is not ready to meet the family, but he himself says, this will all blow over. So, even if AC say they want no contact, you have to keep reminding them of your love for them. Surely, eventually it will melt their cold hearts. Never give up....
Ofcourse, I know there are a few EP, who have tried really hard and have eventually given up. Acceptance is half the battle won and for those wonderful mums

A one off heat of the moment "I never want to see you again" - sure. I would let the dust settle and then test the water gently...

... but if you have been told more than once, or calmly not in the heat of an arguement, not to contact someone: To continue to repeatedly do so is aggressive and harassment

Wow, I see there was a bit of a bunfight upthread. No matter. I'm saying a big 'thank you' this morning to all of you who listened & answered my questions over the previous months. Tomorrow I'm in therapy again and I'm going to take the significant things I might have wanted to share with my mother & learn to let go of them. I'll share one thing here - that I was offered a place at Oxford. I wonder what she'd say? I would have wanted her to notice that I am actually intelligent & be impressed but that'll never happen. Any time I showed an opinion or a bit of learning as a teen I was ridiculed and humiliated for it. There are other things I could share, equally amazing that would make her eyes pop out on stalks but alas, it isn't to be. It makes you reconsider your whole life, estrangement.

I haven't spoken about this for a while, but mine & my dm's paths may yet cross again - in court. I'm taking my father to court - all these decades down the line, for raping me as a child. Not that that makes any difference. I ponder sometimes, what is it that makes one person able to do a lot of introspective work & grow & change as a result and others are incapable of shifting an inch...

Jammy, well done for winning a place to Oxford......something to be proud. With or without her, you are a success !!!!

That's wonderful Jammy, a place at Oxford; well done. I've been thinking about your court case but as it's been a while since you mentioned it, I didn't think it was my place to bring it up.

There are lots of reasons why some people are unable to look within themselves and do the work that's needed to grow and change.

Some, like your mum, have spent most of their lives on the wrong path. Maybe they're unable to see how wrong they've been or can't see it all. Maybe they've gone so far down the wrong path that it seems too far to go back and there's a belief that those they've hurt wouldn't want them anyway.

Maybe the only way some of them can get through life is to store away the damage they've done in the dark recesses of their minds, because facing up to the damage they've done, and the hurt they've caused is just too much for them to bare.

As previously posted notanan IMO sending messages in writing is neither harassment or aggressive. It all depends on what the card, email, text or letter contains and all of the aforementioned can be disposed of without being read.

Perhaps you would now like to apologise for your aggressive post in which accused the posters on this thread of not giving Jammy any support?

As you can see from her lovely post today she's appreciative of the support she has received here. Proving what we've been saying all along, that there is support, compassion and understanding available here for all .

This thread has almost reached it's 1000 posts but another will be started as soon as this one is full so if you're too late to post your apology here, you can post it on the new thread.

As previously posted notanan IMO sending messages in writing is neither harassment or aggressive. It all depends on what the card, email, text or letter contains and all of the aforementioned can be disposed of without being read.

No it doesnt. It depends on how the recipient feels about being contacted and whether they have requested that it stops.

Im glad you found support Jammy

None the less the title of these threads Is deceptive as it is usually am emotionally unsafe place for ACs going through estrangement so perhaps the new thread title could be a bit more truthful.