Wedding planning

Why not focus on entertaining any of your relatives over the wedding week end.
That’s what we did when not included in the wedding preparations ( despite a large financial contribution).
We hosted an eve of wedding dinner, organised mini busses to and from the venue and had a lovely buffet lunch in the garden, on the Sunday. It was a great chance for family and friends to relax and catch up.

I don't think the planning would appeal to me at all.
I would much rather be left out of all that.

To be honest, when I see the amount of organisation needed for a wedding these days, I am grateful not to have a daughter. My son's in-laws were happy to organise the wedding for their only daughter and who was I to try to disrupt their enjoyment? It was a charming wedding - nothing too flamboyant or ostentatious. Sadly the marriage, after 17 years, is now over. C'est la vie.

My daughter was married last year, a truly beautiful wedding. They arranged it all themselves, though I had a million ideas, most of which were rejected!! LOL I learnt to cherish the plans I was included in, and accept the parts where she included the ILs or friends only. Obviously I had a few "I wish..." moments but tried not to be upset by them. I think weddings are such emotional times that it is so easy to become oversensitive. However, I found the nearer to the date we got, the more she needed help and support from both sides of the family - though usually on different parts. And plenty of babysitting was needed too. How about asking your DIL out for a relaxing day to chat all things wedding, a spa day if that is your thing or an afternoon tea. Or maybe host a girl's only lunch, with bridesmaids and her mum. Just a few ideas anyway.

Why not think of something special you could do and ask your DIL if it would help? Be that flowers, or invites, or putting together favours? You may find that would help your relationship as well as being a practical support. If they are off on honeymoon how about looking after the grandchildren during that time. Or having the grandchildren the night before the wedding perhaps? We did both and it was lovely bringing our grandson to the wedding venue that morning to get ready with his mum.

Most of all bite your tongue. I still remember the awful things my MIL said to me during the wedding planning, and that was over 30 years ago. And most of all enjoy!

My daughter had the most low key wedding ever and they planned it all themselves. My son had an enormous do, but his partner had no parents alive so they planned it all themselves.
Both times I just turned up and enjoyed myself.

I didn't expect to be involved so I didn't suffer any agonies.
It's all to do with expectation really. What you think you ought to have. Try to let it go ?

I was not involved at all with my DS's wedding plans and didn't expect to be.We offered to pay for the evening entertainment which was gratefully received.I did not consider asking my daughter's MiL to be involved in her preparations nor was my MiL involved in my own. Perhaps it is a bit different for you as you don't have daughters but don't let it get to you.Accept things as they are.

Just enjoy your grandchildren and the wedding and don't stress about what can't be changed.

I think that maybe these days, we mothers who have daughters should ask the SILs parents if they want to get involved, as it appears to be a constant problem.
I can honestly say that it didn’t occur to me to invite the MILs to dress shops or to have any involvement with the wedding, TBH the DDs and SILs had very firm ideas about their weddings and I was there with the credit card, rather than to offer my own opinions.
But I have to say that if I had a pound for every poster who says that their DIL is controlling and that they don’t get on with them, I’d have a bucketful of money!