Kept from grands I need advice

I don't know Yogagirl. I have to admit it's all a mystery to me.

Well if we are Eglantine, where has he been for this last 5.5yrs of hell I've been through, and still going through. Where evil is prevailing over good!

Thank you Mawbroon & Monica I'll have to gen up on the Trinity then. I suppose you would call me a light hearted Christian, as are my two DD. When my now estD was having her bands read, so had to go to church each week, I would dash to the church from my yoga class to join them. My DD really loved the church service, would joyfully sing all the hymns, yet her fiancée, who was a Catholic, hated going and quite spoilt the experience for my daughter, as he refused to join in with the hymns.

Going back to Remembrance day, my dad & my son would be in the parade, it was such a special day, with all the family gathered together, since my mum & dad have passed away, we don't do it anymore My problem is, I don't like going to church on my own, so the only one I can go with is my DD, we go to her church now, where she got married & where her DD got christened, it's the oldest church in England! really lovely. The church where my now estD got married, we feel we can't go there now, I did ask the vicar to help with the estrangement, but he said he couldn't as they don't attend anymore!

I thought Synonymous' reply probably the most relevant to the OP ( if she's still with us) but balked at the idea of God "choosing" who he would "call". Are we not all his children?

Yogagirl It is the doctrine of the trinity. That God is three people in one; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This doctrine is often cloaked in mystery, but to me it is the equivalent of anybody's life. We are parents, children and workers. Sometimes fulfilling one role, sometimes doing several at once.

There is a reason why it is called the Mystery of Faith , and many millions of words have been written about the Trinity, yogagirl

Synonymous Do you have to pray to God on your knees? This I did for a whole year, with a bible & my little GD's socks in my palms. I did this at the end of the day, before I went to bed, by my bed. At this time I hadn't sleep, or eat for the whole year, so I was very tired & eventually, with knees hurting, I changed to praying in bed, same way, I also pray during the day, at certain times like when I'm about to begin my yoga & when I do a headstand, as I find these times quite spiritual. I'm a Christian, but only go to church Easter, Xmas & for weddings & Christenings etc. I'd really like to go on remembrance day too, as I always did when my mum & dad were alive, but my work is all weekends and very difficult to get cover.

Excuse me for going down the religious path, but there's a question I've always puzzled over, I did ask my sister, but she said it was too long to go into at that time. Jesus is the son of God, yet my sister has said that 'The Father, The son & The Holy ghost' are one! I'm a confused.

Immagamma my heart bleeds for you and I am truly sorry for the situation that your whole family is in.

I am going to say some things which the un-churched will find difficult to take and even understand but you are professing to be a Christian so hopefully you will understand.
You have said some not at all nice things about your DIL and I obviously don't know whether that is in reaction to her but that is largely irrelevant if you are trying to walk in 'the way'. You are hurt and angry but lashing out with verses from the Bible is clearly counter productive as you have seen. Nobody would ever react well to being 'smacked' with Bible verses and it would be natural for them to withdraw and refuse contact with someone doing such a thing. It is little wonder that people are turned off by, often well meaning, Christians who get things badly wrong, A well taught Christian will reflect the love of God to those around them as naturally as breathing - they just cannot help it and when the Holy Spirit is involved we often do not need words at all because people just 'know'. If you are already in a church you really need to talk to your pastor but if not then you need to find a sound church. Having lived in the USA I know there will be many churches where you can receive the teaching you need to understand the situation you are in but I also know that you live in a very spread out country and I am aware of the difficulties in finding a sound teaching pastor. I suggest that you go on to the internet and delve into www.gty.org and listen to Rev John MacArthur who is one of the most sound pastors I have ever come across. Search that site and particularly look for John's sermons on Psalm 51 which you may know is about David's repentance over Bathsheba. It does not matter what the actual sin is, it is learning about putting things right with God so that you can understand how to put things right with others. In V17 David says to God " .......a broken and contrite heart oh God you will not despise ......" Many people just do not understand that without true repentance you will never be able to put things right and you can be sure that until there is true repentance your attitude will never be conducive to building bridges.
Repentance is a humbling business and certainly not easy but it will help amazingly even where there is no reconcilliation with those from whom we have become estranged because often there comes an acceptance. After that you have to wait for the Lord to work, not just on everyone else involved but on you too. Just remember that it is the Lord who calls and He chooses whom He will call. He also calls on His people to pray. Prayer changes things and often in unexpected ways which we would not have anticipated.

I don't suppose this is a reply you expected but it is from an angle with which you are hopefully familiar and is intended to be from one sister to another. Blessings to you.

How unkind and judgemental some of these posts are. The OP is asking for advice, and has received helpful comments from some posters. Others have jumped on her, assuming that because they despise religion, the OP's son and DIL must do so too. We none of us know the reason for the estrangement, and it's by no means certain that the OP's own religious beliefs have anything to do with it. Obviously sending religious tracts to non-believers would be an unwelcome, even hostile, act - but perhaps not within the confines of a very devout family, which according to the OP is what we have here.

Sending cards or notes of any kind, religious or not, could be seen as pestering since Immagamna had been asked to have no contact.

yogagirl I am aware of your terrible circumstances, and you have my deepest sympathy I can’t imagine being denied contact to my dgs. However if you read my post I simply asked if this was a possibility, I didn’t say that it was the reason. The OP has asked for advice and I attempted to use my personal experience to help, just as you are attempting to use yours.

The reason I asked, is because the rest of the OPs family still see the grandchildren, implying that there must be a reason. If the OP can work towards finding out the reason (whether she thinks it legitimate reason or not) steps can be taken to rebuild the realtionship. It can be very hard to objectively look at our behaviour, and so easy to hurt others without intending to.

Had my own dil not been so compassionate, understanding and forgiving, I too could have found myself in a very similar situation. It was the intervention of a friend that made me see the error of my ways. I may be a million miles away, but if I can I prevent somebody making the same mistake I was, then surely that’s the right thing to do?

All I can say Gamma is, couldn't you arrange to see your son & GC outside of their and your house, in a park or similar and then take the advise of 99% of the posters on here and not bring up religion or quote verses, and by the way, that would be my advise too. Good luck

Spaniel it has been put to me that my dislike of my s.i.l was the reason I was cut out, but I didn't dislike him before he cut me out and I thought we got on OK. It was only after 3mnths of my being cut off from my D&GC, getting death threats, having to put alarms all over my house & above my bed that I disliked him, getting phone calls in the middle of the night, so I came running down the stairs, nearly breaking my neck, to answer the phone thinking it was my estD needing help. Getting my Easter, birthday & Xmas cards I'd sent to my beloved GC ripped up & posted back through my door, that's when I disliked & feared him! So maybe OP disliked her d.i.l only after she was cut out too, which would be understandable, wouldn't it [?]

I must admit BlueBelle & Oldmeg and I don't want to badmouth my sister, as I love her & she me, but she has actually upset me a few times, even last week I had to say to her that I thought what she had said to me was unkind & uncompassionate, re my estD, and then I got a lot of bible verses, but I just tried to take from that what I could and just except that's how my sister is, she doesn't have children so doesn't understand the pain!

So I do have to agree that some do take their religious preachings too far, I'm not saying that about the OP though, I've no doubt she has always been religious, but did she only send quotes from the bible to her son & d.i.l after she was cut out [?]

Sorry, second paragraph should be at the end. Not sure what happened.

No, my post was not unkind and, yes, some grandparents are cut out and excluded because of problems within the GC's family, especially if there has been a family breakdown and reformation, but some family breakdowns are caused by the grandparents themselves. I have seen this in a friend's family. Not a complete breakdown but strictly controlled access, because of the GM's behaviour.

I doubt she is following this thread anymore. We are not supporting her in the way she expected.

Just because one family can contain and deal with a religious enthusiast in a family. It doesn't mean that another religious enthusiast is similar in their enthusiasm, nor that it is equally containable. Her language and behaviour are incompatible with the religion she professes.

Agree with the others......Bible verses are a No-no.

It's hard I know ....one of my daughters-in-law is very unkind to me, but I just grin and bear it for the sake of seeing my son and grandkids.
All the best xx

immagamma I am very sorry you are suffering so much. It is very sad when life doesn’t happen how we expected it to. However what struck me from your posts, is your very obvious dislike for your dil. I wonder if you had maybe struggled to hide this like before the estrangement? Could this be the cause of the rift?

It’s so exciting to become a grandparent, but people very rarely talk about how it can also be difficult to make the transition from being a mother to ‘just’ a grandmother. I will confess that this was (and sometimes still is) something that I struggled with. At times I was quite unkind to my dil, something I now deeply regret.

I urge you to please have a really good think about what happened before the estrangement, look at your own behaviour. It was only when a friend of mine, who I I’ll be eternally grateful to, pointed out the ‘hostile’ and ‘disrespectful’ way I spoke to her about my dil, that I realised my mistakes. I apologised, no excuses, no ‘sorry if you were offeneded’ - (that is not an apology!) just a genuine sincere apology. I was fortunate that my dil was happy to forgive.

I know that there are some cases where grandparents are cut out inexplicably. However the rest of your family are still in contact, so there is every reason to believe that this situation is fixable.

I hope you are all able to find some peace in this situation.

Yogagirl I think your emotions surrounding your own situation is getting in the way of you clearly seeing this posters problem
She asked for advice but I m afraid I totally agree with Oldmeg she was looking for support that she is doing the right thing and 99% of posters on here don’t think she is doing the right thing
She is being incredibly judgemental of her daughter in law and worse she feels the need to inflict her ideas on everyone else and not only that she then blames them for wanting to distance themselves I very much doubt if the religion has entered her life the moment her son left home to be with his new family I would imagine and of courses we don’t know but I would imagine he was brought up deeply in it and the daughter in law was probably bombarded by this evangelism and they wisely decided their children wouldn’t have to go through his mother’s way of life This is sad all round for the children as well as the grandmother but it is of her own making
It is very telling that everyone else in the family is included in their life so there has to be a reason why she isn’t doesn’t there? and it’s very obvious what that problem is but until the poster realises that and keeps her thoughts quotes and prayers to herself the situation will not change
I would imagine it’s too late anyway the poster isn’t going to change unfortunately

Immagamma, I think you need to take a step back and re-read your OP. Your behaviour does not come across as normal and most people would freak out at being sent Biblical texts.

Yogagirl the poster asked for advice when in fact she meant reassurance. And I’m wondering if, not only did she quote texts from a bible, but she targeted these unwisely?

Evangelists are very evangelical!

Reading between the lines it seems that your extreme religious views may be the problem OP . Receiving quotes from the bible would have incensed me as a DIL , why would you do that when the relationship is already strained . If this situation is to be healed then you need to back off , maybe just send (non religious) birthday cards to the children and wait until they are old enough to decide whether they want contact !

Situp read the posts, I never linked Karma with religion!

I disagree on Monica post, I think it was unkind, as are a lot of posts on here. The OP has asked for help & advise on here! Did Gamma preach from the bible before she was cut out? she hasn't said, but my guess is not.

I agree with you yogagirl the OP doesn’t know what she did wrong!
that’s the problem and she won’t listen when people tell her.

And I disagree of course about the DILs liking the threads on estrangement, if they do, they rarely post, so how would you know that?