Kept from grands I need advice

I should stop the bible verses if I were you. Maybe that is why DIL wishes to cut off contact. There is something creepily manipulative about that action. If my MIL had done that I would have been on my bike pdq.

I am sorry you are in this sad situation.

Hello immagamma
Sorry but when I read that you 'send bible verses to their home...'
I'm afraid that here may lie the problem.

What an awful situation.
Honestly though, I would stop making contact.
Its what they have requested of you, but you're continuing with it.
I can understand why, but it hurts you, and probably strengthens their resolve not to see you.
There are quite a few grandparents in the same situation as you, so I hope they'll give you advice.

It sounds a terrible situation and it really sounds like there is a complicated back story. What reason does your son give for keeping you away?

I think it would be best to lie low for a while and in particular try to respect any boundaries they have requested. Talk to your son. Turning up univited is not a good idea nor is calling your DIL mentally ill. In particular stop sending the bible verses - they have asked you not to and it seems a creepy and somewhat passive aggressive, or even threatening thing to do

Why do you send the bible quotes?
Are your son and dil religious, if not then I think you have your answer. So stop sending them.

My son hasn’t provided any concrete reasons other than that it’s a difficult situation and that it’s hard to understand. I respected their boundaries of keeping me away for three years before I went to their home. Enough was enough.

My son continues to tell me he needs to be a better son. I don’t see how he can say that and still act so cold. My daughter in law is so overly sensitive to everything so I assume something I did she just took badly and that was that. I even told her I’m sorry, if you got offended, and she told me she didn’t accept that apology. I can only look to my future and I can’t fix the past and I raised my son to be more caring and more graceful, loving, and true in Christ than to cut me off from my grand babies.

I think I might be "overly sensitive" if someone sent me bible verses ,as someone else says its a bit creepy.Maybe you should apologise for doing that and stop sending them .

How is sending bible verses letting them know I’m praying for their family creepy? I guess this is another thing I don’t understand. My son has asked for my prayers for his family before.

You are overstepping the boundaries which have been set.
Do you think that one of the bible verses will suddenly heal the rift, because it seems unlikely, as hard to accept as that is for you.

You've offered a non-apology ("I'm sorry if you were offended" - in other words you're not sorry you DID anything, you're just sorry SHE was upset), you've shown up at their house uninvited, and you insist on keeping in contact when they've told you they want space. If an unrelated person did that to you you would be calling it STALKING. You need to LEAVE THEM ALONE.

Yes, that’s incredibly hard to accept that the rift will not heal. These are my only grandkids and it’s against everything I’ve taught my son to be forgiving. We used to be able to talk, agree, disagree, and have dialogue before his wife came along.
I didn’t think they’d heal the rift I guess I thought they’d remind him he’s forsaking god. You’re right all of it is so hard to accept

There is a thread here for grandparents who are estranged from their adult children and grandchildren.
There is lots of good advice and support, and most of the ladies are in very similar circumstances to you.
Maybe you could have a read through it, and start posting there to get some support.
Sadly, it seems that sometimes there isn't a solution, apart from coming to terms with things, but always leaving the door ajar, just in case...
It must be so difficult.
I think I saw it referred to as a 'living bereavement'.

I was feeling empathy for you until I read the ‘I CONTINUE to send Bible verses to their home’ The fact that you say continue means that you’ve been doing it for some time. God does not like unforgiving people and they are turning away from him by excluding me And personally herein lies your problem you are pushing unwanted religion down their throats Then you speak of your terrible daughter in law is she terrible or is she fearful that her children are going to be brain washed by an overtly religious grandmother I would imagine there is far more to this story that we are hearing
You have made four posts and each one has mentioned religion God or prayers and this is very excessive Religion should be between you and your God you sound evangelical in trying to make sure everyone else is ‘saved’
I feel very sorry for you not seeing your grandkids I can’t think of anything worse but I think your daughter in law and son probably have a very good reasons
I m not sure how you can reverse this now, everyone else in the family is included but you, so cannot you see that there is something about your behaviour that is making them need to keep away from you
Keep your religion inside your head and your own heart it is yours no one else’s I m afraid your poor son must be in a very difficult position and if I was your daughter in law your Bible texts would go straight in the bin and that’s not because I don’t believe but because I don’t need you lecturing me on how to believe, in the same way as I would never invite a Jehovah Witness into my home when they knock on my door
Until you see this and back completely off the religion I doubt you will be in their life
This post is NOT meant to hurt you but to open your eyes so I hope you will not read it as nasty or anti religion

As they natural way if the world. In his eyes your son's wife and children come first. Unfortunately you are to blame for any rift, you have been asked not to contact but you insist on sending Bible verses, stalking the family home and most importantly blaming his wife.
It's seems as though you are critizing his choice of wife that will be hard to take. You might be his mother but you do not come across as a loving mum. Cut the apron strings, let him be a man.
I'm sorry you have been cut from there lives and I don't mean to be cruel but truth sometimes hurts.
Some people are not as religious as you so stop sending Bible verses, you need to send things from there point of view as well.

Matthew 19:4 - 6

"Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

I do feel for you not being able to see the DGC,but I have to say I agree with everyone else in saying ditch the bible verses?. I agree with those that said sending this comes across as manipulative, and to be honest a bit obsessive.
I also feel that you have not told us the whole story here, I cannot believe that you have no idea of the reason that you are excluded, as you also state that every other family member is not.
If you want genuinely informed advice you need to be a bit more explicit about the reason for the rift. It’s easy to vilify the DIL, but we are only hearing part of the story. Like you she is a mum so her focus will be on caring for and protecting her children.so far, unfortunately, you have not shown that you are a measured and stable addition to the family,with the unwanted visits, standing outside in the cold and random bible verses.
I am sorry if this sounds hard, and I really do feel for your hurt, but I think you need to take a step back and maybe examine your own actions and words, and see where that gets you. Maybe if you can show through other family that you have reflected and changed over time overtures might come your way.

I can understand you being sad about not seeing your Grandchildren but can really understand why this has happened if you continue to describe your DIL in such an awful way.

Religion was a problem between my ex MIL and me. I do not have a religion (but treat everyone as I would like to be treated). If I was sent religious texts, I would not be pleased. Maybe you could ask your son is this has been a problem to your DIL. Are you trying to inflict your views on her? She may not want you to talk this way to her children and therefore does not allow you access. Please consider this possibility. IF she is not religious, that does not make her a bad person.
You have had some good advice in these posts. Please listen and try it out for your own sake.

The only way you can improve this situation is to make quite sure that you take on board that it is probably your fault. Once you have absorbed that idea you can try and think of ways to improve the situation.

Bombarding them with bible verses is a recipe for family breakdown. I honestly think that you need to build up your own life (devote yourself to a church?) and leave these young folks be to get on with their own lives in their own way.

I feel desperately sorry for any grandparent who never sees their grandchildren. But, do you know the reason why this happened in the first place? Sadly, I think the only answer at present is for you to try and accept the situation and leave them alone.
They might possibly come round in time, whereas if you bombard them with unwanted messages the rift might become permanent. You can pray for a happy outcome, but do not inflict your religion upon them.

I think that, at least 4 years ago, you had the choice between being an Evangelist for your faith or having what most people would call a ‘normal ‘ relationship with your family, and keeping your faith to yourself.

Sadly you chose the former and unless you can accept that they do not want to be preached at, then I’m afraid that you will have to accept their wishes.

Can you speak to your Vicar? Maybe he can talk you through this and help you to see how your actions are making you so unhappy, rather than placing the blame on your DIL.

From my experience, you're not going to get very far with your son if you carry on calling is wife terrible, overly sensitive and mentally ill.

Being so judgemental about your sons wife THEN send Bible verses to them I'm an atheist so not big on religion but I thought Christians were ment to be, kind?

Are you American Immagamma? I know that Americans are more religious and more are regular churchgoers than in the UK, but even in the USA there are people who do not appreciate being bombarded by bible verses and it sounds as if that certainly applies to your son and his wife.

I appreciate everyone posting here. The thing is, for two entire years I respected their wishes of not seeing, holding, my grandchild. They’ve since kept me from meeting a new child they’ve had and enough is just enough. I respected their boundaries for an entire two years.

I’m in America, yes. And my daughter in law and my son are Christians but they don’t act like it. Like I said I’ve raised my son better than to abandon his family and it’s hurtful