I think this relationship is coming to an end

Can /could you cope (physically, financially emotionally) on your own?
While it sounds like that from your post it would still need calm and careful consideration.
Whose house is it?
Would he be awkward (aka unpleasant ) about it?
Would counselling e.g Relate be a first step and help you to make the right decisions but also for the right reasons?
So many questions and so many things to take into consideration.

As I read this thread YOU love him but the big question is does HE love you. I don't think he has any respect for you. You have said it yourself you sometimes wish you lived on your own. It will be hard but you only have one life do you want to feel upset most nights for the rest of your days no then leave him.
I'm sorry if you think I've been harsh. Just think about this properly.

No advice * HAZBEEN* but I just wanted to say that I hope you can sort this out soon as you sound so unhappy and here are some
Best Wishes from Danni x

Thank you Maw for your kind reply.
Yes I think I probably could cope physically, certainly financially (hes a gambler), and I think emotionally. He left once before for 2 weeks when he thought he had met someone else(!). I took him back god knows why! I have lived alone before admittedly a long while ago but as I am the one that organises everything, makes sure bills are paid etc I think I probably could live alone.
The flat is rented from an HA in both our names. 2 years ago I put the lease in both names to show him I trusted him again 3 years after his little fling!
Counselling wouldnt
really work as he is always right! every argument is my fault according to him and for a long time I thought that was true but now after thinking about it all I realise he could argue with himself if no one was there.

Thanks Nanawind and DanniRae. I think part of it is I just need to work things out in my own mind. I know if I was advising anyone else it would be to think of yourself, do what you need to do to be happy, but it isnt easy when its you is it?
I really just need to listen to my inner voice but thats not good either. If you know what I mean the Black Dog is ever present and I have to fight that as well. Just knowing someone out there cares enough to talk to me helps.
Thanks ladies.

How do you see this in a year's time? Could you put up with this for a year? Also, is this maybe a temporary blip? Or is there some other stress going on in his life?
So many questions!

From what you have written HB he sounds a selfish man, leaving his ex wives with young children, expecting you to keep the house tidy, does he have any limbs? I hope you find a solution to your problem soon. If it was me I’d up sticks and move nearer my family. Good luck, you deserve better than him.

Hazbeen a couple of thoughts from me:

A skilled counsellor will know how to deal with someone who thinks he is always right. Part of their job is to help people see where or what behaviour needs to change.

Sometimes people can love each other better if they live apart.

Good luck - you're not a has-been think of yourself of a it-has-to-be-good.

You sound like a strong person who can survive on your own, time to put yourself first and lay down the law, if he doesn't like it, show him the door! Call his bluff and don't take anymore sh** from this 'man'.

I hope you can sort out in your mind what's going on, hazbeen.
Try to think whether your partners actions match his words, in terms of love.
(In other words: talk is cheap!)

Such a sad post, even your username is sad
Sorry that is no help at all......
I can't really see what he is adding to your life, I know that I couldn't/wouldn't stay with anyone so deeply selfish

Thanks everyone. I know I need to get my head straight. Part of me thinks I need this man, but part thinks you dont need this s**t!.
We have been through a lot together. He was there when I was really in the pit, I did attempt suicide a couple of times. We have been through really bad times, but now it feels so onesided. He can go on and on about whats wrong with his day but mine should be spent seeing everything is perfect for him.
Like I said in my original post this is only one side of the story and its impossible for anyone to know both sides equally but I am so unhappy at the moment and just needed someone to listen.
I cant talk to my family because of everything thats happening for them, this would just be too much, but, at the same time I needed to get it out.
I know my health issues dont help our relationship but I had hoped he would after 15years understand.

Well, you can talk to us here.
You'll get at least a lot of different opinions, then you can sift through them and make your mind up whether its worth trying to get through it and stay together, or whether to call it quits.

HAZBEEN have you tried ringing Samaritans?
You do not have to be suicidal and they will provide a listening ear, not be judgemental or tell you what to do. You can ring at anytime of the day or night, you do not have to give your real name, but you can get as much “off your chest” as you feel like.

Thank you Maw. I have previously rung the Samaritins, they have been great with support. I have had a lot of therapy, CBT, counselling etc and although I still take medication I am much more on an even keel. My reference to the Black Dog was to do with how I can now recognise when my depression is at its worse, I have an appointment with my GP this week. I think I am a stronger person these days and maybe thats part of the problem I am not as needy as I once was and thats what he needs a poor little soul not a woman who knows her own mind!

How are things with you now, HAZBEEN? I've just picked up your thread, as I don't log on regularly, and quite honestly I think you'd be happier on your own, without this very selfish man. Easier said than done, I realise that, but you are not a 'poor little soul' and are stronger now. I wish you all the very best of everything, but ditch this person - you deserve better.

HAZBEEN, I am so sorry you are in this situation.

Yours doesn't sound like a loving relationship, does it?
Only you know the ins and outs of it, so the only advice I can offer is, being without a relationship is better than a relationship that makes you unhappy.

It doesn't sound as though he is even aware of your unhappiness, nor does he understand (or care?) that he is making you unhappy.

I hope you can sort this out - only you know if that is possible, but I would urge you not to keep forgiving bad behaviour. It's not fair on you.

Being alone is preferable to being in a bad relationship. There is happiness to be found out there. Please don't let this run and run. One life - that's all we get.

Op, you sound so unhappy.
Please don't let yourself be treated like this.

Just a quick update. I finally made him sit down and listen to me! We talked, argued,talked some more and he has said he is sorry for what he has put me through. He has promised to try to be a bit more understanding about my needs and feelings and so far he is!
We have booked a holiday, a compromise on where we are going, the country he wants but a resort I want. He has also promised to watch his spending (bit of a gambling bug nothing big but a bit too much in my opinion!). The last time we went away I ended up paying because he was a bit short! This time he has already paid in full.
He has been less moody and bad tempered and has been helping me at home more. We have agreed that when he comes home from work we should take time to relax instead of him launching into a rant about what has happened at work and I wont give him a blow by blow account of my day! For the first time in ages I am looking forward to him coming home!
I have also joined a couple of groups so I am out of the house a couple of times a week. I am meeting new people and just enjoying myself.
I wanted to say thank to everyone for their support on GN. It means a lot when someone listens!

Great news, I hope you have a lovely holiday and that it all works out for you.

So pleased to read your update HAZBEEN. It sounds as if you have found a way through your troubles. Enjoy your holiday!!

Well done for joining a group and managing DH so well. Wishing you luck.