Divorce in the future for son

To be honest not knowing what to pack? You are not entering a fashion parade, flu jabs? What has that to do with raising three children?
You concede that your son smokes, drinks and gambles, hardly a paragon of the ideal parent.
Why does your son want custody of the triplets? Why does he need you to be present during the custody hearings?

sparkly1000 OP doesnt say that her son smokes, drinks and gambles! She said that her DIL's father does.

First of all, be very careful. This forum is open to the public and anything you say will be public. Your situation is fairly unique and you have given us the US states and the fact that there are triplets involved. This easily identifies you to anyone who is involved.

I hope the children end up with whoever has the most stable and loving home for them.

Yes, I didn't read this properly, thanks for pointing that out Chewbacca.
It still doesn't resolve the problem though.

I know I shouldn't laugh, but your post did......you write beautifully with a touch of humour. I needed to smile today.
I hope it all sorts itself out for the OP xx

I am a bit puzzled why your son is going for custody after the triplets have been with their mother and grandparents for the last two and a half years ? Have I read that correctly ?

As they are in different states has your son been seeing them over the last two and a half years hadn’t you realised they had been gone so long that they were ‘missing ? from your area or didn’t you see they anyway ?
I m not sure what post you were reading CrazyH but I don’t see anything humorous in the post is it meant to be as I don’t get it if it is ?

Sorry Bluebelle, I was referring to Sparkly's post...I should have made that clear....senior moment

You are in the States so I understand possibly different procedures from UK. But in the UK unless the custodial parent ( in this case the mother) is unfit or unstable a court would probably not award custody to the other parent. Joint custody is the most that could be expected.

As for your son asking YOU to move in with him? Unless the mother is unfit it would not make any difference in UK. If the father couldn’t prove he was the best parent to bring the children up in his own right then the Courts would be unlikely to decide in his favour.

Perhaps you need to seek more professional advice in your own area? Good luck tho

Just to let you know it is her father that does smokes, drinks, and gambles. Not my son he does none of the above.
Yes, he agree on a holiday stay only, not to keep them away from him. Yes, his has visit them on very occasions. But driving from NJ to FL and going back to NJ, is not easy at all. Think about it people his job is in NJ and he has a great job. She abandon him and the house, he does not deserves the crap she has done to him.

I don't think the fact that the grandfather smokes, drinks, and gambles will have any bearing whatsoever on deciding the custody of 3 children.

It is extremely unlikely that they will be separated from their mother with no good reason.

Probably best you can hope for is a formal visitation agreement for a percentage of their time.

After 2.5 years your son has decided that NOW he wants custody? Full custody?
Her father might smoke, gamble and drink but it's been ok for last 2.5 years he's helped his daughter raise her children.

Has your son seen the kids in that time? Courts usually do 50/50 and unless she's an unfit mother the children won't be removed from her care, if she's been the main parent for almost 3 years your grandchildren will be absolutely distraught being taken away from her and that is no way best for the children.
I imagine the other GPs won't need parenting classes as they have been there, living with their DD for almost 3 years.
I don't know what flu shots have to do with it? I haven't had mine?

Go and stay with him, support him but get the idea of full custody out of his head and go for 50/50 if possible.

Sometimes life isn’t fair Chris. Parents don’t always put the children’s best interests first. On the other hand non of us know how the breakdown occurred- it’s immaterial tbh. IF the children are happy and thriving now I doubt any court will remove them for convenience purposes.

Also lots of children have grandparents/parents who drink, smoke and the odd flutter. That in itself is not enough reason to remove them. If he is an abusive alcoholic and stealing to fund any of his habits then different scenario. Just another point to ponder

I promise I am not trying to be insensitive, but is this the first time in the last two and a half years he has tried to obtain custody and/or visitation since the children left?

Has his lawyer given him reasonable prospects of success? Would he be amenable to you coming to his next legal consultation? The children have been settled elsewhere almost half their lives by now; what does his lawyer think about that affecting his chances of success?

Well if she abandoned him there must have been a reason a woman doesn’t leave with three small children without a good reason
I don’t understand how the little girls can have been gone 21/2 years and you didn’t know, didn’t you wonder where they were ?
think about it people his job is in NJ and he has a very good job well let’s hope he’s been sending her money from his very good wages over the past couple of years